Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

The op is saying they go away most weekends.

Did she? I can't see that.

The fact remains that none of her children want to go. That must tell her something.

Pffft, accepting strops and refusals from a NINE year old? Yeah, nope. The first time we had to cancel a weekend away because of their behaviour would be the same weekend the playstation got sent to the charity shop. Stop letting shitty electronics dictate CHILDREN.

Children push boundaries, they act out etc. You are the parent. Enforce consequences. Be the parent!

PieAndPumpkins but if Playstation is the childs hobby and interest surely that's rather mean to take it to a charity shop just because they didn't want to go to a random hotel to do who knows what (the OP still hasn't told us the weekend plans). My little family doesn't have much money so I am certainly not going to spend money on something my 10 year old has zero interest in. She has enough in life she 'has' to do (school, wash her hair...) so why force stuff she really doesn't want to do? It isn't her 'dictating' what we can and can't do - it's her growing up and developing her own interests. She would love to go to a gaming event. Me - not so. But I would force myself to go because I am her Mum and she is 10. The theory would be she would develop her interest and in a few years would be able to go to these types of events by herself and I would be able to do things I am interested in. That is family life to me. Developing her interests and helping her grow into the person she wants to be. That's my job. I am her mum. She won't be a child forever (it's going far too fast) so those few precious years I am not going to waste time and money doing things she would dislike in our free time.

We are getting closer to this stage in life too, two sons 17 & 15 at the moment they still want to come away with us, but we are fully expecting it to change soon. Shame they have to grow up!

I would tell them that they are either in the family or not - they don't get to pick and choose. So if they don't want to be in it for holidays then they won't be having things like phones etc paid for.

@bookmum08 Well I don't value elctronics as a worthwhile hobby, so it wouldn't be happening in my house, particuarly when it results in rude and obnoxious behaviour. There are literally thousands of hobbies that can actually be of benefit to a child and help them grow as a person. I don't think i'd be doing my pre teen/teenager any favours whatsoever by allowing them to sit shut up in a room with a stupid electron toy stuck to their hands and glossed over eyes in replacement of healthy, worthwhile family time out. Children don't always know what is good for them, it's my responsibility to help them. If that meant tearing away their electronic addiction in order to have a life outside of that little room, then i'd do it in a heartbeat.

Bloody hell, I'm so pleased I didn't have parents like this. I bet in my day you'd have been saying "Get your head out of that book and do something useful/get put into the fresh air".

Lol that's laughable @Bluelady. My oldest is a huge bookworm and academically advanced for his age, my youngest adores books and is becoming that way too - and already excelling at school for her young age, according to her teachers. They both embrace days out/walks/nature/national trust/different cultures and languages/history/travel/architecture/adventure/meals out etc etc. They're both growing up to be cultured, interesting human beings. They can hold a conversation beyond 'what do you like to play on the playstation', and I'll do my damndest to continue that. Sure they have their moments of 'we want to stay home and watch films', and that balance is totally okay too. So yeah, I think I'm doing okay so far thanks. Lets stop pretending all we should expect of children is electronics and soft play places.

Shouldn't even be up for discussion, sort them out before they control your whole life

Bit late for that.

Mine are 18, 17 and 12 they come on our family holiday.

PieAndPumpkins my daughter has other hobbies as well as a gaming. She loves dolls too - even though lots of people say that at 10 she is 'getting a bit old for that'. But would you have the same opinion of my point if the children's hobby was football or music or model building or drama or dance or gardening or making soap or swimming or going to Scouts or reading or creating comics or making bird houses or golf or researching birds eggs or train spotting or dog walking or or or..
The point was these children have developed interests and would like to spend some of their spare time doing these things. Not be dragged along for a weekend away where they can't do their interests. Why is that hard to understand?

I know exactly how OP feels. I have the same issue, with same aged children not wanting to go to our Dorset caravan.

Dh and I are currently debating what to do in the future about this.

And gaming doesn't always involve sitting alone in a dark room. The Gaming Expo my daughter would of enjoyed (but we couldn't afford this year) was a massive event in London. Why is going to an event like that = bad? I am hoping to go to a massive crafting event at Alexandra Palace soon. Would that be bad too. People who have a hobby meeting other people who have a hobby. Just like the Gaming Expo.
Oh and my daughter hated soft play.

For DS gaming is a social thing as well. He plays with friends most of the time.
When we go away as a family, he also misses those friends.

I feel very reassured by all the advice to involve the children in the planning. Growing up I didn't get any say, that I can remember (which hasn't done me any harm). However I only take my children to places that they want to go and was worried I was spoiling them. (They also look forward to duvet days as we do a lot!)

@bookmum08 In regards to the OP, she states the situation like it's become a habit, not a one off, or 'some' of their spare time. Swap my statement about staying home to watch films with playing on the playstation, if you like. It's fine as an occasional, but it's not okay, IMO for this to be the norm in, yes, dictating, all family time. The OP said her children now refuse to come, and WHEN she does make them go, they play up and act like brats. That's not a one off is it? That's a habitual trend set they have got into, every time the OP wants the family to go away. So yes, I understand perfectly, no need to be patronising.

As for the gaming event thing you mentioned, that's clearly not what the OP is posting about. She's talking about her child refusing to come on their trip because he wants to SIT AT HOME PLAYING THE PLAYSTATION. I'm sorry I triggered you though!

PieAndPumpkins what I meant though was if the child didn't want to go on the trip because they had arranged to meet some pals to spend the weekend playing football is that just as bad as the child arranging to play Playstation games with friends (on or offline gaming)? I only bought up the subject of gaming because that's what the OP said one of the children wanted to do.
I haven't been 'triggered' (whatever that means). The whole of my argument is basically as I parent in order to enjoy a holiday or day out I would make sure it is to somewhere my daughter would enjoy and have interest in. I have no desire to make her unhappy. If I want to do something she doesn't enjoy I don't take her. Simple.

I think my parents got the right balance.

They went off and did walking holidays on their own, and family holidays were more geared towards something everyone would like.

I do think I must have been quite easy going as a teenager though - I was more than happy to tag along with their plans as long as I had a book / audiobook / was fed nice meals!

And if the OP didn't want her children to develop an interest in gaming why did she buy her children a Playstation?

DS (24) joined us for half of our family holiday this year and DD (22) Skyped from the USA whinging that we'd gone away to have fun without her.

You just have to do stuff they will enjoy and try and make it a fun experience. Sometimes invite a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend. Go with another family with kids who yours like. Oh and definitely somewhere with wifi if it's more than a few days.

Ours mostly want to come. They get a choice once they are 16 or so.

but it is telling when none of the children want to go on the family "holiday". My money is the OP and her partner choice something like like and drag the children with them.

No one on here would let a partner dictate they should go on a "holiday" they would not enjoy why should teenagers be force too?

My children love the holidays we go as they have input I am not a democraticy or a tryant that says we will go on this holiday that i will enjoy and i dont care if you wont etc. I ask the children what they would like to do for a holiday and if it is reasonable we do it.

My DH and 3 of my children would be bored shitless at a poolside / seaside holiday, they like going to museums, castles and activity holidays. While the holidays i most enjoy is sitting around a poolside / on a beach and doing nothing at all. While only 1 of my 4 children would like this type of holiday the rest of the family would hate it.

So rather then drag them to a beach / hotel complex type holiday we do stuff that everyone can enjoy. Like going to Crete so much history there but also beaches and poolside that me and my oldest DD can lazy around but loads for DH and the others to go off on excursions while i would love for my family all to stay with me and DD doing what we would like for the whole holiday i would be VERY VERY VERY unreasonable to lay down the law and say to DH + my 3 children you will stay with me and DD for the majority of the holiday and if you are good and don't moan i will let you possibly go on one excursion / go around 1 castle / muesam. (Though if i tried that there would be a revoult and DH would most likely not back me up and he would say its his holiday too and he would want to do stuff he would enjoy while they would spend the odd day with us they would not be stayign with us every day)

@bookmum08 The whole of my argument is basically as I parent in order to enjoy a holiday or day out I would make sure it is to somewhere my daughter would enjoy and have interest in. I have no desire to make her unhappy. If I want to do something she doesn't enjoy I don't take her. Simple.

@worridmum basically your entire last paragraph

See to me your attitudes are exceptionally sad. Children who are selfish, entitled, demanding and disagreeable will grow up to be selfish, entitled, demanding and disagreeable adults - your spouse as an example worridmum?! I am teaching my children to find joy in the moment, wherever that may be and EVEN when the family day out isn't exactly down to the last detail of what they would choose to do. That seems so incredibly obvious to me. Of course as a family you aren't always going to agree on your personal preferences, but you're shooting yourself in the foot if you can't learn to suck it up, compromise, and find enjoyment anyway. I never said anywhere about wanting my children to be miserable. They're not. Sometimes they're a little reluctant, but they have been taught that there are times they might need to find enjoyment in the situation regardless of the destination. We're not ogre parents, we do what they want to do too, just not every time, and no one person dictates the outing every single visit or refuses to come. That is petulant and selfish. No wonder the world is full of so many selfish arseholes.

I'm with you, worrit. And I bet your kids will want to go on holiday with you for ever.