To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

We see my parents every weekend and often through the week as well in the holidays as they live nearby. Last week we saw them Tues, Thurs and all day Sunday but they don't put pressure on us. DH's dad comes round once a week. His mum is no longer with us.

I see my mum about 2/3 times a week. We don't live far from her, I'm a sahm and she gets very lonely, even though we have a massive family. She's very lucky in that all her dc live locally.

It is the "expectation" aspect that is the issue. Children are not there for their parents' entertainment or to plug gaps in their lives.

I struggle with this myself as there is an 'expectation' in my own family and it really pisses me off. I feel guilt tripped into visits that I would rather not make.

I want my DC to want to visit me when they get older, not feel obliged too.

Family do not live locally, 40, 50 and 500 miles away. Only have fairly regular contact about once a month with the one located 40 miles away and that's enough. Other two I see about 4/5 times a year. They are adults and know if they need any sort of help they can come visit or I can go to them. Your DP parents seem obsessive. Would definitely look at frequency being reduced.

I saw my parents every 2-3 months during my twenties. I was away working in London and then they moved to the coast. I don't drive so transport wasn't easy. I didn't really enjoy going as the relationship was fraught. I spent as much time as I could away and traveling.

I now live overseas but not so far away. My mother is alone and in her 70s - I travel back once a month.

I really don't want my children to feel obliged to visit. But I also already know I will have no interest in providing childcare for grandchildren.

My in laws are nice people but overbearing, so I keep my distance with this and leave it up to their son.

I'm 44 and I see my mum every day, she has my dog during the week so I see her at drop off. I spend an hour with her when I pick dog up and DP and I see her most Saturdays and Sundays

Depends. Mine are scattered lol. 3 live at home still, 1 a little up the county about 45mins away so we see her quite a lot. The other 2 are on the south coast though so less of them. But we sort of take it in turns to visit so 6-8 times a year. We make a point of having a big family BBQ every summer where we’re all together. We also holiday together every few years lol. 17 of us last time :)

I think it depends on how close they are and if he helps them with anything. I’m 28 and I see my Mum 6 days a week for a good few hours each time-on a 2 and a half hour return journey, but she’s disabled and sight impaired. We also talk on the phone every morning and evening, but that said we are incredibly close and there’s not a thing I can’t talk to her about.
Before she became so ill however I would visit 2-3 times a week, or she’d come to visit us instead.

We see adult D.C. about once a year as we live abroad.
We FaceTime occasionally but no more then 4 times a year. I have a WhatsApp group with my two fab DIL's and we chat and share photos.
Honestly, we want them to focus on enjoying their lives, not worrying about having keeping in touch with us. We have our own lives and it's nice to update each other but I've no intention of living in each other's pockets.

OP, your DH needs to reset the boundaries on this relationship.

DS and family live about 15 minutes walk away. I normally see DDIL and GDDs every week as I have them after school on one day. DS I might see every couple of weeks as he works shifts. DD lives about 10 miles away and probably see her about once or twice a month. Since they left home we've never lived in each other's pockets and never felt the need to be in constant contact, and are quite happy with things the way they are. None of us ever drop in unannounced, always text or phone first to see if it's convenient. They have their own family lives to lead. We brought the children up to be independent and have wings to fly and leave the nest. Birthdays, anniversaries etc though we will all try and have a family celebration, and really enjoy those occasions.