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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
OkMaybeNot · 26/08/2018 13:13

How was fish and chips rude? Grin

Was the fish phallic in shape?

trancepants · 26/08/2018 13:14

Not being funny but men and women do have different calorific needs. Men are usually bigger and heavier and even if identically sized they have significantly more muscle mass and burn calories at a greater rate. On average a man should be eating about 30% more throughout the day than a women. That's not weird old fashioned sexism, it's biology.

perroy · 26/08/2018 13:14

Reminds me of my MIL, I was 20kgs underweight and she commented on how much I ate to extended family.

All of whom came and told me about it

DolorestheNewt · 26/08/2018 13:15

Surely it’s put on the table and people serve themselves?

People who don't have room on a small table for bowls of veg (for example, a retired couple living a deux, who have guests visiting) might well plate up in the kitchen.

Another thread that makes me grateful for my MIL. My main problem is stopping her offering me the shirt off her back.

Twillow · 26/08/2018 13:17

I think I'd be the better person and apologise 'for my part' but spell out politely and, if possible, light-heartedly that you're an adult and it's not up to her to decide what, or how much, another adult can eat. You're not as far as I can tell on a diet, your husband doesn't seem bothered by your body, and a good host is there to facilitate everyone's happiness.

CecilyP · 26/08/2018 13:18

So your DH wants you to phone his mother to apologise for something that he was equally nvolved in. Shouldn't he phone and apologise,

I don't really have a problem with men having larger meals as they do generally eat more, but what she served you seemed more suited to a 2 year old. You could have said, 'is there a toddler coming to join us as I seem to have his dinner?'

eurochick · 26/08/2018 13:18

She was incredibly rude to underserve you, but getting fish and chips for second dinner is a bit piggy!

fattyboomboomboom · 26/08/2018 13:18

Derek and Green - me too, really disappointed. A portion of penis gives me a lot of visual images.

OP - Cake MIL is a twatwad but rows are an energy suck. Leave it to DP, it's his mum who is sadly food policing you. Imagine if restaurants did this, "sorry Madam as you are a fatty we are charging you double and feeding you half".

MaverickSnoopy · 26/08/2018 13:21

There was a thread on here maybe a year ago almost identical in scenario to yours, except the OP said nothing. She was told that in hindsight she should have done exactly as you did.

I think you handled this brilliantly. The only reason I would be calling her, would be explain that going forward she needs to understand that you and DH both eat the same quantity as one another. However I think I'd be more inclined to leave it and say nothing and then next time you go DH needs to chime in should there be any further issues.

thegreylady · 26/08/2018 13:21

You could buy one of those penis shaped thingies and put it by your plate next time you visit...

catx1606 · 26/08/2018 13:23

There is no way you should call her. She was ride and insulting and it isn't her place to dictate to you how much you should eat. She owes you an apology for the way she behaved. I'd let things settle and then mention it to her next time you see here get your DH to speak to her.

Ofthread · 26/08/2018 13:23

I fucking hate roast dinners with half a roast potato, a sliver of meat and a teaspoon of gravy. It's meant to be a blowout meal, a feast. What's the fucking point otherwise? It's not haute cuisine.

Lookingforadvice123 · 26/08/2018 13:24

She was very rude, no doubt about it. How dare she call you a pig.

I think it's hard without seeing the size of the portion she served you, but I do think it's a bit rude to ask for any more. A teeny tiny friend once made the two of us lunch and it was so minuscule, it clarified to me why she is teeny tiny. I would never have asked for more though.

As pp have said, men do need more calories. My DF will always give himself/my DH the bigger cuts of meat, then we tend to all help ourselves to veg. I don't have any issue with this. Pretty sure MIL probably does the same - DH is a big eater greedy and so he always gets eg three sausages and everyone else gets two. I don't find this offensive in the slightest.

So to sum up, her calling you a pig is horrible, bitchy and inexcusable. But you and your DH acted a bit childishly with the fish and chips, and she probably found you rude when you asked for more, if there wasn't any. If I was hosting and someone did that, I'd be a bit embarrassed.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 13:24

It's sexism to dish up smaller portions to a females you are hosting just because they are female.

PussGirl · 26/08/2018 13:25

On average men eat more & if plating up I give the family men more than I have myself, because I know what everyone will eat. I still eat loads though

If I'm feeding guests, I ask them how much they want as I am serving the meat & put bowls in the middle of everything else.

One roastie (WTAF?) plus one slice of chicken plus a bit of veg is enough for a small child, not a grown woman!!

She was very rude to make assumptions that you were dieting & even ruder to call you names.

You were out of order to eat the fish & chips bloody funny though

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2018 13:25

I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg.

If that's not an exaggeration then that's so weird.

Most people feed their toddlers more than that. Did she serve it on a sandwich plate or a full size dinner plate? Confused

Singlenotsingle · 26/08/2018 13:27

You should have taken the fish and chips indoors to eat (maybe even offered her a chip?)

SinisterBumFacedCat · 26/08/2018 13:27

Op next time try wearing a strap-on to the dinner table.

PrimalLass · 26/08/2018 13:28

I don’t really get people portioning out food for guests. Surely it’s put on the table and people serve themselves?

Surely you get that not everyone does things the same way?

OP, I think I love you. Don't call her.

Tinkofhousepan · 26/08/2018 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

youricloudisfull · 26/08/2018 13:29

I don't think you were rude. You went out, came back and ate some food. She presumably was full because she had control over her portion of food. You didn't. Calling you a pig is so far over the line, the line is a dot to her.

Now I'm really hungry for chips--

PrimalLass · 26/08/2018 13:31

As pp have said, men do need more calories.

In general - yes. In a particular meal you are hosting - no.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2018 13:32

I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry

But you were still hungry after eating lunch and then a 'reasonable sized' dinner anyway.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/08/2018 13:35

I clicked solely because if the title, penis portions,that’s comedy gold that is
I know you’re discussing serious stuff,but the nonsense your mil gets up to is wild
Fish & chips in garden sounds fab. Any picked onion?or curry sauce?

youricloudisfull · 26/08/2018 13:35

So what if it was piggy?! Who the fuck says that to another person? Op is an adult and can make the choice about whether she wants to eat or not. Her dh also had dinner and fish and chips - why is he not getting called a pig?

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