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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
merlotmummy14 · 26/08/2018 14:05

Was actually reading about this issue in this feminist parenting book I got as a gift. Used to be the way that the men were served first the biggest and best portions followed by women and children. Didn't know anybody still did this - in my house I am the skinniest and eat the biggest portion (usually dished out for me by DP). MIL and I both hate steak however so often order a smaller fish meal when we go out to steakhouse for birthday dinners. That said when we go to a coffee shop together with DD we will literally cheer each other on for having yet ANOTHER slice of cake. Think she wishes her DD (my SIL) would be a bit more open to having a treat every now and then. Think she would be hurt if we brought back fish and chips when visiting though as she would have made us something more substantial if we were hungry. That said, she usually comes to the pub with us when visiting and is the first to suggest a poke of chips after any alcohol has been consumed. Your MIL sounds like a cow and you should not apologise under any circumstances.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/08/2018 14:05

It's cheap and nasty to have guests and only do stingy portions.

Singlenotsingle · 26/08/2018 14:06

Ah! Sorry! Gottit! Grin

Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 14:07

single a dildo. Penis =more food

OP posts:
Ofthread · 26/08/2018 14:08

Every feast I go to, everyone has to weigh in at the beginning and have their BMR calculated before the food is dished out.

Rebecca36 · 26/08/2018 14:10

She sounds very rude indeed, no-one should be called a pig. In any case constant remarks about weight are counter productive when a person is overweight (I know that because my husband is).

Your husband could have a word with her, discreetly, telling her how out of order she is in what she says, and why. It might work.

Slartybartfast · 26/08/2018 14:10

when i stayed with inlaws everyone got a slap up full english breakfast and i think i was offered cereal, because I was a vegetarian

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 14:10

Aldi Disappointingly it wasn't my DH's finest hour. He always enjoyed mymum fussing over him and he thought I seriously overeacted, (it had been a stressful visit anyway and I just lost it). It was only when my girls pointed out that in all the time they have visited my mum they have never once got a cooked breakfast that he accepted there was an issue.

Actually he has been diligent in recognising my family's crazy behaviour since and now reassures me that it's not me, it's them.

Milfromhades · 26/08/2018 14:11

Dearie me, some ladies will pay a fortune to go to an expensive spa and yet when we MiLs give you the same treatment for free its not appreciated at all. DiLs can be so ungrateful ime. I suggest you send your dMiL a big box of chocolates to apologise.

SallyGardens · 26/08/2018 14:13

My MIL would do that. And then when I'd finished eating before anyone else, would spend the rest of the meal asking if I "was sure I'd had enough" and "there's plenty more potatoes" etc, drawing attention to the fact I might want seconds while pushing half a potato around her own plate.

She's a dire cook though so I was happy with my smaller portion to be perfectly honest. I just fill up on coffee (equally bad unless DH has made it) until we can leave.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 14:17

Gah, Tinkly, I'd have grabbed their plates and forked off some for my DDs at the least. 'Oh, that's actually plenty, Mum, it's just that you've fet it all to the blokes. How sexist and mean.'

FASH84 · 26/08/2018 14:18

I'm so glad my MIL is a baker and a feeder 😁 She's also always had horses to see to so has a healthy appetite after the stables.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 26/08/2018 14:18

The alcohol would have gone straight to the OPs head because she had an empty stomach. Frankly MIL is lucky OP wasn't eating a kebab and smuggling a traffic cone into her garden.

As for offering an olive branch, we'll make sure there's a good few juicy olives on there smothered in oil.

This thread has inspired me to dish up penis sized portions for dinner tonight. And possibly penis shaped.

MIL calling you a pig is not on, I hope your DP knows this.

TwitterQueen1 · 26/08/2018 14:19

Sidetrack alert - sorry!

@MrTrebus
I have never heard of the term 'dingleberry' before! Am I the only one? I've looked it up and found 3 different meanings:

Dingleberry, a common name for Vaccinium erythrocarpum, a type of cranberry. Dingleberry, a slang term for a stupid or foolish person; Dingleberry, a slang term for dried feces adhering to anal hair.

Which one did you mean? Grin

lemonsorbetinthesun · 26/08/2018 14:20

If she rings rings and you happen to answer please oink down the phone. Please!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:20

My MIL is a feeder, and always asks if that is the right portion, or if I want more, usually her portions are quite big. Grin penis portions, why not say man portions.

FoldyRoll · 26/08/2018 14:20

YANBU. This isn't the 30's, FFS. Then, my great grandad would have a boiled egg at breakfast because he was a labourer, and the kids would take turns having the top off it. There weren't any more eggs. Your MIL is rude and projecting her own body issues and internalised misogyny on to you.

When I saw the title of this thread I thought a penis portion was the latest way of measuring food, like a hand full of raisins, but a penis portion of potato. A plateful of cock sized titbits. Not such a reliable measure though. Too variable. You could tell who was well hung by how fat the family was. Grin

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/08/2018 14:20

Your new husband sat there every morning stuffing his full English down whilst you got given a slice of toast?

No, after that first day we'd go out really early and eat in a café. To be honest, I don't think he really knew what to do. He was dealing with a new family, in a language which isn't his native one and he was a bit shocked. His family are farmers and fishermen and everyone is equally overfed!

AngelsAckiz · 26/08/2018 14:22

Fact of the matter is that women don't need as many calories as men due to size, muscle and metabolism.

You wouldn't give a child an adult size meal would you?

When I have people over, I don't serve anyone. I put out serving dishes and let people help themselves. I really hate that someone else dictates what goes on my plate. So I give guests autonomy on that too.

That being said, mil had an ulterior motive clearly and was making a statement to you in no uncertain terms that she thinks you are overweight. Which is none of her goddam business.

My mil once slapped my belly and said "you could lose a couple of lbs!" And I'm not even overweight. I'm just not skinny like her.

Needless to say if I had been you, I would have also eaten chips in front of her. My body is my concern and no one else's. YANBU

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2018 14:23

The alcohol would have gone straight to the OPs head because she had an empty stomach.

No she didn't Confused

She'd eaten lunch and a 'reasonably sized dinner'.

rosablue · 26/08/2018 14:25

Absolutely you should ring mil.

And then say that you were ringing because you understood from dh that she wanted to apologise to you for her appalling comments, treatment of you and bad behaviour towards you. And then just wait to see what she says...

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 26/08/2018 14:25

your MIL is rude for calling you a pig, there is no way I would be ringing her, I would be waiting for her to ring with an apology

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 14:29

Left I'm going to sound really crap here, but I'd never realised myself that my girls were treated the same as me; they aren't big breakfast eaters at home so I'd assumed they'd been offered the full English and turned in down. We don't tend to eat at the same time at my mums.

But when Breakfastgate happened and I kicked off DH said, "Here's mine then, eat it if you're going to be so silly". So I did. He wasn't happy.

It was only during the inquest in the car going home that DD1 pointed out her own breakfast disappointment, which made me feel guiltier and angrier really.

Anyway, the OP has all my sympathies.

TooManyPaws · 26/08/2018 14:30

People who don't have room on a small table for bowls of veg (for example, a retired couple living a deux, who have guests visiting) might well plate up in the kitchen.

In which case, I would ask guests to help themselves in the kitchen and take their plates through themselves, even if I had to step out of the kitchen to let them in. We didn't even plate up for others as a family - who ate in the kitchen most of the time.

LakieLady · 26/08/2018 14:35

If you are overweight, drinking heavily (i.e. getting drunk ) and having fish & chips after you have already had a roast dinner probably isn't going to help.

Perhaps OP doesn't give a shit? Why does everyone assume that anyone who is overweight is desperate to lose weight?