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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

217 replies

Stressedoverkids · 24/08/2018 09:34

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

OP posts:
BlitheringIdiots · 25/08/2018 08:25

Don't you do holidays you all would enjoy? We choose holidays where there is something for everyone and explain that at certain times it will be an activity the child won't enjoy but then the next day we've chosen something for him to do that doesn't necessarily appeal to us. We spend ages planning holidays in destinations that have a good mix.

EvaHarknessRose · 25/08/2018 08:25

I know this is not always possible, but the last few years we have booked cottages in the UK with a bedroom each for the dc. So much more harmonious. We spend a bit of time together each evening, eating and playing cards, but otherwise they retreat and do their own thing. We are happy for them to sleep in all morning unless there’s a planned activity, and they are happy if we go out for a walk or a coffee without them.

CauliflowerBalti · 25/08/2018 08:34

Hmmm. Don’t leave the 14-yo behind, do go away and do find ways to make weekends away fun for everyone. Can you afford to take a friend along occasionally?

My folks left me and my siblings alone every weekend while they went away. From age 14 I was looking after my younger sibling. It has caused a lot of damage to the family, in retrospect. A big part of it is us being made to feel like we spoiled our parents’ plans/got in the way of their lives/were a burden they couldn’t be bothered to entertain. Huge self-esteem issues. It’s lovely that you want family time. Punishing them for not wanting it rings bells for me.

Probably not relevant really as you aren’t planning on leaving the younger kids in the older kids’ care. But maybe consider cheaper breaks where they each get to alternate and take a friend.

Kidssendingmenuts · 25/08/2018 08:35

I'd be fuming too but would also go along the lines of tough shit kids your coming.
Maybe include them in plans on where they want to go? I know it sounds bad but can't you get one of those hand held mini play station things? Defeats the object I know of enjoying family time but if it makes one quiet then win win! X

KnotsInMay · 25/08/2018 08:41

Can’t Ds go to grandma and Dd stay with a friend, occasionally?

14 is such an important age for friendships, or rather friends are central to a 14 yo life. I would have hated to have been dragged to a country house hotel with my parents when I was 14 if my friends were having a get together. I used to stay at my best friends’ houses for the weekend and vice versa

bridgetreilly · 25/08/2018 08:55

I think probably you all have to make compromises.

Your compromise will be not going away as often and theirs will be going away sometimes. Look at how much you go away over the course of the year and work out what's reasonable, e.g. one proper holiday, one weekend a term at half-term. Make sure the DC know well in advance so that they aren't making other plans with their friends. But then if you want to do stuff together, you can also do that with just day trips and things that fit around their other plans. And it doesn't always have to be the whole family for it to be fun.

The reality is your kids are getting older and they won't just want to do whatever you tell them. You do need to recognise and accommodate this, and yes, make compromises about the travel you want to do. You'll have time to go away as often as you want once they've all grown up. Right now, being a parent means not getting to do what you want to do all the time.

SandraTheBee · 25/08/2018 08:57

why are you taking them places they don't want to go? What a waste of money. Fund somewhere you will all enjoy or take them places they want to go to.

All holidays I do are ones my children want to go on , if they don't want to go they say with their dad. I don't have much money, so we don't do anything lavish but I wouldn't be wasting my money dragging them somewhere they didn't want to go.

KnotsInMay · 25/08/2018 09:03

Replace the older two by taking a friend each for the younger two?

And go somewhere they would enjoy?

Ignoramusgiganticus · 25/08/2018 09:12

Can the grandparents move into your house for a few days? I'd go for this compromise if they compromise that they will come with you on another trip without moaning.

I hope the cancellation didn't cost you money. I wouldn't have cancelled in that case.

Rudgie47 · 25/08/2018 10:57

I personally would'nt be getting dictated to by little kids like this.
I'd say your coming and if they started creating/ moaning etc, then they would be getting nothing apart from the very basics for the rest of the year and I'd mean it.
So no birthdat presents/xmas presents, nice clothes and trainers. Just the bog standard basics.

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 11:14

They're not little kids; they're 14 and 9. And that kind of attitude is completely counter productive. Many parents would be delighted their kids didn't want to go any more, get grandparents to come and stay and have a weekend away alone. No idea why you're making it such a big deal, OP, or why so many pps are either.

picklepost · 25/08/2018 11:38

They have too much power and are generally spoilt. You need to be a lot meaner! Golly my kids can't wait for holidays, they even save towards them.

Impose limitations on PS time/phone use/other privileges

Get them taking responsibility for household chores

No privileges until responsibilities fulfilled

Give them turns at having a say in holiday eg. choice of destination (out of three), turn each at choosing activity

Consequences for moaning/complaining and generally spoiling holiday

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 11:53

That ship has sailed. It's way too late for that. Except perhaps with the youngest.

Lemontart25 · 25/08/2018 12:14

So, you don't go. But neither does he get his playstation for the weekend

I agree with this & no sleepovers or friends over for the 14 year old either. Otherwise they will continue to refuse knowing they get their own way eventually. At least this way they know they may win by not going away but they will not have much to stay home for!

SleepingStandingUp · 25/08/2018 12:15

Golly my kids can't wait for holidays
But it isn't a holiday. Op said they canceled the holiday so they could do more weekends. Probably based around Mum and Dads interests as the kids hate it. Doesn't sound like they get much time to just hang at home and play with their mates.
So yeah their fighting etc is bad behaviour but it sounds like a manifestation of utter boredom and frustration.

Isentthesignal · 25/08/2018 12:18

Forcing your kids to go on holiday and forcing them to have fun or you’ll punish them for a year - good luck with that style of parenting - there may be trouble ahead...

Everyoneiswingingit · 25/08/2018 12:29

Since when did forcing a child to go on a .......holiday become a bad thing? Are you suggesting parents don't have one then ? I'm sure they'd love to go child free but we don't all have that luxury of grandparents to look after them and 9 and 14 is too young to stay home.

ScarletAnemone · 25/08/2018 12:31

I wouldn't open a family holiday up for discussion, otherwise you may find yourself trying to accommodate different requests and someone feeling they haven't been listened to. You must know your kids, their likes and dislikes, so find a holiday that can appeal to them.

Totally disagree with this. Teenagers are going through massive changes and things they loved even a year or two ago may no longer hold any appeal. If you go on treating them like their younger selves you’re going to have a huge rebellion on your hands.

Oh wait, that’s what this thread is about.

Everyoneiswingingit · 25/08/2018 12:31

Why should grandparents(if they are lucky enough to have them) be shipped in to look after your stroppy, entitled kids ?

titchy · 25/08/2018 12:36

Go by yourselves but pack the router .... Wink

Everyoneiswingingit · 25/08/2018 12:37

I agree with Eva and we have done this too. Since eldest was 15 and we had an awfully cramped room for 4 at an all inclusive resort. Now we don't go anywhere unless they have their own bedroom and wifi. Just not worth it. We did a few UK city breaks with our 2 that involved sightseeing(open top bus tours) walking( not always popular), museums(short visits) and meals out. They always liked it but once eldest DD got to 16 she didn't always want to join us on all activities and that's fine and where the wifi comes in.

Everyoneiswingingit · 25/08/2018 12:38

Can you take a router???

LesLavandes · 25/08/2018 12:45

I'm a single mum now and my 15 year old decided he didn't want to go on holiday with me this year. (He was an entitled pain in arse last year...). I left him with his father and went on my own. Lonely sometimes but if I'm honest, the last few holidays with him have felt like I took 'a phone' on holiday and not my child!😂

Hoozz · 25/08/2018 12:53

First rule of any holiday with children...if you want a holiday do what they want to do
^^ this

OP you haven't said what the holiday is? Is it something they will enjoy? Do they want sport and action and you are taking them round museums?
Mine still come with us at 22/20. However, I don't just book a holiday. I ask everyone what they want, preferences for destination and type of holiday, then I do some research and come up with a shortlist. (I actually enjoy this).

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/08/2018 12:58

LannieDuck
A lot of people are being very harsh to say that the children are spoilt. The OP hasn't clarified what type of holiday she wants to take them on.

This ^^ all the way, at no point has the OP said what the holiday is other than its a hotel.

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