Would you ever disown your child?

[sunshineandrose]

I'm talking when they are an adult? I don't want to write my person circumstances online so thought I'd go for a generic question. Thank you

Yes, he's still his parents' flesh and blood but so were those little girls.

Aeriol Castro's mother disowned him...after kidnapping (as well as raping) 3 women and keeping them hostage for 10 years till they escaped. She said she wished he'd never been born or died soon after.

I would disown under similar circumstances.

You disown your child you're committing a heinous crime. Your responsibility towards your offspring never ceases.

They didn't ask to be fuckin born. You foisted their existence on them.

You disown your child you're committing a heinous crime. Your responsibility towards your offspring never ceases.

Yes it does.

They didn't ask to be fuckin born. You foisted their existence on them.

But if I didn't turn them into a rapist, murderer or paedophile and that's what they are, then yes, I will disown them.

Totally agree with what Storm4Star says about taking time out to decide what your response should be.

Fwiw, I do think there are circumstances where disowning is the right thing to do. You are not responsible for your adult child's actions. Yes, upbringing is a factor, but so are many other things. How many people here would say that their own choices in life have all been wholly determined by their upbringing? That would be a world without free will.

People might disown a child - at least temporarily - for many reasons, some more worthy than others:

• to demonstrate to an unremorseful criminal that their actions have been unacceptable and should cause remorse (an extension of 'consequences' parenting of kids)

• because they cannot emotionally bear to have contact with a person who has done something that appals them

• to protect other people in their family or circle

• to avoid enabling an addict

• because they want to disassociate themselves from a criminal and demonstrate to society that they are acceptable people, even if their child is not

• as a way of bullying a child by an overcontrolling parent

And there are many reasons why parents don't disown criminals, also some more worthy than others:

• to give the criminal a source of stability and acceptance when they might otherwise feel they have nothing to lose and sink even lower

• because they are emotionally unable to cut ties

• because they deny and/or minimise the crime and want everyone to pretend things are fine so that they don't have to deal with it

I'm sure there are also plenty of factors I haven't thought of.

This is not a straightforward decision and it's not one you should feel you have to make immediately or permanently.

My dad disowned me. Took me to court too. Loooong story, and I did nothing wrong (seriously, I didn't! I'm not just saying that because it's me saying it!) not seen or spoken to him since 2004

Only under extreme circumstances. I could disown my DC if they murdered unless in self defence, I have read lots of cases of vicious murders, stabbing, raping, hiding the body for days on the family.

There was a young girl missing for days, beaten to death by two boys, the parents hugging their DC in court. I could not and would not. Some DC turn out evil even from stable loving homes, most with mothers who love them.

If your son or daughter has committed an awful crime such as murder, murder by terrorism or sex offences against children, you arnt going to have the luxury of basking them in your eternal motherly love.
Your life would be made a misery by the endless amounts of people who find the crimes your adult kids have committed as completely unforgivable. They would never miss an opportunity to make you suffer till the rest of your dying days. Put the boot on the other foot. You are the parent of that sexually abused child. Your son was blown up in a terrorist attack. Your daughter and grandchildren were brutally murdered by someone else's son.

When I look at my own kids I can’t imagine it, but recently reading about two minors who raped and killed a child I think that objectively I would disown those boys if they were mine.

Oh if only life were so simple - my sister would have been the first to shout down how she would never disown her child - when that child is a 27 year old heroin addict, steals from his brothers as well as his 81 year old grandpa his savings for his funeral (yes it was naive to hide in his wardrobe but dad was old school and didn't trust banks) then we as sisters gave her a choice. Wash your hands of him you're loved but we cannot and will not let him destroy our family - thankfully she chose to stay with her family - he is welcome anytime as long as he's clean.

Yes if they did something very despicable and evil - especially without remorse.

Partly also because if they did something despicable and evil I would feel that I didn't recognise them and didn't know them

No, I don't think I could disown them. I've kept in contact with family members who have done time so I certainly would for my kids. However, if they did something like premeditated mass murder, paedophilia - then maybe I would. It's hard to say without knowing the crime.

Yes, a few circumstances I can think of...