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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For leaving dp with ill dd

195 replies

Smarshian · 01/09/2018 19:36

We have 2 dc, DD who is 20 months and ds 11 weeks. I haven't been out with my friends since before ds arrived and organised a night out tonight in a nearby town with friends and to stay at my friends house. This was discussed with dp and agreed a couple of weeks ago. Do also met friends for dinner for a few hours last Saturday night.
DD has had a vomiting bug today and ds has been particularly clingy. I left at 4pm to go to my friends house and have just had a phone call off dp after the kids bedtime and had an earful as do thinks I should have offered to stay as DD was ill.
So was ibu to have gone out anyway?

OP posts:

harrietm87 · 02/09/2018 09:17

I probably would have tried to rearrange my plans in order to keep the newborn away from the sick baby I think. The Dublin trip is different as it was a wedding so couldn't be rearranged, and neither child was unexpectedly ill.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 09:20

Your post is regarding what the friends would do. How would they react and what they would say to one of their friends whose wife rang to ask him to go home because one child was ill and they had a tiny baby.

Depending on whether they thought he shouldn't have gone out would decipher their response.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 09:23

Well yes neither of us would have gone out for the night when one child was ill and the other very small.

Clionba · 02/09/2018 09:29

@Smarshian - have you returned home yet? How are things this morning?

Osirus · 02/09/2018 09:39

I would have stayed too.

But, my child has always wanted me when ill and I wouldn’t have left her overnight at all. 11 weeks is still very tiny!

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 02/09/2018 10:14

I hope you had a good night out OP.

I would've stayed but only as I'd keep thinking about it and therefore not relax on night out.

My DH would likely tell me to go ahead anyway to be honest.

If baby needs a nappy change 10 minutes will not damage them.

Also luckily at that age some pretty music or colourful toy will distract them in the meantime.

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 02/09/2018 10:15

Also are you in SW? My 2 year old has vomiting big too. Happy within herself too except tired as she's not eating.

loveisland · 02/09/2018 15:03

Yeah I would of stayed home, your dd needed you, your ds defo needs you if he gets it and dp probably expected you to at least come home in case he needed help with either kid in the night. Yabu and if I'm honest I see it as a little selfish.

RebelRogue · 02/09/2018 15:20

@loveisland if her husband wanted/needed her home he should've said so before she left,not wait 4 hours and then ring and rant at her.

loveisland · 02/09/2018 15:24

It's not about if dp wanted/needed her, it's about her kids needing mummy!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/09/2018 15:30

I'd have stayed. I really really hate vomit (like worry about them being sick daily) and wouldn't be able to enjoy a night out knowing that my husband was dealing with that at home. But I know he would be the same (he'd probably manage to enjoy himself if he went out but would know I'd be really stressed so would stay because I wanted him to). If they were older I'd have gone. My toddler got a nasty vomiting bug when the baby was 7 weeks old. He took the day off work to look after her so I could take the newborn to my parents as I was worried about it spreading and dehydration etc. Doesn't mean you were being unreasonable going though as plenty people would still go out

SparkyBlue · 02/09/2018 15:47

I would have stayed at home and so would DH. We have both canceled plans in similar circumstances. Equally DH always comes home a bit early from work if any of the DC are sick however I know we are very lucky that he has a job with flexibility.

Lweji · 02/09/2018 16:00

If he agreed with you going out and him staying at home with both children, knowing one was ill, then he's unreasonable to give you an earful just because the night went worse than he expected (presumably).

Children can get ill at any time when either of you go out and if there's one parent at home, for mild illnesses, then it's fine for the other to go out.

Tell him that if he keeps making you feel guilty, then you won't accept him going out ever again, just in case one of the children is suddenly ill.

welshmist · 02/09/2018 16:04

To the OP remember this thread when you are sitting on the loo with your head in a bucket. I would not trust OH to clean everything thoroughly as he went along so as not to spread the germs. So yes I would have stayed. My DS had the norovirus at four months, he was so ill, I would not wish that on anyone.

PositivelyPERF · 02/09/2018 16:13

I would not trust OH to clean everything thoroughly as he went along so as not to spread the germs.

How do you know OP’s husband is lazy, like yours? He might be every bit as good as, or even better than the OP, at cleaning up after him. My husband was fastidious about hygiene.

Original poster

Smarshian · 02/09/2018 16:59

I returned this morning. DD had slept through all night and been fine all day today (no more sickness after about 5.30pm yesterday). Ds had been up for feeds as usual during the night. All that had happened was he had had to handle bedtime for them both on his own and found it difficult. He apologised for ranting at me.
In response to some frankly sexist comments. DH is a clean freak and is much more likely to keep the house disinfected than I am! He goes out plenty with his friends and it was just unfortunate that the one night I planned to stay away in about 6 months DD had been unwell during the day.
All family members are fine. I did enjoy my night but it was somewhat tainted by DH's phone call.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 17:04

I'm flummoxed to why you asked if you being unreasonable when you clearly don't think you were!

Glad your eldest is feeling betting though.

Lweji · 02/09/2018 17:47

it was somewhat tainted by DH's phone call.

I hope it doesn't put you off going out next time. Even if one of the children isn't 100% (but not at A&E level).

Aeroflotgirl · 02/09/2018 18:16

I agree op, I am sure if it was an A&E emergency you would have rushed there, its just a sickness bug, which single parents round the world have to deal with on their own.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/09/2018 18:16

Glad that you had a lovely time.

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