To feel utterly fucking heartbroken

[cagedbutterfly]

To cut a very long and complicated story short DP and I have recently seperated from our 5 year relationship, which we have both raised our 2 children together from previous relationships 7 and 8. It has been a messy break-up and there have been lots of arguments and tension.

Backstory- It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together.

However, after dating a short time, i was asked to move in with him and his 4 year old to what was his marital home, with my then 2 year old, which we have lived in ever since. He has his sole name on the mortgage however i have contributed to some bills and living and raised both children.

Prior to our seperation, We both made a decision 18 months ago that i would leave my job to go back to study a full time degree and that he would financially support myself and the family to do so.

Now he has decided that he no longer wants to continue this relationship and wants me and my dd to leave the home, the home that she has been raised in with his dd, as siblings for the last 5 years.

At present i have a year left in full time education and have no income, and i simply could not afford to stay in the area in which we currently reside. My dd attends the local primary school which is due to re-start in a couple of weeks and hes threatening to kick me out!?

I have tried to be amicable and find a solution without causing more heartbreak and upset to both children, i have offered to sleep in different rooms for the time being until i can find an income source, so i could potentially stay in the local area, but he just throws out that we are not his responsibility or problem anymore?!

I'm so hurt and upset that he could just discard us like that and not show are concerns about the wellbeing of my child who he has raised as his own for the last 5 years and who calls him 'daddy'

I just need some advice.
I feel so alone, i have no family locally and little friends that are not mutual who i can discuss this with who could help.

Sometimes I absolutely despair of this place. And ironically people who are so utterly judgemental and nasty rarely have uncomplicated lives and makes good decisions themselves.

Sorry things haven't worked out OP. There has been some good advice so far between the bile. I really hope things work out for you and your daughter. Sorry I have nothing practical to add. Just wanted to wish you the best. X

How about your parents ? Cd they put you up for a few months?

This will be so hard for the children. I'm sure you're worried about his DD too. The girls are now old enough to remember each other well, which is worth pointing out to him. Maybe a letter might help, to ask for a staged separation for the girls where they get something like a weekly then monthly playdate so that this doesn't come as too much of a shock. Regarding your own situation, you'll need to agree to move out soon; it's probably for the best for your own mental health to do so anyway. Of course you're upset and worried, and it's natural to be heartbroken, but you've been there before with heartbreak and you know it passes eventually. I'm sure you'll miss his daughter far more than you'll miss him once you think it all through. It looks like you've had good advice about talking to the council and university welfare, good luck!

Op, you have had some decent advice here on practical steps in the immediate term. I can't add to that so won't try.

In the longer term, I think you could probably do with some support on what healthy relationships should look like. The are several things you've mentioned across your posts that are concerning and suggest your idea of what a healthy relationship should look like is pretty skewed.

Once you've sorted the priorities, do consider getting yourself on the Freedom Programme. I guarantee nobody there will give you a hard time - one of their ground rules is no judgement and no telling you what to do. But they will give you all the information you need so that you don't end up getting involved with men like this in future.

There are things about all of this that you're not seeing now, but will with time, support, and additional information. That knowledge will help you in the future.

May sound harsh but he's probably doing to you what he did to his wife. This should have been a red flag for you, once a dirty cheating b'stard, always a dirty cheating b'stard whatever spin you put on it. A harsh lesson to learn but at least you know what some men are like, especially ones already in in a relationship. It's going to be a bumpy ride for a while but first and foremost you must protect your child's emotional wellbeing by not explaining all adult problems in full colour. At her age play the severity of the issue down and do not let her realise how bad things are,put on your oscar winning performance and stay strong. Go to the council; you have a young child and are at imminent risk of being out on the street. Do this ASAP to see where you stand. I hope it works out for you.