To feel utterly fucking heartbroken

[cagedbutterfly]

To cut a very long and complicated story short DP and I have recently seperated from our 5 year relationship, which we have both raised our 2 children together from previous relationships 7 and 8. It has been a messy break-up and there have been lots of arguments and tension.

Backstory- It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together.

However, after dating a short time, i was asked to move in with him and his 4 year old to what was his marital home, with my then 2 year old, which we have lived in ever since. He has his sole name on the mortgage however i have contributed to some bills and living and raised both children.

Prior to our seperation, We both made a decision 18 months ago that i would leave my job to go back to study a full time degree and that he would financially support myself and the family to do so.

Now he has decided that he no longer wants to continue this relationship and wants me and my dd to leave the home, the home that she has been raised in with his dd, as siblings for the last 5 years.

At present i have a year left in full time education and have no income, and i simply could not afford to stay in the area in which we currently reside. My dd attends the local primary school which is due to re-start in a couple of weeks and hes threatening to kick me out!?

I have tried to be amicable and find a solution without causing more heartbreak and upset to both children, i have offered to sleep in different rooms for the time being until i can find an income source, so i could potentially stay in the local area, but he just throws out that we are not his responsibility or problem anymore?!

I'm so hurt and upset that he could just discard us like that and not show are concerns about the wellbeing of my child who he has raised as his own for the last 5 years and who calls him 'daddy'

I just need some advice.
I feel so alone, i have no family locally and little friends that are not mutual who i can discuss this with who could help.

I am so sorry this happened to you. What a cruel man.
You need legal advice asap.
Also, I think you should get this moved to relationships. You will get much better advice there.

You really need to see a solicitor, and sharpish.

Not many, in fact barely any, offer this magical free consultation. Your best bet is CAB As they have solicitor volunteers available, or to a law centre - some operate as government assisted, others charitable. Unless of course you can borrow some money. Mediation is a requirement usually now which a solicitor would deal with and this may help you in going forward more amicably.

Good luck OP. Wishing you strength to deal with this.

As he is refusing to help you then unfortunately you have little choice but to move out and find somewhere to rent that you can afford. Luckily your child is young enough to be able to fit into a new class elsewhere, As to the never seeing her step sibling/step father I'm really not sureven of the best way to approach that. Does she see her real father?

My god, how cruel! What has caused all this? Has he got family you can ask to intercede for you?

Oh dear. I know it's far too late, but to anyone else reading - please don't give up your income if you're not married. I really feel for you, what a shitty situation.

If a man ever says marriage is just a bit of paper, but don't have you named on mortgages etc, run a mile.

But what would legal advice achieve? The OP isn’t married and it’s his house. With not working also, you’re in an incredibly vulnerable position OP.

I am afraid he has used you OP.
I am so sorry.

Don't see how a solicitor is going to help. You're not married, you have no ownership interest in the house, and haven't even been paying rent or bills or anything? You have no claim to his house.
I am sorry for your troubles but honestly you put yourself in insanely precarious position.

Have you got a personal tutor at university? They may be able to help you get temporary accommodation, possibly in PG digs? Or student welfare might be another route to take.

He hasn't got a heart, has he? Just a block of ice. If the house is in his sole name you haven't got a legal right to stay, as I'm sure you know. Have you got family that you could stay with while you try to sort it out? I would suggest you go to the council and see if they can help with accommodation (even if only b&b) and no doubt you can claim benefits.

Agree that a solicitor won’t help unfortunately. What a horrible situation. Definitely speak to the university

I'm probably not the only one to think that the end of your relationship sounds rather like the start (he was living with someone) so do you think there could be someone else involved?

Not that it helps your housing situation - can you access any advice at your University through student counselling?

He is effectively making you homeless here isn’t he - so you need to go to the council and also see what financial support you can claim I would think?

OP - he effectively making you and your child homeless and you have no income. Approach the council housing department, you don't have to leave the area but you will need outside help. Sadly as you are not married, your DD is not his and the house was in his name prior to the two of you meeting legally he is not obliged to do anything for you or your child. Ask him to please write you a letter confirming he has asked you and your child to leave his house.

Ok, the university is your best bet...hardship funds, parental accomodation, childcare (you and dd) might all be possible... You'll have a wellbeing service there go and speak to them....

Go to you university student welfare, see if they can help you. Talk to your family even if they are far away. You and your dd need somewhere to live. It might be that she has to change school and/or you have to change university. Going to the council for emergency housing is a good idea - I knew someone who got that but her partner was violent. But he's going to make you homeless, possibly without further notice, with your dd so you might have a good case.

I think he is being very unkind indeed and, frankly, don't understand his attitude, especially as both your children are like siblings.

As others have suggested, do go the Council, Housing Associations and University Student Welfare dept.

What an awful situation for the children OP. Unfortunately it seems that stepchildren get dropped like hot potatoes when the shit hits the fan. You need to go to the council as you're being made homeless.

You are entitled to a free half-hour consultation at any solicitor firms. Do your research into the best family ones and go to them. Although to be honest, I doubt they can do a lot. You have no legal entitlement to any of his income or part of the house as you were not married and the mortgage is in his name. And, it sounds harsh, but DC are not his bio-children so he will owe no maintenance money to you either. But this consultation will be free so if they can give you any advice at all its worth it

Also, get in contact with the council. They were fabulous with my cousin who had 2 DD under the age of 2, and no job as she quit to raise them, when she was effectively abandoned by DP and they "gave" her a lovely 3 bed house. Get in contact with the council ASAP and any additional benefits you may be entitled to. Look into food banks too, anything that will save you money. There is a lot more help out there than you realise you just need to research into it and ask the correct people

In terms of you and your happiness, you need to stay distracted. Allow yourself to cry and be upset in private as it is part of the healing process, but don't let this consume you. Find a hobby, meet people, go back and see family more often. Almost everyone has been through heartbreak, it's about acceptance and starting the steps to move on. If this man wants nothing to do with you then it's his loss. There are people, services and companies that will help you out. 1 year struggling will be worth it for the long-term gain

You are clearly better off without him. What a cad! he basically started an affair when he was married and now wants to kick you out of the home you share.

I'm sorry but I don't think uni would be able to offer much; their hardship funds are often very small tokens of support to get a student by when there is a gap in money coming in. It's worth talking to them- one option might be to take a year out and have your course 'frozen' while you earn or whatever.

Do you have parents you can live with even if it means moving areas?

There is NO point going to a solicitor. There was a thread here recently about a poster who found she was entitled to nothing after living with a man for years and years. This is how it is. If you are not married and do not have a joint mortgage, you are not entitled to anything. That is why women with children who do not get married risk being left in this predicament.

See the council, talk to uni, talk to your friends too- if they are mutual friends they deserve to see this man for what he is- don't protect him. If it goes public it may force him to think again .

Backstory- It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together Sorry I know this won't be a popular opinion but you knew he was like this because you witnessed it but maybe it was ok then cos it wasn't you? I don't know. I'd look for work asap, take whatever you're offered and defer the education for a year until you're sorted.

He is being very cold hearted. I know this is small comfort now but I wouldn’t want to stay long term with a man like this. He seemed to be equally cruel to his ex too.

You could talk to the university, and you’ll make it. You could even get a part time job, maybe Uni accommodation, ask them. Being away from him will be way better for you emotionally. Keep yourself very busy and when you have your qualifications you’ll be in a better place. Keep going.

Hello, I work for a university, I’m sure yours will have lots of support and can signpost you to other help including help with accommodation. Please contact Student Welfare as soon as you can. So sorry OP.

Can I just make a small correction on a previous post-you are not entitled to a half hour free consultation at any law firm, only those that offer that service.

I work for a firm that does not offer a free half hour service, it is not an automatic thing.

Seems off the point but it's important.

Op, I'm so sorry, I hope you find someone in rl who can help you