I started this thread giving a full background but it would take an hour to read! So trying to keep it simple, got on well with ex, a few arguments but nothing that was never sorted. Had a discussion with ex on Friday whilst picking son up, he got quickly defensive so my hubby stepped in calmly and I shut up to not escalate things, his wife came out (36 weeks pregnant) and started shouting -
basically they were waiting to eat their tea and as I had expected ex to bring DS (aged 14) home I didn't rush to collect him, told them he's not a vulture and that they can eat while he is there and she's going to struggle when she has her baby if she won't eat with a child present! She said about how they need 'their' time. She commented 'call yourself parents' because DS hadn't had his tea yet at 8,45pm but he'd actually had snacks at 5.30pm to last him til after kick boxing with his Dad and I brought pizza in the car. This incensed me as she has no kids yet and DH has been more of a Dad than his biological Dad! I got out of the car from where I was sat and said immediately 'Im not coming to be physical etc. I know you are pregnant but how dare you say that'(BTW I am never physical but wanted to be clear I wasn't a threat) and I stayed at least 5 metres away from her with my ex in the middle of us. She brought up the past (of which she wasn't even with him so obviously has a one sided view) and she has this idea that ex fought to see his son and I didn't let him see him. DH reiterated my points that he saw him more and he was in the army! We had to push for him to see his son. She also complained about me calling my DS on a morning when he sleeps over because I naturally ask him what he is doing that day (you see he came out of my vagina so I have this attachment that makes me want to know where he is and how he is each day!!), she seems to see this as an infringement of her privacy?! She then said something about how I had left my ex and you 'reap what you sow' (does that mean because I left my ex that I am being punished by hurting my son???)! I said its clear that she wished my son didn't exist as she wants to compartmentalise him. Other things were said too but I think I've covered the main issues!
They went in and we drove off (everything about me wanted to keep shouting to them from outside their house but knew that would be a bad idea!). Left it over the weekend and DH said he would try and speak with ex on his own over a coffee as we think wife is pulling the strings and giving ex it in the neck.
Fast forward to today, no communication then find he has blocked our numbers. We were previously quite close with ex. He sent a message to DH saying we had no right to speak to wife like that (She escalated it!!!) and he will continue his twice weekly taking DS for tea and they will arrange it with him not us.
I'm not having that! I need to be able to contact him in case of emergencies as DS is rubbish with his phone. Plus 101 other reasons - discuss sons behaviour, the learning needs assessment I am getting done etc. just general parent conversations!
You wouldn't think just a few weeks ago this man walked in my house with DS and pizza, ate it and then handed my husband the rubbish in a jokey way! He was like an Uncle popping in, friendly and good with our DD aged 4.
As ex has gone nc, so I decided to try and speak with his wife knowing she is pulling the strings and hoping we could smooth things over, we are both teachers in secondary schools so I presumed we could talk civil. I went to their house and managed to see her collecting a parcel off the postman as I approached, I literally said "Can we have a civil conversation please" and she said "no, I don't want to see you, you need to leave or I am calling the police!" WTAF!
I spoke through the letterbox calmly explaining that we needed to sort this before DS birthday in 3 days and the new baby coming in just 3 weeks, I said please, I RECORDED the whole thing (not faces just pointing at floor) so I can't be accused of threatening behaviour. I left and pulled up around the corner, sent a message saying I was 'pleading with her' to sort this and her parents pulled up and her father said he was ex police(so what?!) and that I needed to stop harassing her, I lost my temper at his discreet threat but maintained I just wanted to talk, would do with them present and they said it was nothing to do with her(!)...I told them she is pulling the strings and that we always got along in the past, they scoffed (obviosuly must know some one sided story I don't) and drove off! I gave it 5 minutes and went back again so they could see I am open to talking even if I am outnumbered. No answer.
Ex messaged DS over xbox messenger that something had happened and he couldn't come for him tonight. Dramatic much? He didn't say they were at the hospital but I'm sure he wants me to believe either that or something cryptic like reporting me to the police etc. He says if its sorted he will see him Friday as planned to take him for tea for his Saturday birthday. We messaged back asking how we can sort this out if he wont talk. He just wont engage.
We are left to pick up the pieces again, DH has taken DS to the cinema.
I've applied to mediation but I'm not sure they will take part as she clearly wants her own family unit. I've also applied now for proper child maintenance, never received any until DS was 10, set it up at half the child maintenance calculator amount as didnt want to cause them financial problems but they've made it clear now that their life is not my business so I don't need to worry about that do I? Feel a bit rubbish as their baby is due soon and going to hit them financially, but as everyone keeps telling me - that's not my problem and he's got off lightly for years.
So, are they being unreasonable with this refusal to talk and sort things out? We've never had such a terrible relationship, the difference now is the new wife! What would you do next??? I want him to see his son but he won;t fight for him so if I say we need to sort this first, he will use that as an excuse to not keep up contact!