To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

I see my adult daughter and son-in-law about once a month - sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, depending on what they're doing. They both have very busy lives and full-on jobs. But my daughter and I text at least every couple of days. We're very close as she is an only child. We live about 90 minutes away from each other. They're planning to start a family in the next year, so I will see her more during her maternity leave. We're retired, so free agents. We do go over if there are big deliveries like furniture to be waited in for, and I do stuff like decorative pots of plants/hanging baskets for them. My husband does the odd bit of diy too. I would never dream of putting pressure on them - they're adults and have their own lives - you have to be reasonable about it. I would never want them to feel that they had to see us out of duty.

I see my DS (26) snout once every 2 months and I see my DD (24) about once a fortnight on average.

I see my mum maybe every 3 months, but I live 300miles away.
DPs parents live an hour away and we see them 7-8 times a year.

If I lived nearer my mum I would probably see her every 2-3 weeks

I text my 26 yo DD most days. I see her 2-4 times a month. I’d like it to be more but she has her own life.

Mid thirties. See my mum with my DS on average once a week. My dad, once a month as he's always busy. They live about half an hour away.

DH mum: about every six weeks although we get nagged/ cajoled a lot. He skypes her with DS most weeks.

DH dad: ummm, when they're in the country so about every 2-3 months

My daughter 20 miles away, 1 - 2 a month as we swap dog sitting. My son, 60 miles, couple of times a year. Keeps us all happy without suffocating each other.

We have one DD (27) and SIL who live 2 hours away and see them probably once a month. Other DD is at university, so here for the hols but then when back at uni' we won't see her for weeks on end. I do wonder how people have the time to be in each other's pockets - we have busy lives and so do our DC.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband Why is it depressing? I feel great joy and satisfaction knowing my adult DCs are out in the world, doing their own thing, living the lives they want to have and building resilience & independence in the process.

You don't have to live in each other's pockets to love and be loved by them

Urm .. not your job to tell your DH how often he can see his parents? If my DH tried to tell me how often I could see mine, telling him to fuck off would be the least of things I'd be doing.

I see mine 2x week and I'm sad if it's less (I'm nearly 40) DH sees his 1x but only because it's 1.5 hours drive away.

Let your DH sort his own boundaries

DD lives 50 miles away and I see her about once a month. We text or speak most days.
I live a mile from my own parents and see them about 3 times a week.

One weekend every couple of months. But there are 5 of us so we share the responsibility.

I’m 26 my mum lives in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. It’s a 7 hour drive or A DAY on public transport to get there. I’ve seen her three times this year.

In my mid 20’s? I was living about 200 miles away and saw them about once every 2 months.

In my early 30’s, one of them had died, so I made more effort to see the other - maybe once a month or more, and we did a few family holidays.

By my late 30’s, i’d had kids, so moved closer to the remaining parent. We now see them about three/four times a week - BUT only for a short visit, to drop off groceries; for the kids to say hi; for a Sunday lunch etc. If they were all day visits, it would be far less frequent.

So in short - it depends on your age and where you live, for me.

My parents live 2 hours away, so once every 2 months or so. The PILs live a lot closer, so I see them roughly once every 4-6 weeks, although MIL comes to spend time with DD most weeks, so DH sees her more frequently.

I can't imagine wanting to spend every weekend with family. I have stuff to do!

DS 25, single, lives 200 miles away, about 4 times a year and speak on phone every 1-2 weeks

We always lived within a few miles of each other. Before children, maybe every other week plus a phone call or two. After children, once or twice a week plus phone calls. After the DC were grown and they began failing a bit, I dropped by twice a week. But my parents (and iLs) were never the type to moan or complain about life and were always upbeat and happy. Seeing them was always a pleasure.

My own DS1 (married, no DC) lives further from us so we don't see them as much as we'd like. We never call to complain though, they're busy people. We see them every month or so, but frequently text each other to share jokes, political news, and such.

I think parents who are always on at their adult DC to visit need to get a life. DH and I (retired) are nearly as busy as our adult DC are.

Mid twenties? - 4-5 times A YEAR

Bloody hell, that’s a bit sad! Your parents can’t be much fun!

If you’re in a couple, and want to see both sets, and everyone works, and everyone lives in different cities - that sounds sound that unreasonable.

When I was younger I loved closer to home and saw my parents probably every 2 weeks for dinner.

Now I love much further away and am older it probably averages as once every six weeks, but they mainly do the traveling as they are retired.

I text my mum every day usually tho

I see adult daughters about once every 3 weeks/month.

Early 30s and see all sets of parents (3 as mine are divorced) at least once a week. It's been like this since DH and I moved in together at 22 but definitely less likely to skip a week now that grandchildren are involved.

That's a bit obbsessive tbh. My mum and dad hate to see me coming, so much so it caused a bit of a rift the other month. I haven't been down to see them at the weekend since Father's Day (my mum minds my daughter during the week so says she doesn't need to see her at the weekend)

I should say she only minds her for a few hours 3 days a week so I honestly don't think it's too much.

I see my parents and grandparents twice a week but we are all happy with that arrangement so nobody is treading on anyone's toes!
I agree that in your situation it seems a bit much because they seem to be pushing you. That's not ok and I'd try and sort that out ASAP

I see my mum about once a week, but that's because she's having a hard time at the moment - normally it'd be every 2-3 weeks, and we're both okay with that. We tend to chat once every week or so on the phone for 15 minutes, and maybe the odd text. I'd say we were pretty close, and although I live a few hours away now (I see her when I travel to where she lives for work), it was the same frequency when I lived round the corner. I love her to death but if she wanted me to visit a few times a week, I'd tell her to get a grip.