Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

Would it be possible in future to book a weekend away for you and DP, somewhere very appealing to teens, and leave them at home - without asking first - with a grandparent or aunt/uncle staying over to supervise?

What would this achieve?

Leeds2 I like the way you think. I will consider some of your ideas.

In the meantime I need to stop Mumsnetting and get something work done.

Thanks for all the replies.

Would it be possible in future to book a weekend away for you and DP, somewhere very appealing to teens, and leave them at home - without asking first - with a grandparent or aunt/uncle staying over to supervise?

Thats more childish than the kids are being!

I wouldn't open a family holiday up for discussion, otherwise you may find yourself trying to accommodate different requests and someone feeling they haven't been listened to. You must know your kids, their likes and dislikes, so find a holiday that can appeal to them. A family holiday isn't just for the kids, and it isn't just for the adults, it's about doing things together. And never book a holiday in the last week or weekend of the summer hols, their heads are just not in the right place as they think about going back to school.

Why on earth did you cancel the booking? Your 9 year old could stay with his grandmother and the 14 year old could stay at home or with another family member.

Your kids sound like spoilt brats who don’t appreciate how lucky they are. I think they should be taken to volunteer at a food bank or similar for a reality check.

I would make this weekend at home as boring as possible. Definitely switch the wifi off, serve boring food up for meals, no lifts anywhere no friends over, plenty of jobs, early bedtime etc.

Then at some point sit down as a family and talk about the next family break. Hopefully you will come up with some ideas and compromises, where there won't be too much moaning!

What sort of things do you actually do on your weekend breaks? If it is all adult orientated then kids will get bored. There is also quite a big age gap between your two youngest children. Could the 14 year old take a friend and you spend time with DS? Or some of the time split up so DH does something with DS and you do something girly with DD?

When ours were similar ages (admittedly all boys) we went walking, cycling, sailing, visited castles, theme parks, water parks, steam trains etc. We went to London a few times too - loads to do there for everyone.

Even in a close family that get on well, its hardly unusual for children to want a different pattern of leisure activities as they get older . My DDs came on major family holidays until 18, trips to grandma or on some foreign city breaks, but they wouldn’t have wanted to go on frequent U.K. weekend breaks en famille from about 14 - they had too many other things they wanted to do when they weren't in school, even if that thing was just chilling at home.

A friend bought a cottage in the country for weekends, without it having been a major habit before ie only occasional family weekends away or rental cottages for a week. There were a few eyebrows raised amongst friends with older children because the ‘happy board game playing, hiking in the forest weekend’fantasy just didn’t happen. The children were 9, 12 and 14 - so two at secondary and getting their first explorations of independent life at weekends (ie meeting up with friends in town) or involved with sports teams or dance classes. The 14 year old ‘ran away’ ie got a bus and a train home, and turned up at a friends house, the 12 year old dribbled a hockey ball around the garden in a mournful manner ( should have been at a match) and the 9 year old fretted at the s l o w Internet though did enjoy the hiking.

It may have worked if they had done it from a much younger age, with the possibility of making local friends, or somewhere that wasn’t quite so isolated, but renting for a few months may also have been a way to test the water.

Involve 14 yr old to a point. 9 yr old has to suck it up. My 14 yr old moans(youngest child) but often has a much better time once there. Wouldn't leave 14 yr old with older 2.

A lot of people are being very harsh to say that the children are spoilt. The OP hasn't clarified what type of holiday she wants to take them on.

If it's church after art gallery after church (as my DH's holidays were as a child), and they've already done numerous weekend breaks like that this year, then it's no wonder they've had enough.

Surely there are places to visit that have a mixture of things to see/do? Some for the adults and some for the kids?

Last year we went to Spain. It was a good holiday but DD (12) complained the whole time we were away and didn't want to go this year either. I'm seeing this as an opportunity to save money so we will be able to afford a much more luxurious holiday further afield next year or the year after. I'm pretty sure she'll appreciate our next holiday.

Just ask them where they would like to go and let them help plan it.

My sister and I went on family holiday until our mid to late twenties... now our parents come on our holidays to help with the kids.

There was a difficult patch but we weren't really given a choice! We also went on a summer holiday to a villa somewhere in Europe every year and we took all our electronics and a few friends and/or boyfriends. My friends still want to go on holiday with my parents! Admittedly that requires a decent budget.

I have four children and now foster children too. I always involve them and give them a day each while we are away - ie on that day we go to the attraction they decide, eat where they want to eat and so on. It worked rather well.

If that was my kids they wouldn't be seeing hide nor hair of their playstations or friends this weekend.

Leave the 14 year old with the 16 and 18 year old. Take the 9 year old away, if the 9 YO refuses still then leave them with a grandparent and go and enjoy a couples break. Win, win, win, win, win, win situation.

Don't judge the OP for cancelling, she is not caving in - I wouldn't want to spend all that money to be huffed at by teenagers.

If the teens don't want to come on holiday make them stay and get paid work and pay a weekly keep to you of around £25.

How often are you making them go away for the weekend as a family?
If it is a regular occurrence ( monthly or so) I can see why they are fed up.

Let them bring a friend?

What are you doing while on holiday?? Sitting about? Lots of sightseeing? We let everyone (me, DH and DS1) pick a thing to do each holiday. Try and book somewhere with a pool and lots of stops for snacks and drinks!

What kind of weekends are you doing? Where do you go?
How often do you go away?

Perhaps they're just bored of being dragged around to places you and DH want to go

If the teens don't want to come on holiday make them stay and get paid work and pay a weekly keep to you of around £25
So the 16 and 18 yr old who are capable of staying home alone should be charged if they don't comply with family holidays? How does that work? and wht kind of job do you think the 14 yo can get?

Don’t punish your kids for not wanting to spend time with you, it’s the wrong tool.
If they are spending too much time on screens do they don’t wish to do anything else then you need to tackle than issue separately.

It’s concerning the impact online gaming and social media is having on children, and their ability/desire to spend time in the real world, going by the comments on this thread. :(
It’s really up to parents to strictly monitor/limit the time children spend online/gaming, though I know it’s a constant battle.

What an ungrateful bunch of kids you have OP.

I don’t understand these children who mean aboit going on holiday.

Although my two like going on holiday we do find they get bored once there so holidays were becoming a bit of a disappointment to me. This year we decided the only way they would really enjoy it is if we went with friends so we have done 3 short breaks with other people. It takes the pressure off us and stops them arguing but we did get family time together and it's been great fun.