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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:

MsHopey · 28/08/2018 14:59

Anybody else wishing they had friends as generous as the OP?

When someone gifts you annloody car, you don't sell it in less than 6 weeks for profit. It's disgusting and a slap in the face. Comparing a £1000 to a top just isn't really the same, is it?

Original poster

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 15:00

I could have benefitted from the car though, I would have had got a few hundred quid for it at least... I am not poor nor struggling but not rich either!

OP posts:

BigBlueBubble · 28/08/2018 15:00

YANBU. You charitably gave what you thought was an essential item to someone in need, only for the recipient to flog it to treat herself to luxuries. If the recipient didn’t want/need the car she should have said so, you could have sold it and had the bbq and holiday yourself. Very greedy and selfish imo, I wouldn’t be friends with her any more.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:01

One way to look at it is that whenever you go round for a BBQ, you know you'll be getting a good one...

I would not be going round for a BBQ, I'd choke on it. It would be a different thing if she took the 7seater and then after a week or two said to you, look I can't really afford it, what do you want me to do with it? But it looks like she hasn't even used it for a school run!

A BBQ is hardly going to help her get to school is it? Nor is a holiday that's been and gone.

Personally, I'd be avoiding her.

Whatjusthappenedthere · 28/08/2018 15:01

Actually I only insured the camper van with it . Hope it doesn’t derail your thread OP

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/08/2018 15:02

ou gave her the car and so it was hers to do as she wanted with

Legally, this may be so. Ethically, morally, bloody rude.

hmmwhatatodo · 28/08/2018 15:02

That’s shocking. No way should she have been selling it on to buy nonsense. I can’t believe she actually told you what she used it for, she could have at least had the brains to make up a story about poverty. Awful and I’d be unable to let it lie either. How long did you manage to stay at her house for? I’d have been desperate to make my excuses to leave. That was a really kind and generous thing that you did and she hasn’t appreciated it. How did she react when you initially offered it to her?

SerenDippitty · 28/08/2018 15:02

But it looks like she hasn't even used it for a school run!

She has, says so in the OP.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:03

Totally agree with your post BigBlueBubble

Seaweed42 · 28/08/2018 15:04

She presumed you gave her the car away because you didn't need it. It sounds like they really didn't want a car.
She probably thought she was doing you a favour taking it off your hands.

Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:04

Oh yes, missed that bit Seren

Fireworks91 · 28/08/2018 15:05

The campervan scenario is totally different. The OP there was totally reasonable to do what they did, but in this case the 'friend' is a total CF!

Roussette · 28/08/2018 15:05

She probably thought she was doing you a favour taking it off your hands

You can sell cars and make money you know!

greendale17 · 28/08/2018 15:06

When someone gifts you annloody car, you don't sell it in less than 6 weeks for profit. It's disgusting and a slap in the face.

^This. I couldn’t be friends with someone like this

IrmaFayLear · 28/08/2018 15:06

I agree with poster on previous page who said that a gift to help someone out is different from just a gift.

Legally once you've given something away, it belongs to the recipient, but the gift of this car was in response to the OP's friends struggles, so it was in a way falsely procured.

I have seen people (family members) who have whined that they have no money in order to prompt a donation (of money/generous gifts), when in fact they are no poorer than the next person.

The colleague is an extreme CF and if I were OP I would mention the car and say they are disappointed that didn't in fact want it, in which case it should have been returned.

BigBlueBubble · 28/08/2018 15:06

OP gave the car to get the kids to school in warmth and comfort. Not for the greedy mother to flog it and buy stuff for herself. And I’d point that out to her at the earliest opportunity. I’m gobsmacked at the CFness!

QueenOfMyWorld · 28/08/2018 15:08

She should have returned it to you if didn't want it,CF

hackmum · 28/08/2018 15:10

MsHopey: "Anybody else wishing they had friends as generous as the OP?"

What the OP did was very kind and generous. But people don't like being the receiving end of this kind of gift, because it highlights the inequality between them. Every time the friend looked at the car, it would have reminded her that she couldn't afford it herself. I think her friend did this deliberately as a way of saying, "Yah boo sucks, we don't need your generosity. And what is more, we're going to fritter the money away on something ridiculous, just to prove it."

Of course, the appropriate thing to do would have been to turn down the gift in the first place if she felt like that.

Therealjudgejudy · 28/08/2018 15:10

She is one of life's piss takers

LouHotel · 28/08/2018 15:12

OP I would let it go but would be passive aggressive and beep your horn with a wave as your drive past her every morning in the pissing rain in a couple of months.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/08/2018 15:13

Can't believe people are making excuses for CF colleague or even accusing the OP of lording it over her when she tried to do a nice thing to help her out .

DontTouchTheMoustache · 28/08/2018 15:17

You are a wonderful and kind friend OP that was incredibly generous. Your friend is awful, at least now you know.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/08/2018 15:19

Did she say she wanted a car though?

What strikes me is that you say after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car NOT that she said she was struggling with the school run, or that she disliked walking and cycling.

Is is possible you're one of those (many) car owners who cannot imagine living without a car themselves, so just assume everyone else is the same?

lottiegarbanzo · 28/08/2018 15:20

Also, running a car is really expensive.

Maybe she prefers the simple, strings-free, minimal overheads option of walking and cycling?

SerenDippitty · 28/08/2018 15:21

It was a very kind thing to do. Your friend could at least offered to give you something for it even if only a token amount.

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