Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

I remember not wanting to go on family holidays from my mid teens. Generally these invoked camping or beaches, both of which bore me still. So I went to a drama summer school for two weeks and my younger sister took a friend with her wherever they were going. We had other trips together to visit relatives and these were non negotiable but I was pleased to see family and usually got some time off the leash as well to explore record and clothes shops. Parents need to be in charge but when none of your kids are happy to come on holiday, it is worth thinking about why that might be, and ensure there is everyone gets at least a bit of what they like.

And yes, worridmum, I also think you have it right. Considering others and finding good compromises is a positive model for your kids as well as making for happy holiday memories.

Exactly Kalinka. I said exactly the same way up thread. Great Aunt's 90th birthday shindig-a one off, non negotiable, suck it up attendance en famille.
There is little mileage in forcing a teen to be on holiday with you(when there are other, appropriate care options)when you know they REALLY don't want to be there.
I only wish my parents had been like yours. Thankfully, I was less bullish and dictatorial with my own children about such matters.

Sorry PieAndPumpkins but not wanting to make my child bored and miserable does not make her selfish. She is a little girl and there are things she simply would not enjoy as there are things I simply do not enjoy. I find what you said quite rude. I know what interests she has and things she likes - why would I waste time and money on something she doesn't want to do. Why? You get one go at being a child and I want to help develop her interests and have confidence and independence in doing those things so she will have a happy and fulfulling adult life. That does not make her selfish. It makes her a little girl whose family is taking care of her.

"You get one go at being a child". Best thing I've ever read on MN.

Infact PieAndPumpkins you have upset me quite a bit. We have had a few rough months and a lot of things I really would of wanted to do with my daughter this summer we haven't been able due to lack of money. I feel that I am letting her down quite a lot that I can't even afford the holidays of my childhood (a week in a Haven type caravan) and even having to say no to a day trip to Brighton because we couldn't afford. So don't you say I am creating a selfish child by using the small bits of spare money we have on doing something she would enjoy.

Please don't be upset. You quite obviously love her very much. And think hard about what will make her happy. You're doing all you can. If she turns out like you she won't go far wrong.

No as I already expressed, the very fact that your child (and so many many others it seems...) would be bored and miserable, is exactly the issue at hand. I was raised in a dictatorial, abusive, selfish household. I did not enjoy family holidays on the whole and was eager to stop going to them. I know what you're suggesting, and my own family experiences are a far cry from that, my children are not bored and miserable and I'd aim for that to never be the case. I'm merely suggesting there is a healthy middle ground where children don't get to split the family up based on their undeveloped tastes and attention spans.
That's the beauty of parenting I guess, I get to do things how I see as right for my family, aiming to raise rounded and considerate children into adults people actually enjoy being around!

I had boring miserable holidays as a child and as a result it took me 20 years to start having them again. Your attitude is really nasty, Pies.

Thank you Bluelady.
Although we never did find out from the OP what the weekend plan was. That has still got me curious.

It's not nasty at all. Bookmum tagged ME, then kept making it about her - read back, I just did to check I didn't attack her out of line. SHE kept making it about her daughter and her daughters inability to enjoy anything outside of her own hobbies. That is not realistic. That is not how life works. I expressed over and over again what I am teaching MY children, our priority to teach them NOT to be miserable when they don't get their own way. It's a ridiculous and laughable world where that is deemed nasty. Perhaps bookmum should stay off the internet if she can't handle anyone else's opinion without getting herself triggered and upset.

I rest my case.

I think I tagged you originally Pie because you seemed so anti playstation games (and fair play to your opinion on that) but I mentioned playstation games because the OP did. If she didn't want her children to have an interest in gaming she shouldn't have bought a playstation.
Anyway I have taken a deep breath and aren't feeling so upset. My daughter has some issues and struggles going on at the moment (un diagnosed ASD being one) so I am a bit protective of her.

I'm in the same boat. Watching with interest. Makes me SO cross that I have bred a spoiled brat!

I'm sorry you're having a rough time at the moment bookmum, I hope things work out for you soon.

I was left behind from 14 because I just didn’t want to go. I stayed with my DGM which was preferable to a weeks holiday in Spain with my DM- trust me .

Leave the 14 year old behind but the 9 yo doesn’t have a choice.

Thank you PieAndPumpkin.