To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

my ds 23 is single and I see him about every 2 weeks dependent on our schedules. Its as often as he needs to see me or me him.

I see my 26yo DS about once a month. I'd happily see him more often if he wanted but a monthly catch up is enough. We text each other between visits, a wee flurry of texts maybe once a week.

Several times a week?! Are they lonely?

I'm in my late 20s and see my parents most weekends or every other weekend. We live about a 15 minute drive from each other.

Certainly never mid week!

I don't understand why people think its over the top to see your grown up children regularly, provided they want to. I would never ever want to intrude on their lives, especially if they were married, but if they want to drop by for a bit of dinner that's brilliant. They miss their younger sibling who is still living at home and they all like getting together and going to the cinema together with the youngest, which is brilliant. Eldest travels and so we see him for overnighters because its convenient for him. I would never guilt them into it and I expect it will get less frequent when they get older, but I have had people make disparaging comments about it. It suits both parties and that is all that matters.

See my parents, siblings and a smattering of cousins - 2 hour commute each way in London once a month but we also stay for a long weekend in London at who's ever house would have us. We don't speak on phone but whatsapp weekly.

We see my inlaws who live 10mins drive away - twice a year. We see my dh's brother who lives 3 miles away, once every 2 to 3 years depending if there if there is a major family event like a wedding or a funeral.

It really depends on the family some enjoy the company, some are not at all bothered if we were dead or alive.

I’m (very) late 20s and I see my dad and his partner around once a month although sometimes not for a couple of months as they spend a lot of their time at their holiday home abroad now. I never see my mother and haven’t for four years.

You need to talk to your partner about boundaries as that seems waaaaay too smothering. We only see my partner’s mother around once a year, if that.

I am in my 50s and see my DPs every couple of weeks - I anticipate this will increase in the near future. DC are variable - I haven’t seen DD for 6 months as she is travelling, before that she was living at home for several months. DS is Home from uni for the summer, but didn’t come home in term time last year and I probably visited him once a term. We all text, phone or FaceTime regularly.

Mine are 3 and 2m so imagining not seeing them for weeks is making me well up a bit But that’s how it goes. I’d expect every couple of weeks at mid twenties. We live on the other side of the planet so we see ours at visits ... on the other hand pil are currently visiting for a month. So when you do see them it’s full time! I will stay with Mum and dad for 6 weeks when I visit later innhe year and look forward to that.

I wonder if it is a cultural thing as well though.....I have found quite a few English families amongst my friends are fine just seeing their children just once or twice a year (and no phone calls in between). They don't expect to be looked after in their old age either and prefer to be alone with peace and quiet than be 'disturbed'. I'm just generalising here obviously.

I'm 32 and I see my parents once a week and stay overnight. We rarely see DP's Mum and Step Dad as I don't have a close relationship with them and he's not all that fussed either.

I am in my 40s and see my parents about once every six weeks to 2 months. That's been the same since I left home; I haven't lived closer than 2-3 hours away from them since I went to university. I don't have children either which might have made it more often. I can't imagine seeing them much more often, as I work full time with a 3 hour daily commute, and I need weekends to actually do things and see friends etc. And they have a lot going on too. despite being in their seventies, so also go away, have friends over for dinner etc at at the weekends. I think they would worry if I wanted to spend every other weekend with them!

6-8 times a year

I wonder if it is a cultural thing as well though.....I have found quite a few English families amongst my friends are fine just seeing their children just once or twice a year (and no phone calls in between). They don't expect to be looked after in their old age either and prefer to be alone with peace and quiet than be 'disturbed'. I'm just generalising here obviously.

True in my experience.

See late 20s DD about twice a month ( lives further into London), in touch by imessage a couple of times a day - commuting a popular time. Other DD still lives at home, has a busy life apart from working shifts so either see her a lot in one day or go three days without coinciding ! Have a very close relationship with both but would hope I would never impose frequency of communication.

I haven't seen my mum or the ILs in over a year, we see them all once or twice a year max. We both speak to them regularly on the phone. Mum is 200 miles away, FIL a bit less, MIL a bit more (they're divorced) Neither DH or I are particularly close to our parents, in case you can't tell!

They don't expect to be looked after in their old age either.

My DPs would like me to be their full time carer, but it is not something I feel inclined to do, although I will support them and oversee their care when required. At the moment, I feel that I would hate my children to sacrifice any of their life for me and hope I will make decisions which free them from guilt and any burden.

I live on my own. I'd love all my children to live next door😂
Seriously, I'm in contact both my DDs daily, DS whenever he answers my texts. DD1 lives miles away, see her every month or so. DD2 lives nearby, see her once or twice a week. DS, as often as his wife pushes him to visit. She's a great DIL.
I'd love to see them all every day but accept that they have their own lives and wouldn't like to be as demanding as my own mother who insisted my poor sister went there every day.

Strange one this. It depends how much you want to see each other. If it suits all parties then you can see each other daily if you want. Other relationships work better with distance. I see my daughter once a week my son almost every day and i see my own mum once a month and my dad three or four times a year. Whatever suits (ps this is such a British thread. If this was Spain or Greece it would certainly be daily )

My DPs live 5 mins away and generally see them once a week. Occasionally more, if for a specific reason, or occasionally less if we’re busy.

DHs parents live an hour away and we probably see them once a month on average. Though it’s been the last 3 weekends in a row due to a birthday, a wedding etc.

Neither set of parents have ever put any pressure on us regarding frequency of visits.

My DD1 lives a couple of hours away and we probably see her 12 times a year but it’s not necessarily monthly. She usually initiates and says she misses us which is nice. She’s very social and has a lot going on professionally and in her free time, which I’m delighted about. We message or speak at least every week.
She and her boyfriend have invited us along to the odd weekend thing they are doing which is really nice, as they could easily not and it means they like our company.
I’m very happy with our relationship. I didn’t realise I’d get such happiness from adult DC.
If she was in the same town, I’m pretty sure we’d hook up around weekly.
I think obligation is the enemy of a healthy enjoyable relationship. It’s also important to get to know and engage with any partners of adult DC. I’ve got on with all her boyfriends.

I live about an hour away from my mum and see her once a week and phone her every other day as well.

My mum every month to 6 weeks, sometimes longer. Not local.

MIL and FIL at least weekly, more often twice weekly and sometimes even thrice weekly, only then for my MIL to ask one of my friends in Sainsbury's how I am because they don't often see me. Give me strength!!

2/3 times a year wow.

Oldest 4 dc are mid to late twenties and older 2 married.

So older 2 have dgc 2 days a week so see them then and we usually get together every other weekend. Middle 2 live at home 😂 as does the teenager.

Usually big family holiday once s year for a week. Most come and Christmas all invited and all usually come but completely their choice.

We all get on well so it’s s pleasure.

My sister sees my parents 2/3 times a year but they are old and ill and nerd lots of help and she’s a self centred bitch who leaves it all to me.

Oh yes big family WhatsApp group.