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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
Sailinghappy · 28/08/2018 17:00

Just wow!!!!! That’s so unbelievably rude!!!! Well done OP for doing such a lovely thing - I wouldn’t be continuing this friendship personally.

OctaviaOctober · 28/08/2018 17:04

In my experience the massive hint droppers are always the cheekiest of fuckers.

It's one of those MN phenomenons that when someone takes advantage of your generosity and screws you over you will be told that you cannot dictate what someone does with a gift. I suppose legally she could do whatever she wanted after you gave her the car, but morally she's very much in the wrong, and if I were you I'd blank her from now on.

BlancheM · 28/08/2018 17:21

God that is awful. Awful. Bet she's going to get loads of use out of that top of the range BBQ :/ sometimes people struggle because they make really stupid choices.
Don't stop being the lovely person you are though, what an amazing thing you did.

Newyoiker · 28/08/2018 17:27
Shock
Coyoacan · 28/08/2018 17:29

I always pass on things I've been given for free. It's how things work

This!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/08/2018 17:31

She’s a monumental CF and I wouldn’t be offering her any more help.

esk1mo · 28/08/2018 17:33

omg Shock Shock

id honestly say something, tell her outright how cheeky that is. she could have given you it back if she didn’t want it. omggg.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/08/2018 17:41

OP I would let it go but would be passive aggressive and beep your horn with a wave as your drive past her every morning in the pissing rain in a couple of months.

Oh - definitely this . . .

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2018 17:41

I honestly can't decide what's more bizarre - someone hinting that a colleague/distant friend give them a car or that person actually being given one. Totally beyond my experience.

Frogscotch7 · 28/08/2018 17:42

She’s an idiot. She’s lost the respect and consideration of the OP who sounds like a person worth having on your side.

OP Yanbu. I hope it doesn’t affect your obviously kind nature. Hope she doesn’t burn herself on the new bbq...

woollyheart · 28/08/2018 17:51

Some people have different priorities for what they prefer to spend their money on. That's ok!
But you don't effectively beg for something for free, and then immediately sell it so you can buy luxuries.
You were very kind, and she didn't deserve it. But not everyone is like her, so don't let this discourage you.
Best to be aware that the people who are obvious in pleading poverty are not always the ones that really need your help.

Troels · 28/08/2018 18:00

Well no you know why this CF struggles. She makes really stupid choices, a bbq and a weekend away won't get her kids to school all dry in the winter will it. She'll be moaning once the weather changes, make sure to roll your eyes and say well thats your own fault when she complains.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 28/08/2018 18:15

I've been given cars in the past, by kind family members who knew we were struggling. I'd never have dreamed of selling one, it's just insulting.

In terms of things I've given away (expensive crib and other assorted baby stuff) I've always said to the people that they could sell it, give it away or tie to trees for the fairies once they were finished with it. I said this purely so they didn't feel awkward about it later on, I would still have been miffed if it had all been sold 6 weeks later! And baby stuff has a more defined (and usually shorter) life, so it's to be expected that it needs to be disposed of sooner or later. A car is different and at the very least it sounds foolish to sell it to buy things which are of only short term benefit.

I don't think I would raise it with her, because you won't achieve anything. I'd just never give her anything and I wouldn't consider her a friend on any level. Assuming the it was her free decision to sell and her partner hasn't exerted any undue pressure.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 28/08/2018 18:30

My partner had a similar situation recently. He had a large, bulky piece of electronic equipment which was worth a couple of grand when he bought it several years ago, but which was now a bit out of date (but still perfectly usable). He mentioned to our neighbour that he was having a clear-out and would probably sell it, unless neighbour could get any use out of it?

Neighbour came round to look at it and said that he’d be delighted to take it. My partner said that he could just have it, as it was just nice to know someone was using and enjoying it. Neighbour insisted on giving my partner some token amount in cash, £50 or something like that.

A week or so later partner bumps into neighbour, who beams at him and says ‘Guess what? I put that thing on eBay and I got £500 for it!’ Partner was gobsmacked.

The cheekiest part was that a few days later, neighbour was moaning to him that he didn’t know how he was going to post it to the eBay buyer because it was too big and heavy, and asking my partner if he had any tips!

Partner decided not to make a fuss in the end but was exceedingly pissed off about it. I just asked him about your car situation and he said the annoyance comes from the fact that you (and he) chose to take the financial hit of not selling the item because you’re happy that it will be bringing some enjoyment to that person instead. So when they go ahead and sell it they completely change the terms on which you decided to part with the object, which is really frustrating!

hendricksy · 28/08/2018 18:34

I have a rule that I never sell anything I was given . I'm guessing these people were not brought up well.

OnlyObjectivity · 28/08/2018 18:59

hendricksy

I have a rule that I never sell anything I was given.

I'll bet that makes you a lot more selective in the gifts that you accept! Smile
(my Dad has tried to palm me off with a lot of stuff I really don't want or need.)

CSIblonde · 28/08/2018 19:16

She not good with £ and her priorities are fun stuff not basics. How often will she use a bbq? There are dirt cheap ones everywhere, why get a mega expensive one?

1CantPickAName · 28/08/2018 19:23

My ex found a lovely footstool sitting by the side of the road and brought it home (not ex then). We used it for a couple of years and when I was redecorating I wanted to get rid of it. When I googled the maker, it turned out to be by a well known furniture designer. I sold it and gave my ex half the money, it seemed fair and he was grateful, and very surprised! It was money for nothing as far as I was concerned and it was his find after all

hendricksy · 28/08/2018 19:39

I don't get given much to be honest lol but for example if someone has given me children's clothes I will re gift on and not sell ... I do sell a lot of stuff as I change my mind often but never anything I got free . It's just wrong.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 28/08/2018 19:45

In answer though OP - your colleague clearly is very dim-witted and has no clue about her very poor conduct, so just don't give her anything in future and don't listen to her bollocks about being skint.

I have a colleague who constantly moans about how poor she is - can't afford to put the heating on, one tin of beans to last the week between three people etc etc - so naturally I'd offer money, I'm not rolling in it but come on, I can afford to buy her some decent food - very same night it would be "fresh highlights, new nails and off to the pub" on her instagram. Absolute piss take.

Sorry10 · 28/08/2018 19:51

Lesson learnt I’m afraid .
In my experience those who plead poverty aren’t that hard up . Those who are too proud to ask are the ones who need it .
People like that have different priorities like spend there last £10 on today rather than worry about tomorrow.
I used to work with a girl who was like that I used to feel sorry for her but she would borrow off everyone I wouldn’t mind but it was for a takeaway and a taxi home ( she worked 20 min walk away and didn’t drive ) sorry but I’m not lending money to someone so they can get a takeaway.

AnneElliott · 28/08/2018 20:03

I agree she is a CF. No way go you sell something that's been given to you as you've complained you're skint!

I would be annoyed too op.

Frolie · 28/08/2018 21:56

That’s very very generous of you. What a lovely colleague you are. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by your kind gift. Bizarre of your friend to do this. I’m sure most people would have been amazed and appreciative of a colleague kindly giving them a car! Some people...?!?!

ZanyMobster · 28/08/2018 22:06

Total CF. The campervan thread is totally different scenario and not really relevant to this situation at all.

Some people are just so entitled. If someone gave me a 2nd hand pram or something and I had finished with it I would ask the original person if they wanted it back or not first, I wouldn't just sell it on without asking. I find it odd they wouldn't. I think it is partly so cheeky due to the quick sale of it and what they bought with it. Just seems wrong!

InProgress · 28/08/2018 22:10

Well she got her BBQ for the rare nice Summer days and let's face it it'll be another few years before we have another lovely Summer. In the meantime winter is coming so you'll be driving to school whilst she'll be walking in the rain, and wind, and snow. You can smile and wave as you drive past.

Maybe she can use the BBQ lid as an umbrella?

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