Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
shoofly · 28/08/2018 14:22

I'd be narked too, but possibly she couldn't afford to tax and insure it and associated running costs?

schopenhauer · 28/08/2018 14:23

If she was genuinely struggling as you say it seems foolish of her but I think yabu as you gave her the car and so it was hers to do as she wanted with. I certainly wouldn’t listen to anymore of her sob stories however!!

sittingonacornflake · 28/08/2018 14:24

That's outrageous!

Nikephorus · 28/08/2018 14:24

I'd be discontinuing any friendship & explaining in words of one syllable if she asks. If she couldn't afford to run it then she should have said. You don't flog it and then explain that you've bought a bbq & holiday!

purplepandas · 28/08/2018 14:24

Wow! I would be royally pissed off, that's way out of order. She should have asked you first in terms of whether you would like it back. I can't believe the cheek of your 'friend'.

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 14:24

In that case shoofly she should have returned it to OP and said “thanks for the offer but I can’t afford to run it”, not flogged it!

OP I’d say something, that is spectacular cheeky fuckery, even by MN standards!

ThatFridayFeeling · 28/08/2018 14:24

Sorry, that has made me giggle! It's frustrating and I can understand your reaction however you DID gift it to her, it's her decision what she does with it afterwards. It may be that you saw her struggling to get her kids to school whereas she didn't and felt a car wasn't a priority...

The fact she spends extra money on a barbecue and weekend away may also explain why she's struggling to make ends meet.

BasicUsername · 28/08/2018 14:25

Total CF.

I know that once you give a gift, it is theirs to do as they wish with, but still... I would be furious with her.

Don't ever give her another thing.

She sounds incredibly short sighted financially. She will regret that expensive barbecue when she is walking her children to school in the pouring rain this winter.

Imnotsurprisedreally · 28/08/2018 14:26

The thing is, once you give something away, you don't have any say in it any more.
You did a nice thing and it has brought pleasure to the people you gave it to. Just not in the way you thought it would.
Don't worry about it now. Just feel good that you improved the lives of that family.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:26

Yes I did give her the car I just assumed she would use it to avoid getting soaked on the school run....I am comfortable but not loaded by genuinely thought she was in need.... if she had sold it to buy food that would be different but a bloody bbq!!

OP posts:
Kaykay06 · 28/08/2018 14:26

That sounds a lovely thIng to do, very kind and as a single mother of 4 myself I know how hard things can be so would’ve appreciated your kind offer.

Perhaps she isn’t a confident driver?, can’t afford insurance/upkeep of a car? But if that was the case she could’ve declined or asked if you minded if she sold it to pay for some food shopping for next few weeks/bus passes or something helpful if she’s struggling but I guess it was in her name so she chose what to spend it on.

Don’t stop this from being kind again as I think there aren’t enough people like you about x

Tinkerbellisnotafairy · 28/08/2018 14:26

It's a difficult one - on the one hand, you gifted it to her, so yes technically it was hers to do with what she wanted. However, the reason you gifted it is because she was struggling - but buying a top of the range BBQ and a holiday suggests they aren't struggling that much.

Unless, as a PP has said, the tax, insurance and running costs were too much for her.

Morally, the least she could have done is contact you and explain the situation, and check that you were ok with her doing so.

Booboopidoo · 28/08/2018 14:28

I can understand how you feel but I also think gifts should be given and then let go of and what the recipient chooses to do with said gift is entirely up to them. That said I wouldn’t blame you for backing off from the friendship if you feel your approach to stuff like this and hers are incompatible.

Winterbella · 28/08/2018 14:28

Gosh, I'm shocked she didn't even try to hide the fact she had sold it.

AndInShortIWasAfraid · 28/08/2018 14:31

You sound absolutely lovely, OP. That was such a kind thing for you to do.

ClaryFray · 28/08/2018 14:32

If you'd have bought her a top would you have expected that back when she was done with it. You gifted it. If you wanted a say on what would have happened you should have loaned it to her.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/08/2018 14:32

The fact she spends extra money on a barbecue and weekend away may also explain why she's struggling to make ends meet

What, because she's too stupid to manage her money like an adult and understand the difference between needs and wants?

Of course people are struggling and don't have enough for basics, but it's not always lack of money that puts them in this position, it's wasting the money they do have on stupid shit.

She's been given a huge and extremely generous leg up by the OP, and it's been thrown back in her face. Maybe a cheap break or day out was 'needed' if they wanted something nice to do, but they could take a picnic to the countryside in their free car?

The BBQ, well there really is no excuse for that, expensive ones do little more than much cheaper basic ones, ridiculous to sell a useful, life changing tool like a car to buy fripperies like BBQs.

category12 · 28/08/2018 14:32

At least she didn't buy a a camper van with it, eh?

rainbowstardrops · 28/08/2018 14:32

I know you gave it to her so technically she can sell it etc but what a CF!!!! Shock
I'd toot my horn and wave when she's getting soaked on the school run in future!

Gillian1980 · 28/08/2018 14:33

Yanbu.

Yes, technically she can do what she likes. But it’s bloody rude!!

silvercuckoo · 28/08/2018 14:37

I was a bit Hmm when a (non-struggling) friend was re-selling free baby hand-overs from me on Facebook after her dd grew out of that age (breast pump, bottle heater, cot, travel system / buggy etc). But to each their own.

pcrumbs · 28/08/2018 14:37

I would have to say something. I would probably tell her that I wouldn't have given her the car if I'd known she wasn't going to use it and was just going to sell it. I would say that you would have sold it and used the money for something else.

Bluelady · 28/08/2018 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:39

No genuine post... not a troll I swear this has happened. I’ve been a mumsnet user since 2007 ( had a few name changes along the way ) never seen the thread about a campervan!

OP posts:
HerondaleDucks · 28/08/2018 14:40

Jesus. That's awful. Who the fuck does that?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread