Kids refusing to go on weekend breaks and holidays!!

[Stressedoverkids]

We have 4 Dc and me and Dh love to travel have weekends away etc

Dd1 is 18 and no longer wants to go - fair enough she can stay home alone.

Ds1 is 16 - he can stay at home with Dd1.

However now the younger two are also refusing to go and when we make them go they complain and fight the whole time and ruin it for everyone.

AIBU to be really upset and frustrated by this!

I really don't want to spend the next ten years unable to do what I want because of two ungrateful children.

Ds doesn't want to leave his playstaion. Dd doesn't want to leave her friends and is bored with just Ds.

I have just cancelled this weekends hotel booking and I am not happy!

Could the younger 2 bring a friend each with them?

By mid teens they are starting to grow up and have their own social lives. You might need to alter the balance of how much you travel. We have had weekends away curtailed by the fact that DH has got a Saturday job and although we could leave her, we don’t want to because we like being with her when she can squeeze us into her social calendar.
I think you have to adjust to them growing up.

I do think if you go to Authoritarian you damage their ability to make their own decisions and advocate for themselves.

Oh for goodness sake!

And they're not being 'authoritarian' by refusing to go and you caving and cancelling?

You can't have a family holiday either?

They have too much control. Take it back.

I do think if you go to Authoritarian you damage their ability to make their own decisions and advocate for themselves.

Look where that has got you.

Every child is different, but not making my eldest come away with us turned out disastrously for us. She gradually withdrew from all aspects of family life, first the short breaks, then the holidays, then days out/ family meals/ visiting relatives. She was obsessed with social media and couldn't bear to be apart from her phone, becoming more introverted. Now she advises me not to allow the younger ones to start down that route as she recognises she wasn't ready to make those decisions and when we gave her that autonomy too young (13) is where it all started to go wrong. Yes they need their friends and their independence but family time is so, so important at that age. And I find being away from home you often spend more time together as a family than you do "chilling" at home (which often means everyone on their devices in different rooms if the kids have their way)

It's a tricky one. We have three DC and over the years it's gone from them wanting to go everywhere with is to hardly anywhere. We live by the coast with some gorgeous beaches but now when we want a day at the beach it's often just the two of us as nobody else wants to come (it's boring apparently).

Felt a bit deflated to start with but now we're enjoying the freedom and time on our own

Actual holidays only appeal to the DC if it's somewhere like Disney or a resort with a waterpark. They aren't interested in looking around cities or historical sites with us, so last holiday we stayed at a huge resort with a waterpark, left the eldest in charge of his siblings and had a couple of days out on our own - it was bliss!

We do still have time together as a family, but you do have to adapt to their changing needs as they get older or they'll just spend the time moaning. I do also agree that it's fine for them to have 'lazy time' in the holidays. School terms are pretty full on.

In terms of the AIBU of course YANBU. I think loads of families have the same issue. My DD 16 is a nightmare no matter how much input she has on choosing and how much of any break we spend pandering to her preferences so I wish I had a good answer.

I have boys aged 22 and 21 and our problems only really started once they left home and didn’t come with us anymore. When all 3 were at home they all came and had each other as company. Could you rope the 18 and 16 year olds in and see if that improves matters with the small ones?

I'd enroll the oldest's help. They encourage the younger to go or stay at home babysitting them.

My two are the complete opposite and love coming everywhere with us .

We've booked separate rooms for our next holiday, now they are older, so DH and I can have some time together , Dh can get in the bathroom and he can sleep on a proper bed instead of the DDs hogging the double kingsizes and DH being on the campbed (when he spent £££ to pay for the holiday).

Where do you want to go on holiday and they don’t want to go? Our DT’s are 20 and now at Uni. They have been away with us for two weeks this summer as we chose a place we all wanted to go to. They have also been away with friends and DS is going skiing with DH in the New Year. It will be the first year DD hasn’t wanted to go with them but she and I are going on a spa weekend with my friend and her daughter.

I would never have canceled a holiday because of rebellious DC’s. They go where they are told to go but we haven’t had any issues as they have been involved in the decisions.

Put the 9yo in kennels.
Install sensible adult to house sit your bedroom with right to roam throughout the house to -monitor- support remaining resident teens.

OK, maybe keep 9yo home if sensible adult amenable to responsibilities. But why not have said yngstr go to friends/adventure hols when they get to 10yo.

Abscond...pack up your kit & go where you want to go with DH.
Start with small & local overnight forrays, increase frequency, distance & length of stay away. Work your way up to using passports & visas.

Make sure to send postcards (refer to C20th archives if you unfamiliar with this artefact) home at every possibility - ‘we’re having a f@#£&ing fantastic time, hope weather fair where you are’ etc.

Anticipate yr kids will be asking to go away with you...then negotiate, if you want to have them with you on trips.

Bloody hell. How entitled these children are!!

They are stopping YOU to go away on hols because they just want to do whatevervTHEY want wo any regard for anyone else?
What about been grateful that their parents can pay for those hols instead?

Mines would be made to go tbh.

My parents (very wisely) allowed me to opt out of family holidays when I was about 12. My gran stayed with me in our house. It was bliss - for everyone.

HermioneGoesBackHome I couldn't agree more. I think they are spoilt entitled brats.

I don't think I am going to make them go but I am going to start saying No to a lot more stuff.

Me and Dh come from very deprived backgrounds and it would appear that darling Dc need to experience a little deprivation (I am thinking wifi etc).

id leave the 14 year old -i had to go on holidays till i was about 14 there wasnt a discussion we just went

why do u just cave and cancel?

Book holiday cottages rather than hotels and take the PlayStation. That's what we do.

Your kids are dictating when and where you go on holiday?
Wtaf?
Mine are 16 and 13 and they come on hols with me end of. We do a mix of things for everyone plus chilling out. 16yr old is of course obsessed with his online gaming but he actually is a different person on hols and enjoys himself.

Other day trips he doesnt want to go (and its reasonable why he wont enjoy it) he stays at home not a prob (once in a while i insist he comes i.e. to visit relatives if he didnt go last time)

No way would i be allowing them to dictate to me where we go on holiday nor cancelling it because of them. They are kids i am thier parent. My house my rules. Why are your kids ruling yours?

Why not just leave the 14yo home with her older siblings? If my older brother and sister got to opt out I can't imagine wanting to go on holiday with my parents and a 9yo!

If the older two are willing to watch the 14 year old just leave her at home. How much supervision does a 14 year old really need? 9 year old goes to GP's house and you get your holiday. I don't understand all the fuss.

Dh thinks we take the wrong attitude and when Dd says she isn't going we should say well Ds that a lot more money to spend on you, what do you want to do.

However Dd has a very strange personality and very low self esteem. I don't know that it's fair to do that.

Where on earth were you planning to take them??

What are you doing on these holidays and weekends away? Do you choose the activities/places to go simply by what you adults want to do or do you actually look for things that your children will find interesting and fun? For the playstation fan there was a computer gaming event recently in London. Did you consider having a weekend in London so he could go to that and while you were there do a couple of tourist things that the children would enjoy? Or is it all about you and your interests?

However Dd has a very strange personality and very low self esteem. I don't know that it's fair to do that.

You're making things difficult for yourself

"Refusing to go" ... ffs. They're 14 and 9. They don't get to refuse. They get to moan along the way. Be an adult and a parent.

Don't set the children up to compete against each other FFS! Is this for real?

No, children don't want to go away with their parents when there is more interesting stuff to do at home. Especially not their last weekend before school.