I’m “cheating” because DS is going to private school 🙄

[cinderellaeggs]

MIL just found out that DS is going to private school and announced that we are “cheating” and it’s “not fair” because SIL’s children can’t go.

It’s not a competition!

Weird woman.

Is it cheating too if you take them on nice holidays too, if the other GC don't? It's just envy and not her business.

@VladmirsPoutine 👏

@VladmirsPoutine - sorry, wut?!

Is it also cheating to like tall to your children or buy them books? She sounds mental.

Vlad that’s troll hunting. Report the OP if you doubt her.

An alternative explaination is that the OP is pretty specific and the poster wanted to protect her posting history.

This genuinely keeps me awake at night sometimes.

I work in an Independent school. I'm the product of well-known Indy Schools as are my in-laws and my parents. The first reply was predictable but the facts are that children from a 'good' school are more likely to succeed in life.

All of us would "cheat" to give our children the best start in life. Don't beat yourself up but remind your son that he is lucky. If he makes the most of his luck then this is when he can congratulate himself.

I think there's perhaps a problem with the system but that it's unfixable and an entirely different argument.

How come she's just found out?
Anything like this would've been round our (very big) extended families within moments of it even being hinted at
Cheating what FFS? She is what we call round here yampie though M'snet seems to like batshit
Take no notice.

I'm a massive fan of education! Your MIL is bonkers.

In the UK?

Private schools are different there, better I think. So you're providing your child with the best education you can. Good for you, your MIL is being silly.

We're in Spain, had the DC in private school for 1 term, it was shit. We moved them to local state school and it was brilliant, but private schools here are totally unregulated, it's different in the UK isn't it?

well, it kind of is cheating, isn't it, becuase you're buying a whole load of advantages that people who can't afford it can't buy? if it didn't create some kind of advantage why would you bother spending (huge amounts of) money on private school?

if you're a right on involvedy kind of parent then you're also cheating kids whose parents aren't as involvedy out of the opportunity to free-ride on your superness.

However, it's also rational because for you to think it's worth spending the money on, then there has to be some kind of return on that money. either in the form of better educational outcomes (for the kids) or regret avoidance (for you).

so, it's rational cheating. next time she says it's cheating try agreeing with her and see what happens.

OP, I get similar, not quite so overt, snippy comments from my MIL! My DC go to private school (I work there so we get a nice staff discount and salary sacrifice), BIL’s DS goes to state school. MIL is constantly “reminding” me that DN’s “state school is just as good as private school!”. Yeah, I know. State schools are very good, strained under tiny budgets and struggling staff, but they have to be good and they are. But in our circumstances private school was the logical option. My mum describes this as Inverted Snobbery!

She sounds absolutely bonkers and so is probably best ignored!

Did you not know parenting is a game, and the parents with the children who turn out to have the highest paying jobs and look the most beautiful are the winners?

Actually quite a few people do seem to have precisely this attitude.

I dread to think what op's MIL would think of those people who engineer Sept/Oct births...

I would have laughed out loud and asked "at what?"

I think cheating is not quite the right language, but you are buying an unfair advantage for your DS.

VladmirsPoutine no, long time occasional poster name changed because outing.

Haven’t started any other threads which a quick search will show 🙄

Did answer a question on another thread and forgot name change, meh.

But go ahead and think everyone is as political as you if you like!

@maras2, I think we may be locals! I love the word yampie! Always thought it was with a y, though.

So who exactly are you cheating? As in who is loosing out by being pushed out by your child?

No one? Thought not.

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more.

My Mil said that I should put DS1 up for adoption because it wasn't fair that DS2 wouldn't get the benefits of being an Only Child that DS1 got.

Mils eh? They say crazy stuff.

My husband was privately educated and came out with no GCSEs and a drug habit so it doesn’t exactly mean anything really!

Tell her to wind her neck in or you’ll arrange a private tutor aswell

(I’m not trying to put you off private edu there btw! If you’ve got the money and that’s what you want to do for your child then I don’t really see why it’s any of her damn business what you do with your kids, is your sil even bothered or is this all mil? I can imagine her not even batting an eyelid about it tbh)

Well you are giving your child an advantage. Some would say an unfair advantage.

My DD goes to private school. I send her there because I think it gives her an advantage. I recognise this is unfair as not everyone can afford it. But I do it anyway because I want the advantage for my child.

Parenting is a selfish game where nearly everyone uses the resources avialable to them to give their child the advantages they can.

It is unfair, as some have more resources than others. I guess that's what your MIL means.

And I can see how she feels that unfairness for her other grandchildren, who won't get that.

But she's better off not saying this directly to you, or calling it cheating. That's not going to go well for family relations.

maras2 because we knew what she’d say so waited until she asked. DS has had his name down for two years, she never asked!

She knows now because she saw the package his uniform came in.

Cheating?!? 😆 I've heard it all now.

She’s being ridiculous.