To feel utterly fucking heartbroken

[cagedbutterfly]

To cut a very long and complicated story short DP and I have recently seperated from our 5 year relationship, which we have both raised our 2 children together from previous relationships 7 and 8. It has been a messy break-up and there have been lots of arguments and tension.

Backstory- It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together.

However, after dating a short time, i was asked to move in with him and his 4 year old to what was his marital home, with my then 2 year old, which we have lived in ever since. He has his sole name on the mortgage however i have contributed to some bills and living and raised both children.

Prior to our seperation, We both made a decision 18 months ago that i would leave my job to go back to study a full time degree and that he would financially support myself and the family to do so.

Now he has decided that he no longer wants to continue this relationship and wants me and my dd to leave the home, the home that she has been raised in with his dd, as siblings for the last 5 years.

At present i have a year left in full time education and have no income, and i simply could not afford to stay in the area in which we currently reside. My dd attends the local primary school which is due to re-start in a couple of weeks and hes threatening to kick me out!?

I have tried to be amicable and find a solution without causing more heartbreak and upset to both children, i have offered to sleep in different rooms for the time being until i can find an income source, so i could potentially stay in the local area, but he just throws out that we are not his responsibility or problem anymore?!

I'm so hurt and upset that he could just discard us like that and not show are concerns about the wellbeing of my child who he has raised as his own for the last 5 years and who calls him 'daddy'

I just need some advice.
I feel so alone, i have no family locally and little friends that are not mutual who i can discuss this with who could help.

Regardless of anything else, wtf were you doing moving your daughter into someone else's home and giving up your income so bloody quickly? 5 yrs is nothing, and this all happened quicker than that. I know gate/horse etc, but seriously.

Oh, has the op not come back? There's a thing.

Karma's a bitch, isn't it.

I don't think the op will be entitled to benefits to carry on studying. I'd expect them to tell her to put the course on hold and look for work. Otherwise every tom, dick & harry would expect taxpayers to pay for them.

Talk about kicking someone when they are already down.
OP this is not a great board to post for advice mainly posters picking for a fight.
Try posting in relationship board instead.

Honestly, OP, you’ve done pretty well out of this. 4 years living rent-free, 18 months of not needing an income and having your course funded.

He’s entitled to ask anyone to leave his house any time he wants.
While I understand this is very upsetting for your child, you have to take responsibility for putting her in that position in the first place.

Speak to your college and council in relation to funding/accommodation.

Don’t waste time on exploring any legal rights that previous posters have alluded to- you have none.

My friend has just completed a degree as a single mum on benefits and had financial support so it is very possible. She got a bursary, housing benefit, paid no tax, her dc got benefits, childcare payments and free meals and she had maintenance from her ex. In fact she will not be any better off on her starting salary. It is possible to continue study. Good luck.

Lots of these threads at the moment. Only surprise is that the OP isn't pregnant. Sigh.

Wow. A lesson for all the OW out there. It will be ignored, of course, but it is still a lesson.

OP - you need to get the practicalities sorted but there is no doubt you can continue to study as a single parent. You should also consider counselling to look at why you have such low relationship standards and why you accepted this for yourself.

His wife had an affair with another woman and man during the relationship, and they mutally ended their marriage however still communicate now one would even say they was friends and speak more than we have done in the last few months. They was in different rooms when he started a relationship with me and i met her several times and she expressed no concern over tje relationship.

OP Do not give your course up. You have a year left and then have more earning power. Speak to your University and student finance England about funding.
The local counsel will also help those who are unintentionally homeless.
Lucy you that you get to keep your child, unlike the ex wife.

It is better to be alone than to be with a man like this.

It is always better to be alone unless a man is completely decent and enhances you, fall for nothing less. You can tell really quickly by the way he treats others.

This man started a relationship with you whilst still living with his wife. That makes him a shit. Why did you think he wouldn’t shit on you too?
You can bet he has found someone else. At some point he will shit on them too.
Why are women so bloody gullible?

I would complete the courser. Go to see the university. Of course he has funded you for all that time so morally perhaps should be handing you a bill . Never time out earn your man and move him into your house rather than vice versa and things work out better!

In your latest post you say his previous partner "expressed no concern" when you started your relationship but in your OP you said she "made things extremely difficult" - which is it?

Either way, he has clearly decided he's not going to get caught a second time with a partner he doesn't want in his house so he is treating you very harshly. You say after dating a short time, I was asked to move in with him - why did you do it so soon when you had a 4-year-old to consider?

It’s not a popular view on here but I do agree with xenia

Infinite - she made things extremely difficult when it progressed into a more serious relationship / i.e. me moving in - she didnt want to be in a relationship with him, however when she got paid out of the house they shared moved in down the road and continued to show up unnannoced to the home go through my things and just take the car when she felt like it...things that caused strain on a nrw relationship and when i say new i had been with him 7 months when it was decided to move in and i continued to work and contribute to work and contribute in his house as i only worked part time i took on majority of the childcare of both children.

Why shouldn't she make it difficult? She is his wife, she has a child with him and lives in their marital home?
Are you stupid enough to think she wouldn't care?
Quite honestly it seems as if you really haven't thought any of this through at all.
You oust a woman out of her home, move in with a man who lets you do that, give up all financial security whilst with a man who has already shown himself to have shakey morals and now you have been shafted, just like his wife was.

Why was he the resident parent if he was just going to leave the majority of the childcare to a very new girlfriend? Sounds like he just swapped you in for his ex-wife because it was convenient for him and you took over where he left off. He probably already has the next woman lined up to do the same, he's unlikely to give up the benefits of a live in partner otherwise.

ohreally, it's not a lesson for 'OW out there', what an utterly stupid thing to say. It's a wake up call for women who do not have financial independence or legal protection of marriage.

cagedbutterfly, if you can ignore the pitchfork nonsense and read around that to the posts offering actual advice; get your 'ex' to declare in writing that you're being made homeless, and take that to the council. You have a child, they have a duty to house you, start there. He can do that for you at the very least, horrible man. Could your daughter stay with grandparents over this weekend so she doesn't have to witness this coldness?

*she left off

I also agree with Xenia but that's not helpful for now this minute.

Sorry to hear you’ve broken up OP and it must be hard but another way to look at it is, you’re very lucky that someone has housed you and your daughter for free and funded 2 years of education for you.
Now go find that power within yourself, complete the last year solo, sortyiurs and your daughters life out. Give her stability and a loving mother.
In 6 months, a year you could well be stronger than you ever imagined and thriving! Good luck

He started a relationship whilst still married (& living with his ex) and he asked you to move in with your child after a short period of time- I'm sorry but both of those things would have disturbed me and set alarm bells off.

I don't want to sound judgemental but you need to spend more time thinking over any major life decisions (quitting your job whilst unmarried?) for your daughter's sake.

I get that lying but honestly the number of times women say oh my oh would never ...

You moved in with a man you had only known for seven months when you had a child to think of? I think you are equally to blame for the situation by virtue of your irresponsibility.

I disagree with other posters. I don't think you should expect loans and benefits to help you finish your course. You need to defer your third year. In the meantime you need to get a job and maintain yourself and your daughter. I see no reason whatsoever for the state to bale you out. Your daughter yes, and I guess your daughter may need you to have a roof over your head for her sake. But student loans and tax crefit and housing benefit to allow you to complete a degree. No. Go to work and fund yourself and when you can do that fund your own education and lifestyle.

I agree there are probably two sides to this and possibly your meal ticket has run out.

Survived What a spiteful post... 'meal ticket'? SAHM mum are you? OP says she's done the majority of child care... just saying. The rest of my post isn't just at you, there are lots like you (unfortunately) on this thread, elbowing each other out of the way to be the nastiest, first...

There are ALWAYS two sides - or maybe THREE. His, hers - and the truth, which is somewhere in between. There's not nearly enough information on the thread for the gratuitously nasty judgements. Never let lack of information spoil the thigh-rubbing of the smugly sickening vultures though, eh?

OP needs to do and get what she is legally allowed to, for herself and for her daughter. Anybody 'advising' differently because they feel 'she needs punishing', is a pathetic, mean-minded moron and, if I believed in 'karma', I'd expect it to smite them and teach them a lesson.