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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
Halfahunnerstillastunner · 28/08/2018 14:41

I do understand the whole "it was a gift so she can do what she likes" thing in theory but I'd be the same as you OP and thinking wtf??!!

I'd be backing away from the friendship because if she's dumb enough to trade in a reasonable car that could be of lasting use for her family for a fancy bbq at the END of the summer season/a weekend that'll be forgotten by the time the cold winds and rain arrive, then she's not the kind of sensible woman I want in my life. What a CF and a stupid one at that.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/08/2018 14:42

At least she didn't buy a a camper van with it, eh?

Grin Grin Grin

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2018 14:44

I'd agree that technically it's hers once you gift it, so it's hers to donwith as she pleases, but I'd also be gobsmacked by this. I'd probably say to her you'd gifted the car to help with the kids, you didn't realise she didn't need it, and would just sell it, but that it was hers to do with as she pleased.

I'd probably not give her anything else. However as others said, it could be she simoly couldn't afford to run it.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:44

The only thing I should have made clear in my op was this happened a month or so ago ( I work in a school so haven’t had to see her yet) I know I will have to face her eventually however!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/08/2018 14:47

Technically ok as it was a gift but massive CF.

Andylion · 28/08/2018 14:47

OP, if she ever complains about getting her kids to school again, I couldn't help myself, I'd have to say something like, "Perhaps you shouldn't have sold the car, then".

TheMaddHugger · 28/08/2018 14:48

Unbelievable.

Op, can you be my friend Please Grin

Roussette · 28/08/2018 14:49

Why does everyone assume she can't afford it/she's a nervous driver etc.
Even if that is the case (unlikely if she's used it), she shouldn't be cashing it in and making up to £1,000. Even if it was a gift. It's brass neckery and she will know that you gave it because she's struggling on the school run and to just sell it to make money is a slap in the face.

If she'd have asked the OP for money for a new BBQ and a holiday, no way would OP have paid for that!

AlbertaSimmons · 28/08/2018 14:50

Need to know more about the camper van...

MusterMark · 28/08/2018 14:51

If you give something to someone, it becomes their property, to do with as they wish.

Gifts with strings attached are not gifts.

CoolCarrie · 28/08/2018 14:51

Bloody hell she was cheeky, it wouldn’t be so bad if she sold it and bought another car, but a bbq is mad. You did a kind thing op, so don’t let it stop you being kind in the future.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 14:51

How weird there's another thread like this (camper van.)

When you see her.. I'd be saying... 'Oi... did you enjoy your holiday and have you had lots of barbecues?! The van was to help you on the school run, y'know, I wasn't planning on financing those things!'

CoolCarrie · 28/08/2018 14:51

Anyone got a link to camper van thread?

Santaclarita · 28/08/2018 14:52

I wouldn't be her friend anymore. What a cf/bitch.

Bluelady · 28/08/2018 14:52

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3347428-Do-we-owe-Mil-this-money

Fill your boots, Alberta.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 28/08/2018 14:52

It’s incredibly rude.

To me, there’s a clear distinction between gifts and things people give you to help you out when you’re struggling. A gift is yours to do with as you please, within reason, but something someone gives you to help you out when you’re struggling/in a fix needs different handling. I would always check with the person who had given it to me if they wanted it back first. Case in point, I’m taking a lamp, curtains and a print back that a friend ‘gave’ me a while ago when I needed to redo our spare room for someone to use, but we were going to be renovating it and changing everything after they left. I was going to buy stuff in Dunelm, but she had all of this just on the loft after redecorating themselves. I’m going to take them around today to see if she would like them back, if not I’m taking them to the women’s refuge drop off place. But I wouldn’t dream of doing that until I’ve checked with her. That’s curtains, lamp & print...not a bloody car! She’s a rude, cheeky twat who needs telling. First if all I’d casually ask how much she got for the car, THEN tell her she’s a cheeky twat and you expect the money ASAP as had you known she wasn’t going to USE the car, you’d have sold it yourself. Cheeky bitch.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 14:53

Of course, gifts are gifts and should be without strings. But there is also common decency too. It's one step too far to cash in something after a month.

Andylion · 28/08/2018 14:54

I also think that the fact that she sold it so quickly after having been given it, (6 weeks?) somewhat negates the "it's a gift so she can do what she wants with it" line.

sue51 · 28/08/2018 14:54

I suppose it was hers to do with what she will but I would have been upset by this. The decent thing for her to do was return the car and explain she couldn't afford to run it. I'd have choked on my bun if I was the op.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/08/2018 14:54

Just feel good that you improved the lives of that family

By allowing them to buy a BBQ?

If you happen to see them walking somewhere this winter please don't offer them a lift!

DiabolicalMess · 28/08/2018 14:55

The cheekiest of the CFs.

9amTrain · 28/08/2018 14:56

That is fucked up!

It doesn't matter whether it was hers to do with as she wishes. She was only just given it, and obviously to use, not to sell. They'd surely be pissed off if the tables were turned.

DarlingNikita · 28/08/2018 14:56

If you give something to someone, it becomes their property, to do with as they wish.

Gifts with strings attached are not gifts.

I think this. And yes, I did say something different on the MIL/camper van thread; but that 'gift' was given with the intention that it would continue to benefit the giver, whereas here you just gave it away and (I'm assuming) didn't expect any benefit from it in the future.

One way to look at it is that whenever you go round for a BBQ, you know you'll be getting a good one...

I would say that I would not be quick to offer her financial help in the future, though.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:58

Just seen the link to camper van
Thread... huge coincidence! I only posted today as I know I will be seeing a lot more of her next week, I still feel incredibly annoyed about the whole thing and wanted advice on whether to broach it!

OP posts:
9amTrain · 28/08/2018 14:58

@ClaryFray why are you comparing an item of second hand clothing with a vehicle...?

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