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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 27/08/2018 20:07

I know it wouldn't involve ringing her to clear the air...

AlFrescoFiasco · 27/08/2018 20:08

And yes, you should NEVER call her and try to smooth things over after she called you a pig. Christ, I just can't imagine being that over-invested in someone else's weight or eating habits that I'd become so hostile and verbally abusive to someone as to call them names. She should be apologising profusely to you.

MysteriousQuinn · 27/08/2018 20:24

If it's just us and the kids then I always give DH a bigger portion than me because he has a much bigger appetite. But if I was hosting for anyone then either it would all go in the middle of the table for people to serve themselves or every adult would get the same portion and I'd make sure there were leftovers if anyone was still hungry.

I am gobsmacked that your MIL served you a measly dinner and called you a pig Shock
So bloody rude. What you weigh or how much you eat is none of her business. Okay maybe she has a negative opinion on it but it is disgusting of her to make her opinion so obvious. Horrible woman!

Laiste · 27/08/2018 20:31

She must be very bitter and twisted. The MIL i mean. I'd attempt some sympathy for that. It's a far more pleasant emotion than anger.
But fuck ringing her up!

Vivaldi1678 · 27/08/2018 20:45

I haven't read the full thread, but surely most people just put out the food for guests to help themselves to. Otherwise, how on earth do you know how hungry they are? I absolutely hate anything 'plated up' being given to me, for that reason. It's not only the overall amount, but also that I might like more of one thing and less or none of another.

Given that MIL does apparently go in for 'playing up', she should have asked you what you wanted, how many potatoes etc, when she was serving you. I find the whole situation bizarre.

I also think she was a poor host and should not have insulted you.

happypoobum · 27/08/2018 20:46

It's great to see so many women doing their bit to uphold the patriarchy through the medium of roast potatoes.

PMSL!!! Grin

XMIL used to do this - one of her DDs ended up with an eating disorder as a result. The other was just painfully thin. I used to take my own food when we visited but it did irritate me.

However, MIL needs to apologise for calling you a pig. And DH needs to stop expecting you to play happy families with a woman who clearly despises you Flowers

Vivaldi1678 · 27/08/2018 20:51

Autocorrect to 'playing up' may be appropriate Grin

parentin · 27/08/2018 20:55

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CALL HER!
How rude of her. No problem if she decides to be on a forever diet, her choice.
How dare she then try dictate to you what you should eat and at what potion size. Hardly welcoming behaviour.
I actually think you conducted yourself very well considering all the implications and direct insults.

tworoundsofwaterplease · 27/08/2018 21:02

I hate this! I am 5'3, 10 st something, I lift weights and pole dance. I eat a shit tonne and I would absolutely have wolfed down fish and chips that's a lie I'm vegan but something equally as substantial after drinking and a bit of time later after a meal. Calling you a pig is NOT acceptable. She's obviously projecting her self-image onto you. I don't like the whole 'I eat less than you so I am a better person' mentality either. Unless you're dangerously overweight and unhealthy your body shape should not be anyone's business but yours.

Shockers · 27/08/2018 22:10

Clicked on this expecting to be able to confess to preferring a smaller portion... but not of roasties- never!

Calling you a pig was beyond rude.

Mermaid67 · 27/08/2018 23:08

I would never expect or serve myself same as my husband!

bastardkitty · 27/08/2018 23:17

^ brilliant Hmm

PickAChew · 27/08/2018 23:31

I don't serve myself the same as my husband either, mermaid

I serve him a little more carb.

AnEPleaseBob · 27/08/2018 23:39

I would never expect or serve myself same as my husband!

Me neither. I expect more!

Birdsgottafly · 28/08/2018 00:03

""Unless you're dangerously overweight and unhealthy your body shape should not be anyone's business but yours.""

Why should other people have the right to get involved with your body shape, if you are larger? Unless you've got x-ray vision, you can't tell whose healthy.

dustyparadeground, no it isn't. It might have been a lovely evening and eating outside stops the need for plates etc and any smells.

Icanttakemuchmore · 28/08/2018 00:36

My dm used to be a bit like that. She would give my dh a mars bar when visiting her but turn to me and say 'you're not having one, you don't need the extra calories'. I was a lot bigger in those days and dh used to give me some of his mars bat lol. But dinner wise, she always gave me enough to eat.
I would be mortified if a guest left my table still hungry.
Don't ring her, don't apologise to her and don't accept any more invites to stay . Hope your dh backs you up op. It's your own business what you choose to eat

bitchywitch · 28/08/2018 08:08

In my home I usually have penis portions to be honest. However, never ever ever with guests. My husband's mum called me a "stuck up pommy cword" and I haven't spoken to her since. Hold a grudge if you want to, I know I would. Then again I'm a bit of a cow so don't take my advice, ever.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 28/08/2018 08:13

If it's you serving yourself the amount you judge appropriate, I don't think it counts as penis portions does it? That's just you having a meal you want. It's when someone else does it for you. Typically with no regard for your greater need for iron. Bonus points if breastfeeding, in the hangry stage of pregnancy, or if bigger/with a lifestyle clearly requiring more calories than one of the men at the table.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/08/2018 08:36

That kind of thing, serving more for the men is bad hosting and inhospitable, ask how much guests want if you are not able to get them to help themselves! Don't assume anything! Op was totally right, and MIL behaviour that day probably tipped her over the edge, prior to this I think there was lo level digs, jibes at op, and she just snapped. She snapped when MIL called her a pig, she did not call her son a pig for eating fish and chips in the garden. Double standards. That meal she served her son was enough for 2 whilst her DIL got a meal that would barely touch the sides of a pre school child's stomach, very insulting.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/08/2018 08:49

That size portion was a subliminal message to op from her MIL, saying she is fat and needs to eat less, despite her son being bigger and more sedentary.

bastardkitty · 28/08/2018 09:26

Calling OP a pig wasn't very subliminal though.

Eating a small meal in your own home because you have a small appetite has absolutely nothing to do with penis portions.

AnxiousPeg · 28/08/2018 09:33

MIL was bang out of order.

But vivaldi what's so very "bizarre" about the simple act of plating up? Confused They do it in restaurants without anyone fainting.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 28/08/2018 10:00

Youve been picked up by the papers op

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2018 10:17

Which papers BabyShark?

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2018 10:21

Found it. Daily Star Must be a slow news day.