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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving dp with ill dd

195 replies

Smarshian · 01/09/2018 19:36

We have 2 dc, DD who is 20 months and ds 11 weeks. I haven't been out with my friends since before ds arrived and organised a night out tonight in a nearby town with friends and to stay at my friends house. This was discussed with dp and agreed a couple of weeks ago. Do also met friends for dinner for a few hours last Saturday night.
DD has had a vomiting bug today and ds has been particularly clingy. I left at 4pm to go to my friends house and have just had a phone call off dp after the kids bedtime and had an earful as do thinks I should have offered to stay as DD was ill.
So was ibu to have gone out anyway?

OP posts:
mumprincess12 · 01/09/2018 20:14

Everyone's different but when mine were little I checked on them constantly when they were ill. It's not about dh capability - just what I would have wanted to do.

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:15

If he was a single dad he’d just have to get on with it. A bit mean to wave you off then use it as a stick to beat you with.

I would have stayed, but I don’t enjoy nights out that much anyway. If I’d have had theatre tickets I would have gone!

diddl · 01/09/2018 20:17

I think that I might have just gone for the meal-not to friend's house first & staying over.

Foodylicious · 01/09/2018 20:17

I think it was unfair of him to call you and have a go.
I think he should have been able to say before you left this afternoon, that he would prefer you to stay, or that he should have been able to call you nicely and ask you to come home early.

I get that we are all different, but I would not have wanted to leave mine either ill at 20 months or just full stop at 11 weeks.

Has he had much time with them (either together or individually) on his own?

If not, then from 4pm till the next day is a long time with a new born who has not been away from mother.

PositivelyPERF · 01/09/2018 20:19

Enjoy your night out, OP. Don’t let him, or some posters, guilt trip you. Yes, it’s difficult looking after a sick child, but unless he’s disabled or ill, himself, then he’s just going to have to get on it.

gamerchick · 01/09/2018 20:20

I would have went but I wouldn't have stayed out overnight, I don't think I could knowing one of them was poorly. I know rolls reversed are disliked on here but if a dude went out at 4pm and wasn't planning on coming home until the next day leaving his missus at home with pukey kids and a young baby he would be getting called all-sorts

Uchafi · 01/09/2018 20:22

Regardless if he'd have stayed or not, I wouldn't leave my ill child.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/09/2018 20:24

Missed the bit about staying overnight. Honestly I think you should have cancelled. Potentially he will be up with a child being sick/distressed and a crying baby.

This isn't the same as popping out for a few hours.

pictish · 01/09/2018 20:25

This reply has been deleted

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londonrach · 01/09/2018 20:25

Id have stayed as would have dh. He cancelled his friends unless it from his friend from usa who hasnt flown to uk for 6 years in which case id have ordered him out!

SpiritedLondon · 01/09/2018 20:26

Looking after puking children is no fun - particularly not a 20 month who is not going to be able to communicate the fact that they're about to throw up ( meaning changing sheets, grow bags etc). Add into the mix a newborn squawking because they need feeding then it's fuckng grim. It's obviously different if you are a single parent or Your partner works away when you HAVE to cope but most people would prefer a bit of a hand - even to reassure each other that the situation is not getting too serious. I would not stay out all night personally.

RebelRogue · 01/09/2018 20:26

Meh lots of mothers all around the world are doing it all day and all night every single week.He won't die for one night.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/09/2018 20:27

It's not a night out though Pictish. Gone at 4pm and back tomorrow. That's not the same as going out for a few drinks.

pictish · 01/09/2018 20:29

It doesn’t take two to look after a child with a common sicky bug for fuck sake.

PositivelyPERF · 01/09/2018 20:30

Did everyone miss the bit where she was left with an eight day old baby, while he stayed away?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/09/2018 20:31

Right but what if the baby is awake needing a feed/crying or nappy change and the other child is up being sick and needs seeing to?

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:32

Jesus this thread is depressing.

RabbitsAreTasty · 01/09/2018 20:32

I would not have stayed home. DH would have reassured me greatly that he could cope and be slightly offended if I suggested otherwise. He's a nice grown up man and parent.

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:33

Right but what if the baby is awake needing a feed/crying or nappy change and the other child is up being sick and needs seeing to?

Shock

One of them will have to wait. What happens in families of three or more children?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/09/2018 20:33

Perf the older child wasn't ill though when he went away so not really comparable.

The issue is not the OP going out for the night but that one of the dc is sick.

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:34

RabbitsAreTasty well obviously you’re just not a real woman if you don’t martyr yourself to the cause... you probably don’t even like your kids, much less love them.

Amirite!?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/09/2018 20:34

Which one should wait? The 20 month old throwing up or the 11 week old baby? Hmm

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:35

The issue is not the OP going out for the night but that one of the dc is sick.

By that logic dh and op should both stay off work if both kids are ill, yes?

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:36

Probably the baby would have to wait if the older was throwing up. I’m sure they’d survive.

beclev24 · 01/09/2018 20:37

I’m really surprised at some of these answers. I would definitely have stayed if we had a newborn and vomiting toddler as that is miserable for one person to do alone. And I would have been horrified if DH had left me alone to cope with that unless there was no other choice (important work thing for eg)

Sounds as though your plans could have easily been postponed