To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

Nip this in the bud NOW.

I’m over thirty and my parents have, several times, turned up on me and OH’s holidays unannounced when we made the mistake of telling them where we were going. Constantly keeping score of how often they see us etc. We had to basically stage an intervention!

You set your own boundaries - and must importantly you have to do it as a couple.

Mid twenties? - 4-5 times A YEAR
They need a reality check

Sounds like my PIL. And even loads of time is not enough, it’s absolutely stifling!

I probably see my DS about once a month on average. Speak every couple of days on the phone.

DH and I are in our 30's. We live just over an hour from each set of parents's and try to see them roughly once a month (with most visits involving staying for one night).

Mine are twenty somethings, see them about 7 times a year, not always at the same time

I see mine once a week and like this frequently.

At that age I saw my parents once or twice a month. We are close, have a good relationship and lived in the same city but didn't need to be in each others pockets.

I’m 30 and I see my parents 2-3 times per week. We also see his parents at least once a week. We enjoy spending time with them and them us. It’s whatever you feel comfortable with. Neither of us feel pressured into seeing each other and my parents wouldn’t be offended if I didn’t see them that often. We enjoy each other’s company

My eldest is 23.

No way would either of us pressure him or our other sons into seeing us like your Dh is having to deal with.

He needs to tell them to back off, it’s ridiculous how much time he’s already having to devote to them on their insistence.

Blimey that's far too much. I see my daughter most weeks or at least every 2 weeks for a catch-up/meal or coffee. My son lives further away and I see him about every 2 or 3 months.

It entirely depends on what works for both parties. There shouldn’t be expectations on either side as it inevitably disappoints. I think when parents become frail and very elderly duty does kick in and we have a responsibility towards them.
Ours varies enormously. Sometimes it feels like they’re ever present and sometimes we go a few weeks without seeing them. When our son is deployed it can be several months between viewings. This week though our youngest is back from her boyfriend London, we saw our eldest on Saturday and are meeting halfway for a meal with her and her partner on Thursday. We’ll see our son on Friday as he’s in our holiday cottage at the moment and we’re taking over from him.

My oh sees his mother once a week when she comes to visit on a Saturday afternoon and I see my mother on a Sunday afternoon when I go for dinner, depending on what shifts she's working I might call through to kill an hour during the week.

Both DH & I saw out parents every day - because we wanted to - we actually like our family and love them. I'm afraid, they are all dead now. So chin up OP, it doesn't last forever.

Depends on the circumstances I guess but I moved away at 18 and probably saw my parents 6 times a year (birthdays & Christmas mainly) - we’re still close and have a great relationship though. Since having DD they come to visit probably every 6 weeks but am under no illusion it’s me they’re here to see! I’ve enjoyed spending more time with them.

My late MIL lived round the corner and was always on at us for not seeing her more often but she only wanted to see us so she could criticise DH so we tried to limit seeing her as much as possible

Mid twenties? - 4-5 times A YEAR

Bloody hell, that’s a bit sad! Your parents can’t be much fun!

I see my parents every 2-3 weeks and DH’s about the same. So I would say your in laws are expecting way too much and you should try to establish some boundaries now if you can. Good luck!

I see my parents most days, because we live close by and enjoy spending time together. I work part time and often spend my days off with my DC and my mum.

We see DPs mum probably once or twice a month, we would see her more but she lives quite a journey away!

I see my mum every week, on average, at 24, and my other siblings (20-30 yo) are about the same. I am well aware this is more than the average.
DP sees his parents slightly more, probably, but they live very close and we get on brilliantly with them.

Dd 29 lives ten mins away and at her request comes for tea a few nights a week. Still holidays with us at her request also!! She is single but assume visits would change if her status did and that's fine!!
Ds 26 lives 45 mins away, juggles an ex, ds +a job so maybe every other week in a Sunday afternoon for lunch with dgs.
Never have I guilted them to visit.

I’m 29 and see my parents every day 😂

They live in the same village and our family has an open door policy, it’s unusual for my mum and dad (separately or together) not to drop in either before work or after work for a cup of tea. I absolutely love it,

We live close to dh parents they look after dd and pick ds up from school one day a week so we see them quickly then. We probably see them for long periods about twice a month. My mum lives 300 miles away so see her 4/5 times a year.

I think after leaving home and before babies is the time you see your parents least. Perhaps he could reassure them that it's just a lifestyle thing at the moment and at other times in life he'll be likely to see them more?

All the time. Haven’t moved out yet, and we have a small kitchen.
However, I visited my parents a few times a year when I was in my 20s, for long weekends.

Mid twenties once every couple of months, as I lived further away.

Now (31) most weeks and it’s great because it helps with the baby.

And your situation does sound stifling. It’s not the frequency of visits even, it’s the sulking/whingeing that’s not ok. Nobody in our house sulked; if it mattered we talked and resolved it, so now I find it hilarious and laugh at my father in law openly when he does it, which makes him either pack it in or go away. Acting like a toddler when you’re in your 60s is inviting ridicule in my book.

I've got three adult DCs all older than mid twenties and the amount I see them varies enormously.

One of them I'm very close to, she rings me about 5 times a week and I probably see her a couple of times a month. One lives near me we speak a few times during the week sometimes and other times we won't speak for a couple of weeks, and depending on her circumstances - helping her with children etc I might see her a couple of times a week or a couple of times a month. The other one lives abroad so don't see him very often, but skype and phone from time to time.

Most of our contact is instigated by my DCs as I don't want them to feel duty bound, and anyway I have my own life too.

Your DP's parents are completely unreasonable to expect that sort of contact from their son. He needs to nip this in the bud now.

Tbh if any of my children wanted to see me that often I'd begin to feel suffocated.