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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:22

I think it's unreasonable to sell it so quickly and buy a bbq and go on holiday!

But, for instance, I have a tablet I don't use very often. And someone who does a bit of work for me I know hasn't got much money and 3 DCs. I'm going to ask her if she'd like it for one of her kids who are young... and I will say at the time, do with it what you want, sell it if you want. That's different, I couldn't care.

But when you give something for a specific reason like the OP did, it is wrong to flog it.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:23

Is is possible you're one of those (many) car owners who cannot imagine living without a car themselves, so just assume everyone else is the same?

She could have said No???

Just because people ask you if you want something, you don't have to take it!

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 15:25

She sold her car a while back and stated she hated walking, her kids were miserable and she wished she could afford a car big enough for her family so I didn’t just assume she was unhappy walking!

OP posts:
RB68 · 28/08/2018 15:25

You need to be the bigger person and realise you gifted her something that she decided wasn't for her so she sold it to buy something that was. Sometimes the help you offer isn't the right sort for the person but they accept in the knowledge they can make it work for them. Plus also when you gft a car its kinda expensive with running costs, MOT, repairs, petrol, insurance etc etc. So just be glad she has benefited and they have done something for them all in the family etc etc.

Its like when people give you money but then dictate how you spend it...its no longer your thing you gave it away for her to do as she pleases.

ElainaElephant · 28/08/2018 15:27

If she was struggling to make ends meet, and had to sell her car, it's maybe not a surprise that she might not have been able to afford another one..

Yes it's cheeky, but it would be mortifying to say 'sorry, I can't afford to run it'.

Rebecca36 · 28/08/2018 15:30

You were very generous to give her your car but once a gift is given, it is no longer yours. The new owner can do what they like with it, it's theirs.

I might have been a bit hurt in the circumstances but there's nothing you can do about it. Except learn.

BaronessBomburst · 28/08/2018 15:30

I think that some of you on this thread have never been flat broke. If she couldn't afford to run the car she may have decided to sell it and enjoy a windfall instead. If a holiday was something she couldn't have otherwise afforded, she's now had the chance to do something special for herself and the children. A BBQ is something they may have been wanting for a long time and can be used regularly for years. Those two things would bring more pleasure to their lives than a car they couldn't afford to run. She might be extremely grateful and counting her blessings.

Or she could be a cheeky fecker with terrible money management. We don't actually know.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 28/08/2018 15:31

All of this "it was a gift she can do as she wishes" stuff is utter bullshit. She'd been hugely rude and ungrateful.

She could have refused the car if she couldn't afford the upkeep, or even said "oh would you mind terribly if we actually sold it and took the kids away"?
She's been a monumental cheeky fuck.

If she is struggling to make ends meet then a top of the range barbeque and weekend away at the expense of the OP is hardly a priority?!

A similar thing happened with our in-laws who snapped our hands off for our old sofa which we offered around to family before we went to the trouble of listing it for sale; we were happy to give it to family for free.
The cheeky fuckers had us drop it off at theirs and they we found out that they immediately sold it for £200.

RibbonAurora · 28/08/2018 15:32

Is is possible you're one of those (many) car owners who cannot imagine living without a car themselves, so just assume everyone else is the same?

Is it possible the recipient could have refused the offer in that case? Give over. Someone offers me a car trying to help me out I either say thank you very much it'll be such a help or no thank you I LOVE walking and cycling in the rain. Either way, I wouldn't take and before it's had time to make a tyre imprint on my driveway trade it in for a fucking bbq grill.

swingofthings · 28/08/2018 15:34

Shocked by the response of some posters. A gift is a gift has no place here. OP wasn't looking to get this person any expensive gift and after thinking of what to get her decided on the car. OP assumed this person was in a genuine need of a car and thought that gesture would really help that person and her family. If they didn't need the car or couldn't afford to run it they should have thank OP for her kind offer but say no thank you.

This is yet another example of the state of entitlement this country has fallen into and why people who can afford to be generous are becoming less and less so. The ungratitude of some people is staggering.

Starlight102 · 28/08/2018 15:34

Think I would be asking for the profits back at this point!

ExFury · 28/08/2018 15:36

Total CF. When my girls were small and I was on my arse my cousin offered me her old car. I knew I couldn’t afford to run it so I said no. That’s what you do. You don’t take a gift from someone and sell it on ffs.

Allthewaves · 28/08/2018 15:38

I'd be really annoyed

Poppyinagreenfield · 28/08/2018 15:40

You gifted it and it was a kind act.

They swapped it for something else that they need more in their circumstances which you know not the reason for.

You did a kind action and if you follow it up with an unkind thought it will negate some of that goodness,

Accept it and be glad for them.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/08/2018 15:43

She sounds a bit dim to me! The fact that she invited you round for a BBQ suggests that she has no idea she's done something rude (and is possibly terrible with money).

It WAS rude, but I'd forgive her simply because she seems so unaware/dim. Just don't give her anything else of value, ever.

PhilomenaButterfly · 28/08/2018 15:43

I'd feel lazy driving to school. It's a 20 minute walk. If I still had a school age child who shouldn't be out in the rain for health reasons, I'd grab the offer with both hands, but he's an adult now.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/08/2018 15:43

Yes it's cheeky, but it would be mortifying to say 'sorry, I can't afford to run it

No it isn't, don't be ridiculous. They work in a school. It's likely that most people have a long list of things they can't afford and general colleague chit chat will include moaning about bills and general money struggles.

It's not like CF colleague is the sole low paid cleaner in a lawyer's office where everyone's driving Porsches to work where they earn shed loads.

WineAndTiramisu · 28/08/2018 15:43

She's a definite CF. I'd be backing away from this friendship and if she asks why, tell her!

swingofthings · 28/08/2018 15:44

Poppy do you really think if that friend had said to OP that she wanted a barbecue and short break that OP would have said 'oh what a great idea, I don't have much money but here goes a few £100s to treat yourself?' Of course not. So why would anyone think their action was acceptable?

AmericanEskimoDoge · 28/08/2018 15:44

Very rude!

There's no way something like this won't affect your relationship. Any sort of friendship you had will cool, perceptibly. That would be the last time I ever did her a favor.

I probably wouldn't say anything to her-- unless she noticed the change in our relationship and specifically asked what was going on, in which case I'd explain what any normal person should already have known (i.e. that you don't take a large gift from someone only to sell it and pocket the cash for yourself).

DoubleNegativePanda · 28/08/2018 15:46

There's another thread on here about this same issue but from the other perspective, and on that one the OP is being assured she is not a CF and does not owe her MIL any of the proceeds from selling a car that was a gift. Sometimes I think MN just tells people what they want to hear.

Slimmingsnake · 28/08/2018 15:47

I think your within your rights to ask for the money from your car back.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 28/08/2018 15:48

Definitely don't give her a lift anywhere.

This is way more cheeky fuckery than the camper van. The mil in that case wanted him to have the car for her benefit, not his, although that's not to say they behaved well in that case.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 28/08/2018 15:48

@DoubleNegativePanda but that car was forced on given to the OP specifically so that they could chauffeur the MIL around with with it. Totally different circumstances.

RabbitsAreTasty · 28/08/2018 15:50

Seems like she assumed you are loaded. I mean you can afford to give £1000 worth of stuff away to a colleague.

Expect more hints for handouts, jealousy from other colleagues, less chance of a pay rise, rumours of your lottery won.

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