DD forbidden to attend family party.

[sunshineandsnow]

18 months ago, DD had a birthday sleepover for her school friends and didn't invite her younger cousin.

We then got to DN birthday, and there was the regular annual massive family party that we weren't invited to, and found out about from Facebook. When I confronted everyone they stopped speaking to me and it all got very nasty.

So we got to DDs birthday this year and I didn't invite DN again - she just had a small meal out this year. I had the whole day destroyed with endless messages slagging me off.

There has been no communication with my sister since then, and minimal with other relatives. Everyone hates me for being unreasonable.

Tomorrow is DNs birthday again. Without anyone realising, DD is staying at our parents for the weekend (as I have maintained contact this way every so often, as the cousins love each other and enjoy each other's company). DD has just been informed that she is to stay home for the duration of the party, and is not allowed to attend.

DD and DN are now texting each other, confused as to why DD is not allowed (DN thinking I was not allowing it).

DD needs to stay this weekend for childcare reasons - AIBU to tell DM she is to grow some balls and stop taking sides? AIBU to think DD should be allowed to go?

Hopefully this links to my old thread but it looks a bit odd...
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">ii<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">being<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="blank">unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/amm<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">i<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">beingg<a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-mewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me" target="_blank">unreasonable/3198050-my-family-won-t-speak-to-me

Why on earth would you care what they think? Let them think that you ruined the party. They are bullies. And you are allowing them to bully your daughter.

Who does that to a 12 year old girl, just to point score against her mother?

Exactly! It is just spiteful.

I'm confused about the ages op, on your first thread you said your dd was in y7 and dn was in primary and that was 18 months ago, but now you are saying your dd is 12 and do 10 so the same ages as 18 months ago?

Stop interacting with them. You are dealing with idiots and bullies. Step away from the lot of them.

And block the idiots sending those messages. Why are you punishing yourself by listening to them and expecting them to listen to you?

Your family sound like utter cunts.

You all sound completely ridiculous - even though we are only getting your side of the story, tbh you aren't coming over well either.

I'd be keeping my DD at home and cutting off contact with the whole spiteful lot of them, grandparents included. What does your husband/partner think of how his in-laws are treating his child?

Tomorrow is DNs birthday again. Without anyone realising, DD is staying at our parents for the weekend

Sorry to ask, but - surely you KNEW it was DN's birthday when you arranged for your DD to stay for the weekend? As it is an annual event. Aren't you just stirring up trouble? That's not fair on the cousins!

Why are you sending her somewhere for childcare reasons when she's going to be left on her own for this whole day party?

You may as well keep her home if that's the case.

I am horrified that your DP's would even consider leaving your DD home alone while they attend the party.
Your poor DD needs to be kept away from the hostility. I would be cutting contact with the lot of them

You sister is a complete bitch and your mother not much better.

I would message
"This started 18 months and needs to finish. Dd has friend parties than dn is not invited to AND dn has friend parties that dd is not invited to. The only difference is that I do not do a family party as well. This is madness but what is happening this weekend is utterly vile and cruel. Ds can fuck herself I don't want anything to do with her but you need to choose, not sides between us, but choose whether you are going to be part of my daughter being treated like shit, if you are then we are done too"

You sound like you would be well rid of the lot of them

you need to choose, not sides between us, but choose whether you are going to be part of my daughter being treated like shit, if you are then we are done too"

this

nobody should be able to treat your dd so badly, you should put a stop to that

Look you didn't invite niece. She didn't invite your dd and you complained. Why?
Then you didn't invite dn again. Stop this rubbish. One of ye is as bad as the other. Why are you making an issue of this when your dsis is not allowed to make an issue of it? God help your dm. She should bang your two heads together.
You may have set this up just to keep the row going.
Ye are both a disgrace.

Look you didn't invite niece

It's been explained a few times!!

Annual all family event for DN plus DN has a school friends party (excluding DD)

DD has one party for her friends (excluding DN)

DD has now been excluded from the family party! For the second year running, even though GPS agreed she could stay the weekend knowing it was DN annual family bash

DD has never had a family party thrown by her GPS

I remember your original thread about the sleepover. I'm sorry your sister is still being such a dick. If your daughter is happy to be there for the weekend regardless and has friends she can hang with then I'd suggest that neither of you engage with this rubbish; she can do her own thing and the party need not be mentioned. Frankly it sounds like you're all dodging some bullets by being excluded in this way

The problem is DD has not been forbidden, she has not been invited. You had friends only party and your sister has specific family which now does not include you and your family. The message is pretty clear and after the previous party should not of come as a surprise. Your parents have handled it very badly but your sister is being very clear.

You sister is a complete bitch and your mother not much better.

I agree. At this point I'd give up on your sister. She is batshit crazy and if she wasn't stropping over this non-event, she'd have found some other piece of drama. I would call my mother though and tell her you are astonished that she is willing to collude with your sister to exclude a 12 year old and that you don't think much of her at all.

Your dd sounds as if she is handling it ok though.

You had friends only party and your sister has specific family which now does not include you and your family.

you say that as if there is some sort of equivalence between the 2 things. If a kid invites school friends over and not invite her cousin and any normal person would think it is ok. Inviting the entire family except a 12 year old would not be thought of as ok.

The sister is a member of the perpetually looking for deep offense brigade. even if you make up with her OP, she'll go off again on something.

Your mum is awful

Honestly, knowing the issue with the sleepover, and wanting to maintain a friendship between DD and DN, I would have either invited DN to the meal this year or arranged something she could have been part of.

Yes, DN has a friends party and a family party, and DD should be invited to the family party. Its mean of your sister and your mother to do this. But DN is repeatedly not being given the opportunity to celebrate with your daughter because you choose not to do anything with family. So she is also being excluded for being younger and family rather than friend. If they get on so well, would it have been so bad to arrange a movie party or something that they all could have enjoyed, just to make the point of including her? Or have a family tea party so that both girls had the same? I would imagine your sister had a very upset little girl not understanding why she can't attend her cousins party, which would make anyone annoyed. And then you did the same again this year rather than trying for a truce.

green tulip - thank you

pallisers - very true

You don't happen to be the older sister do you? If so, I wonder if this is more about your relationship as you both grew up. Do you think your sister ever felt left out when you had your own friends?

It sounds like she's punishing you through your Dd.

DDs parties have only ever been a couple of mates, both sleepover and the meal.

It's not really comparable to DN. she has whole year parties that DD has never thought to moan about not being invited to. And then the whole family party.

Tomorrow is also an Aunt's birthday, who now for two years we haven't been able to see.

I tried to peace keep by arranging separate events but DSis does not want DN here and hasn't spoken to me since the sleepover (except to go batshit). Previous to this, I have taken DN on many many family days out, which we never even thought abut when DSis didn't reciprocate.

I've also continued to buy everyone gifts since the whole affair, none of which have been reciprocated or sent thanks for.

I don’t know how people have the energy for this nonsense.
What is you dd going to do while her grandparents etc go to this “family” gathering? Surely your niece knows what’s going on, and if so why doesn’t she just say I want my cousin at my party?
The words petty and ridiculous spring to mind about your family.

No way would I be engaging with any of them. Cut them off. Do something with your dd on your own. No dramas. Who has time for any of this nonsense?!