Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t believe what a cf my colleague is!!!!

338 replies

LondonElle · 28/08/2018 14:21

Long story short, I have a work colleague with four children who was struggling to make ends meet, I recently upgraded my 7 seater vehicle and after seeing her struggling to get her kids to school in the rain on bikes and on foot I decided to gift her the car instead of selling it ( car wasn’t worth loads but I estimate I would have got about £500/ £1000 for it )
So she’s thrilled and happily uses the car to do her shopping/ school runs etc
6 weeks later she invites me around for a bbq... I see the car isn’t in the driveway so ask about it and she tells me they have sold it to buy a top of the range bbq and to book a weekend break!!! I was speechless and still am!!!! I know there’s nothing I can do but I’m shocked how cheeky she is and I’m not too keen to maintain this friendship any further..... I think she could tell by my face I wasn’t very impressed...!! Do I say something?!

OP posts:
1CantPickAName · 28/08/2018 15:52

YANBU, definitely a cheeky fucker. But......

1- if she is struggling she probably can’t afford to run another car= yes she should have returned it to you
2- she has taken her family away on holiday with the proceeds = who knows when she will be able to afford to do that again
3- you would never have given it to her if you’d have known she was going to sell it = you wouldn’t have given her £500-£1000 cash would you?

Unfortunately you might just have to chalk this up to experience, don’t let it get to you

Coyoacan · 28/08/2018 15:56

She should have said "Thanks but no thanks"

What a shame that such a kind gesture was wasted on such an unappreciative

Aaaahfuck · 28/08/2018 15:56

This is rude and cheeky. I know people will say gifts are yours to do as you want with them. However when someone gives you something they could sell themselves then you sell it that's plain rude. If you are considering not being friends why font you ask her about it?

mononoaware1907 · 28/08/2018 15:57

What a lovely gesture from your side, OP! You are a lovely person!Thanks

For those saying that maybe she couldn't afford insurance etc, then she shouldn't have accepted the car!

When you're struggling a bbq shouldn't be a priority, but each to their own! Not sure what you can tell her, but I'd just drop it and distance myself.

MusterMark · 28/08/2018 15:58

Suppose the OP was along the lines of: I gave my colleague a car, and two weeks later it broke down and required expensive repairs, which she has asked me to pay for.

I suspect the concept of unconditional giving would rank higher in replies to this situation.

plusonefail · 28/08/2018 16:00

What is the camper van thread?

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/08/2018 16:02

What would the people defending the colleague have said if the OP had posted 'I know my colleague, who is a single parent of 4 DCs, is struggling for money so I gave her money to buy food, top up the electricity meter and get the bus to work, but she spent it all on a weekend away and a really expensive BBQ' AIBU to be annoyed?

Would people still be saying that it is up to the colleague to do as she pleases with the gift? Really?

amusedbush · 28/08/2018 16:05

Fuck me, what a cheeky cow!

Yes, legally it was a gift and hers to use or sell as she wished. However, morally she's a cheeky fucker. Outrageous!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 28/08/2018 16:05

I can't believe her audacity....what shocking behaviour.

Much more trivial but my neighbour often gives me second hand children's clothes. When my daughter has finished with them I GIVE them to someone else who can use them or take them to the charity shop. I would never dream of selling them....really bad karma!!

GreenTulips · 28/08/2018 16:11

I always pass on things I've been given for free. It's how things work.

Selling the car was rude,

Have you spoken since?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/08/2018 16:12

I honestly think she's thick...

cakecakecheese · 28/08/2018 16:13

So cheeky. My Mum gave my husband at the time her car as she was giving up driving. He used it for a couple of years but when we had enough to buy another car we sold it. I offered my Mum the money we got for it but she said no as it was a gift which was very nice of her. There's no way I would have just sold it and pocketed the money even if it wasn't my Mum and was a colleague etc.

Yogagirl123 · 28/08/2018 16:13

The nerve of some people, yes you gave it to her, but to help her not for her to sell and buy a bbq and have a holiday! I bet she didn’t offer you a penny OP, CF of the highest order!

AspieHere · 28/08/2018 16:18

YANBU. She should have not accepted it if she didn't want it. Not take it, flog it and buy non essential items with it.

OnlyObjectivity · 28/08/2018 16:21

I had a similar experience many years ago, but on a much smaller scale.

I had a friend who was out of work and depressed. They were into making music, so I gave them a portable music keyboard that I was no longer using. I liked the keyboard a lot, but figured they could make better use of it than me.

I was told later that they took it straight to the secondhand shop and sold it to buy some dope.

I've very rarely "gifted" anything since, and on the odd occasions I have, it's also been a mistake Sad

violet0805 · 28/08/2018 16:22

What a bloody cheeky mare!! And what a lovely kind hearted thing you did to help her.

I was pissed off when a friend told me she was struggling to clothe her little girl so I gave her lots of my daughters clothes she'd grown out of. All immaculate and some with the labels still on.
Then saw them all for sale on Facebook a week later! She was flogging one of those expensive baby sleeping bags that I paid £30 for, for £2.50!

We don't speak anymore.

Twillow · 28/08/2018 16:25

It's more than rude, it's immoral and extremely disrespectful to you. She obviously hadn't thought it was. Difficult as she is a work colleague but I'd be having a quiet word about how hurt you were that if she didn't need your car anymore why didn't she ask you if you wanted it back, rather than selling it for treats.

Sunrise888 · 28/08/2018 16:34

I sympathise, we had a very expensive sofa bed, barely used, that we gave to two friends of DH because we wanted to get rid of it quickly, and they had no money and said they were looking for one. In less than three months they found new jobs and moved out of the country, leaving the sofa bed with their landlady, presumably as a gift. If we'd known it was going to be so short term, we'd have sold it or given it to charity 😒.

woollyheart · 28/08/2018 16:36

I had a similar situation with a car. A relative pressured me to sell it half price to them so they could give it to their son because 'he really loved that car'. I would have preferred to keep the money as a bigger deposit on my next car, but gave in and let them have it and they gave it as a gift to their son. A few months later I noticed that their son had a different car - and he gleefully told me that he had sold it for a good price (half of what I had been offered from a garage) and had got himself the car he really wanted.
I wasn't happy either!

RomanyRoots · 28/08/2018 16:39

It was a lovely thing to do. maybe she couldn't afford to run it, but no wonder she has no money if she blows it on bbq's and weekends away.
I would distance myself definitely, and I'd let her know why.
maybe be careful who you gift things to in the future.

Marmie4 · 28/08/2018 16:39

It's unbelievable how cheeky some people are and how their priorities are so wrong. It was a really kind and generous gesture on your part, it's a shame she has behaved this way.

purplelila2 · 28/08/2018 16:44

OP why did you gift a car to someone who is just a colleague?

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2018 16:50

In what world is it normal to give a work colleague a car? Did you offer her the money to run it too? You made a big assumption about her economic situation/lifestyle choices dressed up as a present. Now you are cross she's not living up to those assumptions.

If you cant afford to gift something, dont gift it. If you do gift it then remember it's a gift - no strings attached

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 16:52

She was a friend of sorts not exceptionally close but we got on well, I gave it her as I really though that she would benefit from it as I wasn’t relying on the money from it to get by!

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonElle · 28/08/2018 16:55

She was hinting for ages about how she needed a car, her kids were struggling with the walk etc etc.... I had a car I no longer needed so thought I would do her a favour nothing more to it than that, yes I’m annoyed because I didn’t expect her to spendthrift proceeds from the car on a non essential item!

OP posts: