DD forbidden to attend family party.

[sunshineandsnow]

18 months ago, DD had a birthday sleepover for her school friends and didn't invite her younger cousin.

We then got to DN birthday, and there was the regular annual massive family party that we weren't invited to, and found out about from Facebook. When I confronted everyone they stopped speaking to me and it all got very nasty.

So we got to DDs birthday this year and I didn't invite DN again - she just had a small meal out this year. I had the whole day destroyed with endless messages slagging me off.

There has been no communication with my sister since then, and minimal with other relatives. Everyone hates me for being unreasonable.

Tomorrow is DNs birthday again. Without anyone realising, DD is staying at our parents for the weekend (as I have maintained contact this way every so often, as the cousins love each other and enjoy each other's company). DD has just been informed that she is to stay home for the duration of the party, and is not allowed to attend.

DD and DN are now texting each other, confused as to why DD is not allowed (DN thinking I was not allowing it).

DD needs to stay this weekend for childcare reasons - AIBU to tell DM she is to grow some balls and stop taking sides? AIBU to think DD should be allowed to go?

Hopefully this links to my old thread but it looks a bit odd...
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">ii<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">being<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="blank">unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/amm<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">i<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">beingg<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me

DD has just been informed that she is to stay home for the duration of the party, and is not allowed to attend.

Stay home with whom? Or is she old enough to be left at home alone, and would she want to be left alone not at her home?

Can DN not kick up a fuss? How old are they?

How old
(And the link doesn't work)

The link doesn't work to your other thread. I'm sorry I can't give you any advice but I really don't understand what's going on. Isn't this something you should be sorting out as adults and leaving the girls out of It?

I wouldn't accept this. If she can stay at home by herself for the duration of the party why can't she stay at home at yours?

If she was mine she wouldn't be staying there again, to exclude her is cruel.

if the cousins love each other and enjoy each other's company, why not just arrange some kid of birthday do and invite the DN? doesn't matter if it's not the same time as the one with her school friends

Why did you not invite your niece? Cant see other thread

Link works for me.
Your family sound nuts. Have you tried speaking to your sister rationally?

No advice to offer, but just wanted to say, hey, it's my birthday tomorrow too!

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me

I remember you other thread I can't believe your sister is still behaving like this.

Can you go and get your DD and have a nice day out.

Your mum is never going to go against your sister.

DD is old enough to stay alone. DD is 12 and DN 10.

I've tried speaking to them all rationally to sort it out but as far as they are concerned, I caused it by having the sleepover and that can never be rectified.

DN wasn't invited as she was so much more immature than the other girls, had never had a sleepover, and it just wouldn't haven worked.

DN isn't allowed here.

Happy birthday hilarious!

Ffs. Why is everyone acting like a bunch of kids. Don’t get the girls involved. Families ridiculous. Sort it out between you. It might be someone has to say sorry to keep the peace and it might be you.

That's so ridiculous. The adults need to grow up. After the sleepover thing, you should have invited DN to the meal if you wanted peace in the family.

Your family sounds like a total fucking nightmare. You're better off being rid of them.

The meal was just her two best mates. I did try to suggest arranging something for DN but there was too many rows by then. I have apologised. I have tried every way to sort this out.

Whilst the cousins get along great, that year or two makes such a difference at that age when it comes to friends groups. They just don't mix. DN is very very immature.

If DN is very very immature, why are you trying to force your DD into attendance at her birthday party this weekend? You all sound like a nightmare tbh.

18 months ago DN would have been 8 and DD 10. I agree that she would not have fitted in at the sleepover and your sister is being a prize pratt.

Weird world we live in if family have to be invited in every social event with friends. Your sister sounds batshit.

The ones who enable your sister sound weak as anything.

Stop apologising. Your sister is a bully as is the rest of your family. You had nothing to apologise for and you make it look like you do by doing it still.

Aside from stress, what do they bring to your life? Anxiety? A feeling of being second best?

Your daughter will feel that way given time. Your sister is already taking it out on her too. Does she deserve this? Do you?

She is a brat, no?

Personally, I would have invited DN for a separate birthday sleepover in the first place (can totally understand why you didn't want to host a 10-year-old with 12-years-olds she didn't know), but it's too late for that now.

Can you invite DN to something just with the two girls?

It is so sad that they like each other, but adult idiocies have separated them.

I would look for alternative childcare from now on.