To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

Once a week would be target.
Great if more, I actually enjoy my families company. That goes for the older ones too, my grandparents are in good health and we often all go out for meals together. Once a week - every 10 days or so.

In our 30s and see my husbands parents around 6 times a year, they live about 8miles away two towns over about a 20min drive.

My dad lives a 4-5 hour drive away so I only see him 2-3 times a year (I'd like to see him more but need a 3 day weekend and he's cancelled coming to us a few times due to illness etc). We talk weekly on the phone tho. My mum lives overseas so it's a weekly hour long Skype date and I try to visit every 18 months or so - it's a long way and a tourist trap so flights are very expensive.

We see the ILs, who are 2 hrs away, roughly every 2 months, alternating between us going to them and them coming to us. DH speaks to them weekly on the phone and there's a family WhatsApp group that's fairly active. He's like them to move closer so we can see them more but they're pretty resistant- I think that will change when we have kids tho.

I'm an 'adult child', but I moved off the mainland to work after I finished my degree in the 90s. So since then I've only seen my parents 3, maybe 4 times a year in the last nearly 30 years.

My own children are no young adults (early 20s) and while both have returned home after uni that's more because it's easier/cheaper to have moved back home than to have stayed on the mainland. I didn't expect/ask them to come home, and if they'd stayed on the mainland I, too, would only be seeing them 3-4 times a year.

I honestly think I'd have gone nuts seeing my parents 3 or 4 times a week! (Someone would have died - disclaimer, I'm joking... I think!)

We see DP's parents around once a week and my mother once or twice a month. I think that's normal. If my DP's parents wanted to see us everyday I think I would cry. Once or twice a week is normal I think. Depending on distance obvs.

I speak with my mother weekly (I'm late 40s) and see them several times a year for usually 2-5 night stop over at ours or theres. I'll be seeing them this weekend for 2 nights, but I might not see them until late Nov/Dec after that as they'll go away for a couple of months.

My sisters are more local to them and see them more often for day trips.

DH sees his parents less frequently (I'm NC after years of bullying from them) as all they do is complain and blame him for being shit. I wonder why he joined the army...

Once a month in my single twenties, a couple of times a week when I had young children, and about once a week now my kids are older teens.

Pil who live further away, we see every 6-8 weeks but we spend the whole weekend with them rather than the more frequent shorter visits with my parents..

I'm 30, live 30 mins drive from my parents, I'm close with my mum and get on well with my dad. I see my mum twice a week normally as she looks after DS two days a week while we're at work. Dad I probably see once every 3-4 weeks on average.

PILs are about 20 mins drive and MIL has DS one day a week so sees one of us that often, although it's a hi and goodbye rather than quality time. If it weren't for DS we would see them less often as although DH gets on with them they're not close. As we have DS though we see them at least once a month to 6 weeks (aside from childcare days).

That seems plenty to me!

I have a friend who insists on speaking to her adult children every day. When I ask WHY she says "I just like to hear their voice". I honestly don't understand this - mine all have full lives & very demanding jobs ie much better things to do than talk to me that often!! And the conversations would be utterly vacuous as I really wouldn't have enough to say on a daily basis. They know we love them and would be there ASAP if there was a serious problem, but the point of adult life is to establish some independence and this can only be achieved with a bit of distance

I'd be interested to hear responses. I'm in my mid-twenties, moved to another country, and my mother expects me back every month or so. The grief I get is almost unbearable.

Mid -20s Twice, maybe 3 times a year. I worked, had babies and lived 7 hours and 3 train rides plus two longish car rides away. We went for 10 days to a fortnight once a year and my dad visited us (my mum couldn't for health reasons) once. It wasn't a case of not wanting to see them it was what was practical and doable in terms of annual leave for both of us and transporting children. Saw the in-laws slightly more as they were only 4 hours and direct train (although with a drive either side) so we'd go more often for shorter bursts and they were retired so could come to us more.

Now my Dad has retired to live in my road. I see him once a week most weeks for a proper sit down chat (sometimes life gets in the way) and pop in On errands. Balance is shifting now as the kids are teens and less demanding on time where as my dad needs me more than he did.

Both me and dh see our parents (usually together with dd) about once a month, sometimes might go to 6 weeks. Sometimes it might be a bit more frequent. We live about an hour apart from them. We both work FT, my dad still works FT, and the other three, although retired, have regular things they do.

Love and care about our parents lots. All get on well with each other's parents. Like to see them.

But real life means that any more frequent isn't going to work. So seeing them on average once a day, but for pretty much the full day, works well. I guess if you see them every day or every week it's possibly for less hours at a time.

See siblings a bit less as live further away again on the whole.

We are all in contact by phone, text and Social Media regularly and also have a family messenger group too.

We are in our 30s with 2 kids. We see DH's parents at least once a week as they live in the same city, although still nearly an hour drive. My parents live more like 100 miles away and we see them more like every school holiday and the odd time in between.

My parents have DS on Thursdays and Fridays so I always see them then. But that's pretty much it. We used to visit them on weekends but now they are very much enjoying their empty nests and go away most weekends.

MIL expects us at hers every single Sunday and sometimes other days in the week. Sunday's I'm usually fine with, especially if I'm hungover and can't be arsed to cook.

We live nearly 2 hours from my Mum, so visit her every 1-2 months. I speak to her 1 -2 times a week by phone/facetime. My DSis lives down the road and sees her 2-3 times a week. As did my DBs when she lived up the road from them.

You see family when you can. Whingeing would make it less often for me!

makeupmaven My mother told me she was "very hurt and disappointed" when I took a job in another country at the age of 25. She never really forgave me for it, showing a marked preference for my sister for the rest of her life.

InfiniteVariety Are we long lost sisters? I could have written that word for word. :)

Instead I get unwanted updates on how many of my old classmates are back in our village, either married, pregnant or both...

This thread depresses me. I hope my DC see me more often! I think so many people living so far away from each other makes it hard.

Mine in late 20s and early 30s
All over 2 hours away
See them every 1-2 months on average but What's App etc
in between
Grandchildren stay sometimes which is lovely

I see my Mum every couple of weeks, we text/phone every couple of days though.

My DP usually sees his parents once a week. He enjoys watching his football team with his Dad on Tv so pops to their house when it’s on during the football season but it drops to every few weeks over the summer months.

I don’t mind as I quite like some time with DS or on my own every now and then.

Certainly no one ever sulks or puts pressure on if it’s been a while!

When I lived abroad I saw my parents a couple of times a year. Now I live fairly close to my Mum and I see her most Sundays and we also take a crochet class together. She tells people that she takes to crochet class in order to see more of me, they assume that's because I'm busy but the truth is she has an immensely active social life so she's much busier than I am.

im 30 and I see my parents on average twice a year. They do live abroad though. I usually see them for a couple of weeks each time. Speak to them on the phone every few weeks.
I consider us to be pretty close.

Once I'd left home for university I never really lived that near to my parents again so probably saw them once every six weeks. They have finally (I am 60 they are mid 80s ) moved near us, well, half an hour away & we probably meet once a week. They are in very good health & fiercely independent. I would find it very suffocating to spend lots of time together and I sincerely hope that my DS moves away when he leaves home, we had him in our 40s so still have a teenager at home!

How long is a piece of string? It’s an impossible question to answer. It depends on the relationship doesn’t it?

One of mine lives 5 mins away, so I see her at least twice a week, one lives 1.5 hrs away - see him couple of times a month. The other 2 live 3.5 hours away and I see them 4 or 5 tomes a year. We speak on the phone and FaceTime all the time. It’s wuite enough for me, although there are no grandchildren yet!