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Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.

OP posts:
glueandstick · 26/08/2018 12:25

Nope. She sounds difficult.

KC225 · 26/08/2018 12:32

Hahaha. That is bloody funny. Love that your DH shared his portions. Good man. But the idea of the two of you scoffing a furtive drunken fish and chips in the garden whilst she was peering through the window is comedy gold.

I wouldn't want to call her. She was rude and you retaliated. However, it could be one of these Mexican stand offs that escalates because no one backs down.

tangoed2 · 26/08/2018 12:35

Absolutely don't call her, your DH can do it instead and tell her she was rude to give you the food she did (although I suppose from a good place in her eyes) but to outright call you a pig is another lever rude and she should be saying sorry immediately.

Merryoldgoat · 26/08/2018 12:36

She called you a pig? It would be a cold day in hell before I called her. And if my DH didn’t back me up there’d be serious problems.

What a rude and unwelcoming woman.

Thisnamechanger · 26/08/2018 12:36

My DF does this, it's really weird, am I'm skinny as anything (not that that should matter, you should always give your guests enough to eat).

DF even said to me when my and DP and DB and SIL arrived "there are five steaks like, two smaller ones. That's not sexism or anything, these are just for you and SIL"

So I pointed out it was in fact sexist. Best part was SIL was given one of the larger steaks by mistake when food was served and she refused to give it up. DP thought it was hilarious and had the smaller one instead.

MrTrebus · 26/08/2018 12:36

I think it was a bit rude to go and get pissed and then eat in her garden. Fair enough eating whilst you're out etc but although she sounds like a dingleberry I think you were a bit rude but your husband was in on it and it's his mum so guess it's up to you. Not sure why you need to apologise when your husband was at fault too in a way?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/08/2018 12:38

Nope, DH should call, she shouldn't be calling you names when you and DH are the same food. His penis does not require feeding

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/08/2018 12:40

I pride myself on having a fantastic sense of humour, but I don't find it in the slightest bit funny.
Why should you call her. She's the one in the wrong behaving like a control freak. Dictating what and how much you eat.
Good Lord where is your back bone.
If she wants to go on a crash diet fine. That's up to her but Tell her not to lay her trip on you.

Fluffyears · 26/08/2018 12:40

I eat the same as or more than DH. I’d have been raging at the cheek.

Thehop · 26/08/2018 12:41

This is brilliant! Don’t you DARE grovel to her!

maxthemartian · 26/08/2018 12:41

What an awful woman. It's totally not up to her to decide on your food intake.
I get a bit panicky when I stay with people and don't get given enough to eat. I can't sleep when I'm hungry.
Well done on how you handled it. Fuck apologising.

Needahairbrush · 26/08/2018 12:42

The ‘pig’ comments negates any perceived rudeness on your part. Do not apologise.
My MIL once gave me a ‘funny’ key ring about dieting as a present. I told her I didn’t want it and gave it her back.she also does penis portions.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 26/08/2018 12:43

I'm raging on your behalf. Mainly at the fact she served herself more than she did you.
I get very invested in these situations Blush

CoughLaughFart · 26/08/2018 12:43

Not sure why you need to apologise when your husband was at fault too in a way?

In what way? None that I can see.

Don’t call her OP - and if she calls, get your husband to tell her you would come to the phone, but you’re too busy eating a three-tiered wedding cake to yourself.

AviatorShades · 26/08/2018 12:43

penis portions GrinGrinGrin

Only thing I'd do different would have been to fone her from the chippie to ask if she wanted anything while you were ordering, then carried on as you did....

Think I might have checked that she had pickled onions and malt vinegar in her larder or if we needed to buy them too?...can't abide f&c without pickled onions and lashings of vinegarGrin

rainingcatsanddog · 26/08/2018 12:43

Your h should have asked her wtf with regards to the portions- especially as hers was bigger than yours.

Wasn't there somewhere out of the house where you could have eaten the fish and chips?

clockworklime · 26/08/2018 12:43

Penis Portions?

MyBrexitUnicornDied · 26/08/2018 12:44

Your MIL sounds awful.

I don’t really get people portioning out food for guests. Surely it’s put on the table and people serve themselves? Obviously this won’t work with steak.

Singlenotsingle · 26/08/2018 12:44

She's rude and judgemental. If you and DH are both happy, surely that's the main thing. I don't think you need to ring MIL. What are you supposed to say? "Sorry for being hungry/needing more food/eating fish and chips"? She needs to ring you, and say "sorry for not giving you enough food/calling you a pig". How rude! Take your own emergency food supply next time!

BarryTheKestrel · 26/08/2018 12:45

YANBU at all.

Nothing annoys me more than other people deciding how much I should or should not eat. If I'm cooking I make equal portions for everyone and usually enough for seconds if anyone wants extra.

My Gran over feeds everyone and gets very put out if you leave food on your plate, whereas she serves herself a normal sized portion.

Calling you a pig was down right rude and your DH needs to be standing up for you. The only apology here should be from your MIL.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 26/08/2018 12:46

Yeah I wouldn’t be calling either... Is he a little boy who needs mummy always to be happy with him?

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:46

I have relayed to DH the verdict of mumsnet. He isn't happy (i think he had some idea that his mum and i should be great friends, especially as my mum died when i was a teenager) but oh well. Frankly he's so hungover i suspect nothing will make him happy.
She's always done penis portions. I have not commented until now. She also liked jokingly Hmm telling me that I don't want pudding. I bloody do!

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Fatted · 26/08/2018 12:47

I wouldn't apologise and I'd be angry for DH in suggesting it either. She called you a pig.

thewreckofthehesperus · 26/08/2018 12:47

She called you a pig Shock
I would definitely be wanting an apology for that one and I wouldn't be picking the phone up first either. Tell your partner she's crossed a line and if he can't see that you've a dh problem too.

rainingcatsanddog · 26/08/2018 12:48

What does he think about his mum calling you a pig?

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