Would you ever disown your child?

[sunshineandrose]

I'm talking when they are an adult? I don't want to write my person circumstances online so thought I'd go for a generic question. Thank you

No. Absolutely never. The only thing that would truest make things difficult would be my child disowning me but I would never disown them. I will be here for them no matter what terrible choices they make.

No, I always say if my child murders someone I’ll help them hide the body. That’s a joke, though! I would never ever ever disown them, though.

I think there are a number of things which might make me walk away from my child.

If the liked

In most circumstances no, if they'd committed heinous offences against someone possibly, especially with no remorse or desire for change

You can love someone and deeply disagree with things they have done. I don’t criticise anyone for standing by their child in the face of awful things. Standing by someone doesn’t mean you approve of them.

I don’t know what you mean by disown but having no contact may be essential in some cases. For example, some substance misusers at some points in their lives will not hesitate to take advantage of their relatives and even put them at risk of harm. Sadly this is what addiction does to people. Cutting contact on a temporary or permanent basis does not make you a bad person or a failure.

Sorry posted too soon.

If they killed someone.

If they abused or harmed a child.

It they were a drug/alcohol addict who I couldn't trust to have around.

Been disowned, so having experienced, no I wouldn't disown my child over anything. You can probably guess who I think is to blame by my "nom de guerre" .

Possibly. I’m not sure I could stay in contact with a child who was a rapist, child abuser, murderer etc.

Thankfully I’ve not had to make the decision though so I don’t know for sure.

Yes, I think I would, if she turned out to be someone who was just plain nasty, like if she was one of those people caught on camera abusing the elderly or something. Not if she killed someone - I'd assume there were reasons for that, even if they weren't acceptable.

Possibly. If they had done something so abhorrent I couldn’t bear to be near them and they had no wish to change or regret their actions.

It would have to be wanton mindful cruelty. It would have to be very bad.

I don’t have kids yet so this is theoretical for me but I think I would if they did something awful to one of my other kids or to DH (I.e. murdered / tried to murder) without an acceptable reason (e.g. mental illness / abuse etc).

I would also stop contact with them if they were an addict, were not trying to get clean and were acting in a way that was harmful for the rest of the family. I’d get back in contact if they asked for help to get clean though.

No, I don't think I would. I can imagine keeping contact quite boundaries if there were things about them I struggled to manage. I would still feel a responsibility for my dc I think, even if they had done something terrible.

Boundaries = boundaried

No I don't think I could ever disown them.

Even if they are guilty of something horrific they would still be my child, I would be tortured by where it all went wrong and I missed it.

I think there are some circumstances I could walk away from an adult child.

I wouldn’t if they were a minor

I can’t imagine a circumstance where I would.

Only in the most extreme circumstances. Hard to say until you’ve reached that point though!

And there’s disowning and disowning. I know parents who have refused to give their children anymore money or refused to have them live with them anymore. But they still wouldn’t ignore them if they saw them in the street or something.

Feeling like I'm being judge! In my case Mother and Father disowned me because I wouldn't do what they insisted was right for me - who to marry, when to marry, whether to have kids or not, how I should spend MY money, ETC They threatened to disown and when I still made all my own decisions they followed through with the threat fully expecting as they said "for him to crawling back out of the sewer and beg their forgiveness to get some of the family cash". Instead went and made my own way. They pulled it with one DS too so out of 4 kids, two independent and disowned and two do whatever they are told when they are told to!

If they turned out like Ian Huntley then yes I would.

By disown I mean not visit them in prison and never have contact when they are released.

The family of that man Richard Huckle who went to Cambodia and raped lots of children have totally disowned him. And I can understand that.

Never. I'm a firm believer in nurture rather than nature. Whatever my child becomes would be a product of how I have raised them. Even if they did someting truly terrible, I could never turn my back on them.

Yes.

Not easily but I could.

Rape, murder etc.

If they stole from me to fund a drug habit (for example), no. I'd be desperately sad that they needed to and would spend my life helping them.