Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

Why did you cancel?

Are you involving them in making plans for where to go?

Take them somewhere you know the house would like. Or send them to GPS and go without them.

Sounds like the younger two might benefit from either being involved in the choosing of the destination or some firm discipline.

How old are they and why are they dictating family life?

Maybe give them a break. My children were a bit like this for a while. I think we just were doing too much. Days out almost every weekend. We went on holiday three school holidays in a row and in the end they were just kind of "can we never just stay home and CHILL?!" So I scaled everything back and now they're showing enthusiasm and asking to do stuff again. How old are they?

I think holly is right, my parents were a bit like this and they meant well but it affected my social life as a teenager.

They are 14 and 9. It's difficult with different ages not to let them dictate family life. Obviously the 18 and 16 year old get a fair say in what to do. The younger ones if we include them in the planning just want to do their stuff.

I cancelled because they are refusing to go.

Ds is happy to go to Grandma but Dd2 is 14 and thinks she is old enough to stay at home with Dd1. She isn't and would be up to God knows what.

How old are they?
How involved are they in the plans?

Why can't the 14 yo stay with the older 2 and you take the 9yo?

Why can’t she stay at home with the older two if they are happy?

Of course they just want to do their stuff, that’s where compromise comes in - “right so x wants to go to so and so rhis morning and then tomorrow we will...”

Why can’t the fourteen year old stay with her older siblings and you get to spend some quality time with the younger child

Holly we have tried to scale it back we didn't go on a family holiday this year. I went on a City break with a friend and Dh is going with a couple of friends. Dd2 got to go on a camp which she loved.

I just would love to do stuff together as a family.

I do realise this is a first world problem but this is the last weekend before school runs etc all start up again.

My ds is a bit like this (he's 15) and I've been on a couple of trips where he's been a bit of a moany moaner and I vowed never to go anywhere with him again.

I got around it by shortening the trips. We went away in May half term for 5 nights. Last year we went for 8, Friday evening to Saturday and it was too long. This year it worked really well.

We went to my mum's for a long weekend in early August and we're going away for a long weekend in October half term. So he gets plenty of chill-out, xbox time, but we can also do things. And he can generally be bribed by the prospect of a decent breakfast bar as he's obsessed with his stomach.

However, in my book, 9 and 14 year olds do not get to refuse to go. They get to do what their parents tell them, within reason.

That’s al well and good running but it defeats the object if they complain all the time!

If Ds is happy to go to the dgps that's fine. The 14 yo should be told it's either dgps or go with you. No other option. It's not fair for the 18 year old to have the responsibility.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion.

So, you don't go. But neither does he get his playstation for the weekend.

I’d be making all but the 18 year old go. I’d be locking the house too so there as mess to come back to. Children don’t get to dictate the rules.
I think involvement in planning key and they need to learn to be considerate of the others needs and preferences.
Link weekend activities to schoolwork so it seems important. Add treats in -theatre to see a play they are studying, a match, snow dome.
It certainly didn’t impact on their social life and most of their friends had similar expectations around weekends away and holidays.
Children aren’t meant to do exactly what they eat - it’s why they have parents!

Yes Single I would agree with that but she will just get her friend to invite her for a sleepover.

There are very few rules in the friends house not sure there are any!

It’s their last weekend before school starts too. Bad timing, I think.

At 14 she should be trustworthy enough to leave at home unsupervised for the day. Any overnights she either 1- comes. 2- sleeps out (grandparents or friends).

Cherry in an ideal world I would agree with all of that but teenagers are born to rebel.

I do think if you go to Authoritarian you damage their ability to make their own decisions and advocate for themselves.

I think ideally there would be middle ground with give and take.

I am thinking this might be a Wifi free weekend

Napqueen she possibly should be but she isn't. At 14 she definitely still needs supervision for at least some of the day.

I’d have to disagree entirely. Allow them small rebellions. Mine are very capable of self advocacy and decision making because they came from a family that was absolutely clear about which decisions they could make at which age. This meant they were secure and felt safe to make decisions they had control of but also they didn’t have to make adult decisions too soon. I can’t think of any families in real life who don’t do this.

First rule of any holiday with children...if you want a holiday do what they want to do.....