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Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
BabyCobra · 30/08/2018 04:12

All this talk of poor people and the right to buy luxuries is completely misleading and very condescending to those struggling.

This person's problem is not that she is poor but that she is greedy and selfish. I am sure she would have the same personality traits if she was wealthy.

My mother-in-law is a low income earner and has raised three boys as a single mother. She would give you the shirt off her back and still to this day tries to argue with me over who should pay the bill in a restaurant. One of the most generous people I know both with money and time.

I know people earning in excess of 200,000 pounds a year who when the free fruit comes round the office, fills their bag with as much as they can get.

Greed, entitlement and selfishness has very little to do with class or wealth.

Monty27 · 30/08/2018 04:19

That was a great post @BabyCobra
I think my point has been missed completely way early on about making assumptions.
Furthermore greediness is beyond my tolerance. All the way.

DazzlingMilton · 30/08/2018 05:14

10/10 for CFery. Did you ask her if she needed the car when you gave it to her, meaning - did she accept it for the purpose which you intended? If so, I would remind her of that and say you feel really disappointed and you could have given it to someone else who did reallyxneed it instead. Then back off and don't see her.

TwoBlueShoes · 30/08/2018 05:40

Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure there must be some kind of process to transfer ownership of a car. It’s not like the OP just dumped it on her drive and ran off. She must have accepted it.

browneyes77 · 30/08/2018 07:07

Did she complain about having to walk the kids to school?

The OP has already confirmed that she had moaned about having to walk the kids to school.
The OP said this on Page 4 of the thread:

She sold her car a while back and stated she hated walking, her kids were miserable and she wished she could afford a car big enough for her family so I didn’t just assume she was unhappy walking!

Sissyjd · 30/08/2018 07:54

I know someone like this..rubbish with money, debts eveywhere, 'everyones friend' needs to be with a man even if he's a vile controlling nutcase she met off a site then married!! different story...she was giving away some clothes she never wore and GAVE me pair trousers...only to ask for them back several months later as decided she may like to wear them. So shocked I did. I did similar, had few things to ebay...she asked to see them..had few nearly new items FOR FREE..only to flog them to someone else!!!

TeachesOfPeaches · 30/08/2018 08:24

Can everyone please stop saying 'gifted'.

manicmij · 30/08/2018 09:32

Why on earth did she take the car if no funds to run it, didn't see the need for it. Should have offered it back to you. You coukd have bought a bbq and had a holiday. Chancer of the first degree.

Leapfrog44 · 30/08/2018 09:43

There are loads of threads along these lines and I'm always shocked that it actually happens. I'd tell her you're pissed off and not worry if it ends your friendship, it's totally freaking out of order!!

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2018 10:29

If you gift something and there are conditions and expectations attached to the gift you should make that clear.
I think people have different ideas what a gift is or means.

impossible · 30/08/2018 10:30

YANBU. This is out of order and difficult to deal with.

I have no advice about how to handle it but maybe you should think with hindsight what would you have done differently - perhaps you would have said have my car but if it's no use to you please can I have it back (to buy a bbq and a weekend break..).

In any case what you did was kind and wonderful. There have been times in my life when kindness like yours helped turn things around. I then passed it on when I was able. Don't let this make you cynical.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 30/08/2018 10:36

Total lesson learned here.

She won't be able to keep harping on anymore about taking the kids on the bus in the rain, as that ship has sailed. If she does have the cheek to mention it again, I would laugh in her face.

Do not give her any lifts.

Brambleboo · 30/08/2018 10:37

I think you should have a quiet word and let her know you're a bit upset and ask why she sold the car. Was it running costs etc etc.

How she could not think you'd be upset, I really don't know. She seems incredibly thoughtless.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/08/2018 10:48

Gift is a verb

NOT IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

Grin
frufru27 · 30/08/2018 11:56

It’s reasonable to be pissed!! A family friend of mine was really struggling a few years ago,so I for a few months I bought her food nappies baby milk,electric etc etc. Not long after she had a family holiday to France...i later found out I had been subsidising her whilst she was saving for her holiday...cheeky cunt!! 😱

RibbonAurora · 30/08/2018 14:19

SchadenfreudePersonified
NOT IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

It is though, it's in your attic, buried in a long-abandoned copy of the OED just lurking and waiting along with all those other pernicious non-verbs that are verbs like 'to medal' and 'to science' soon to be released upon an unsuspecting world by an unwary definition seeker.

You know what you have to do. Burn the house down (try not to breathe in any of the smoke) - then RUN!!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/08/2018 17:09

STOP!

My mind is made up!

I refuse to allow you to confuse me with facts!

Look - I'm putting my fingers in my ears and singing loudly!

*if "lala-ing isn't a verb, it should be Grin

I still refuse to use "gift" as a verb. Some thing may be "legal" - but they are just wrong.

fattyboomboomboom · 30/08/2018 18:49

Schadenfreude - Ribbon facted you whilst you were lalalalaing. Strikes match.

Tistheseason17 · 30/08/2018 19:33

... slightly misses the point..... I loathe it when tv hosts say, "XX medalled in the Beam".
To Medal is not a verb. I agree with Ribbon!!

RibbonAurora · 30/08/2018 22:23

Thank you, Tistheseason7 I've felt so alone up to now.

fattyboomboomboom facted?
Much respect.
Now that's how to verb a noun - are you watching this Schadenfreude or are you still ostriching?

Tistheseason17 · 30/08/2018 23:03

🤣🤣🤣

KitchenDancefloor · 31/08/2018 07:11

Gifted may be technically correct but it does sound like something a person with English as a second language would say.

"Vlad, you drink all the vodka I gifted you?", ventured Vanka.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/08/2018 12:47

Normally I'd say a gift is a gift, but the CF made such a play on your sympathy along the lines of you are so lucky to have a big car you don't need or want and poor me I have to walk. If only I had one.
She KNEW even if it wasn't stated outright because you are probably too kind and polite to try to shame her or lord it over her with upfront conditions of things that may never happen, she knew WHY you were giving her the car and she accepted it on that basis.
It is completely out of order for her to accept it and then quickly sell it - thereby raising over £500 or so in ready cash.
I don't understand why people are saying "Oh well, unless you spelt it out that there were conditions to the gift.. " The CF KNEW exactly why the car was being given in response to her hard luck complaints and therefore took it under false pretences. I don't understand why she gets off scot free on this one. Its not the decent thing to do whether its a gift or not. The OP is quite right to question this behaviour and she is not being stingy or lacking in generosity to do that. This is walking all over her. The OP might have needed the money herself. I'm sure she'd like a new barbeque. How could the CF do that without realising that it was a cheek. She did know and did it anyway and now she is braisening it out. She is greedy and selfish. Having said all that OP.. I can't really suggest what you do next but if it was me I'd be tempted to tell it to her straight so that it is all out in the open, that you think its a real cheek, and that you know she knows why the car was given and selling it and pocketing the cash was not why it was given and you are sure she knows that. Then I would probably drop it and drop her.

Michellelovesizzy · 01/09/2018 12:47

Thats was a very kind thing to op...... if she couldnt afford to run the car she should have given it back to you. Selling it and buying a bbq and going away is not right.. this girl is no friend of yours drop her out probably no piont saying anything. I find saying anything any thing to idiots like this always ends in an argunemt which u always in up coming down to there level and they beat u with there experince of being an idiot.

Original poster
LondonElle · 03/09/2018 15:26

UPDATE......guess who turned up today in a new car!!! By new I mean 6 years old but still a fairly expensive model... neither of us has spoken all day ( opposite key stages) but can’t avoid her forever!!!

OP posts:
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