Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

Our 15 year olds are happy to socialise with us, we like to have meals out together in interesting restaurants, cook together, we share a love of good food, that’s what our holidays are built around, exploring the local food scene - if they want McDs, they go by themselves (as they have done a few times on this holiday). They have yet to declare embarrassment at being seen with us. That doesn’t mean they don’t get stroppy, emotional and moany at times while we are travelling...they are 15, it’s their default setting!😂

We’re on holiday at the moment. We have our 19 year old with us. Our 25 year old and her boyfriend are coming out for a long weekend.

Ours have always come away with us, even to the less exciting places. They get quite cross when we arrange holidays without them. It’s free, we do nice things, we like each other, what’s not to enjoy?

If the OP was dragging children for repeated weekends doing battle re-enactment in the rain or Elvis weekends at Butlins fair enough, I’d not want to go either. A weekend in Valencia or the Lake District is lovely though and I don’t understand why they wouldn’t be required to join you (and have a lovely time).

My siblings and I are both in our 30s and we still holiday with parents other than with our own families. We threw strops like teenagers do but now that we are older we are glad we did many things with our parents and visited many countries, it is definitely not within my budget now. Also back then our parents were younger and able to spend quality time with us, now they are not as healthy. Teenagers are difficult and selfish but to let them do whatever they want is insanity.

Exactly some of the places my parents dragged me I would never have experienced.

I've never experienced some of the places my parents would have dragged me to. And I'm profoundly grateful for that.

CherryPavlova
If the OP was dragging children for repeated weekends doing battle re-enactment in the rain or Elvis weekends at Butlins fair enough, I’d not want to go either. A weekend in Valencia or the Lake District is lovely though and I don’t understand why they wouldn’t be required to join you (and have a lovely time).

I know some kids that would enjoy battle re-enactments, Elvis weekends and Butlins. and turn their noses up at Velencia and the lake district.

My point in this is that you get to a stage where the children have preferences and it should be taken in to account when booking your family holiday, otherwise its not a family holiday.

I really really want to know what the plans for this weekend were. The OP never told us. It's got me very curious as to what her idea of a happy family break is !

I've read the full thread, but I can't get my head around compelling/forcing teens to holiday en famille, when you know they really aren't feeling it and there are alternative, safe, care arrangements which could be made for them.

As a pp up thread said-one offs like Grandma's 90th birthday shindig-yes, put your face straight and suck it up.

I don't get this obsession with enforced family time/making memories. As kids get older they naturally (well some) move away from wanting to do things with you. If you force them to go and they don't snap out of it, and are sullen throughout (not necessarily rude or complaining but you KNOW they resent it like fuck and don't want to be there) but don't join in/do so half heartedly, then surely that is a hollow victory. Yes, you have imposed your will and showed them "It's not all about you", but at what cost.
I remember as a 12 year old, my parents took up an offer to go to the South of France in a trailer tent with my childless aunt and uncle. My younger sister was excited. We were relatively poor so holidays were very thin on the ground. Camping-and being in close proximity to others' was my idea of hell. I begged and pleaded to stay with my grandparents (whom I was close to and would have been glad to have me) They forced me to go. For three fucking weeks I sweltered on various beaches in my jeans (which I refused to remove!) and plugged into my walkman, speaking mostly when spoken to and utterly miserable. They tried to be breezy and get on with it but there was no doubt I put a dampener on that holiday.
It's wrong to punish emotions.
The cruise thread recently was illuminating. A 13 year old had been sick on previous cruises not wanting to go-"refusing" to go. The responses were fairly mixed, but there was a significant "She's 13, she does as you say, end of".
It's not always that simple. I know a family whom had to cancel their holiday. The 11 year old did not want to go, had said she did not want to go, was angry/upset in the run up about being 'made' to go. Had to be carried out of the taxi (I kid you not!) and was so overwrought and unable to be calmed down she was not allowed to board the flight. An extreme example but you push some kids into a corner at your own peril.

Why would you pay all that money to take a teenager to Berlin just to play on their phone when they can do it at home for nothing? Bloody lunacy.

Exactly, Blue Lady! You and I seem to be in the minority though!

Why would you pay all that money to take a teenager to Berlin just to play on their phone when they can do it at home for nothing? I agree that why I threaten to not take my dcs - we go to brilliant places, if they don’t appreciate it, they are not coming!

I have 3 children, 14, 11, and 7. We've just got back from a great holiday in France at a Euro camp type of place, where the children went to two clubs, made friends and we all enjoyed ourselves. We compromised and went to the beach, jumped of cliffs into rivers and spent one night in a city. Most of the time however, was spent around the pool. There are places that suit everyone, even the teenage moaners!

I haven't RTFT But imo 14 is DEFINITELY old enough to stay home for a weekend! It isn't as if you're gone for a week or 2. 14 imo is definitely old enough. So really, you only have the 9 year old to worry about.

Do you have anyone that can watch the kids, the younger ones? If it were me I'd be tempted to send them off to grandparents while you and DH spend the money on yourselves! Either that or save it for when they've left home, you might have enough to go around the world by then.

I suppose I'm at the other end, just getting used to the expense and bother of travelling with kids. I keep thinking I can't wait to be able to book a hotel room for two, somewhere exotic for the same price as a family holiday in wales!!

I have a 14 yr old and she would hate to be left home with her 17 yr old sister
. I have to stand between them at times so the thought of leaving them together !!

Haven't read the whole thread but I let my DS (14) stay at home this summer (not alone) as he doesn't like hot countries.
Next February we'll go ski-ing, as that's his thing.
I do feel a bit guilty that I didn't 'make' him come along though, as I think he would have enjoyed it once he got there.

I haven't RTFT But imo 14 is DEFINITELY old enough to stay home for a weekend!

I totally disagree, based on what I would have (and did) get up to at that age.

I have 4 children - similar to your children's ages. Youngest ds grumbled all the way through the last holiday. I will be laying down the law next time.

Personally I would only let our 18 year old stay at home. However we go on such infrequent holidays - once a year and they are tiny - all family can't wait to go including the eldest. Other than that is a day trip out once a week in the school holidays. But that is my family, not yours, and each family is completely different. We all find our own way.

Myself I would research and choose each holiday myself. But bear in mind what my children like. Once I asked and got the 4 answers: water slides / boats, famous places to visit, somewhere where we have access to decent food. What a range! Added to that mine and my husbands wishes of nice weather and a sunbathing space outside the place where we stay!!! I think as a family gets larger the range of desirable holidays gets smaller.

So when I plan the holiday - which I love doing - I bear this all in mind and then book it myself. It's me who is paying after all. I write all the things to do down and talk about the holiday on the build up. Then I get the kids to choose from my list (or something else we've noticed) during the holiday. That normally leaves time for dh and I to choose too.

I'm sure the OP does all of this and is getting a rough ride. However ... I remember being allowed to stay at home between 16 and 18 during a family holiday!! I know what I got up to!! Hence why I would prefer for this not to happen! And I know that I begged for this independence because I remember being dragged up a whole mountain at the age of 15 with my stingy dad refusing to buy even a drink for us. We had several of these long thirsty trips to see something that interested my dad but that I didn't understand or know the significance of!

So now I ensure that there is a good balance of what we all want. And thank goodness it doesn't occur to my children to stay at home.

We got round this for a couple of years by planning trips where the DS could continue something of interest. He was keen to ride his BMX and scooter, so we picked cities where he could do this. We would drop him off each day and pick him up later. It filled the gap between not being old enough to stay at home but not wanting to spend time with us (nor us with him moaning!) and gave us some really great grown up days together.

When I travelled with both DS's we would all research (good internet use!) the things we wanted to do or see in a certain city, then take turns in working through the list. Meant we all had to see things we might not want to, but on the positive we all also got to do the things we want.

@PrimalLass Neither I, my friends back then, nor anyone I know would have really got into trouble. If you're closer to drinking age, say 16 or 17, there is more risk than a 14 year old, because 14 year olds generally are not in that zone yet and not thinking like that. The 18 year old and 16 year old would prove to be more risky imo and experience.

14 was closer to drinking age than 17, when I was growing up.

Anyway it was a huge generalisation on both sides as every child is different. DS is just 13 and I can't see that in a year's time I would leave him for the weekend. He wouldn't get a choice about not coming with us, but we would tailor the holidays to something he enjoyed.

(and kids in his year have already been drinking)

I have two teens (16 and almost 14) and we only do family trips I know we all enjoy. They also have to do 3 trips a year back to my (boring) home country to hang out with family members there (mostly my parents who are in their 80s) and they do that with good grace, so any other trips we do are fairly teen-focussed.

I just spent a week trying to learn to surf as that is something THEY enjoy (and I like the fact we are all together doing an activity, being on a nice beach, and eating out every days and we all laugh about how crap we (me) are ).

I have for now shelved city trips (or what they call "looking at old buildings" and stuff like that) as they don't enjoy it. And the age they are now, I try and find stuff we all enjoy. Culture trips can wait, for the next few years I will be surfing I may one day become good at it!

The op is saying they go away most weekends. Even the least "spoilt" children would moan at that as weekends are the time most teenagers socialize.

And if the holidays are walking holidays i can see the problem, is it bad that i am imagining the OP is thinkong of places she and her partner would like to do not taking into account what the children want as she is the school of thought its my holiday i am the parent i say what we do.

Because that is the only way i see that ALL the children not wanting to go.