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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have a spunking ghost?!

296 replies

Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 15:18

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

OP posts:
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abbieo · 20/08/2018 15:23

spunking ghost! hahah

Maybe DS was sleep walking and decided to piss outside your bedroom door?

Although, a spunking ghost is definitely the most rational explanation

PianoThirty · 20/08/2018 15:24

Neighbour’s cat wandered in through an open window? Or even a fox?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/08/2018 15:26

I want a spunking ghost too (and a DP who cleans up after it!)

Leaky pipe above???? Hole in the roof dripping?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/08/2018 15:27

p.s. Typing the words "spunking ghost" is strangely pleasurable. I recommend other posters try it.

SimonBridges · 20/08/2018 15:31

Was it DP and he is using the spunking ghost story as a cover up?

DonttouchthatLarry · 20/08/2018 15:34

DS or dog got caught short on the landing then went back to bed.

Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 15:39

I did consider "ejaculating ghost" to be a bit more, you know, high brow...but I wasn't sure how to spell it

Dog was downstairs and stair gate was closed, so I was a bit Hmm about how DP thought it could be the dog.

I did wonder about DS having a sleep wee (is that a thing?) But he was tucked in under his covers and he can't do that himself...at 7! (I think he's defective and may ask for a refund)

Only open Windows were upstairs and we don't have flying cats or foxes round here...sadly!

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DanSullivan · 20/08/2018 15:42

It was definitely a spunking ghost. There’s no other explanation.

TheDairyQueen · 20/08/2018 15:42

The way I would like to think of it, had it been me, was that the ghost took one look at my heavenly features whilst sleeping and had an ectogasm in his sheets.

Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 15:43

Oh and no wet patches on the ceiling so the leak explanation is out.

I'm actually quite worried...I don't want a ghost! Especially a spanking one!

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Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 15:44

Spunking not spanking! That's a whole other level of paranormal fuckery

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Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 15:46

Ah dairy queen it would be lovely to think that. Thing is my DP sleeps on the side near the door...homosexual spunking ghost?!

I obviously have no issued with homosexuals but I don't want dead ones banging one out on my upstairs landing

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Bodabing · 20/08/2018 16:03

Can ghosts hold themselves? Wouldn't it his hand just pass through his spectoral dong?

Stephisaur · 20/08/2018 16:04

Ghosts float though Chips, so perfectly logical that he could see you from the doorway.

Why he'd need to open it is another matter, as he could logically just float through it unless his ghost erection prevented it possibly

If I were to be sensible, I would assume that DH had spilt a drink on the way up to bed and not closed the door properly. Ours has a tendency to open randomly if we don't "click" it shut. But it's definitely a spunking ghost IMO

OutPinked · 20/08/2018 16:05

Have you smelt the wet patch to check whether it’s urine or something else? Possible it was DS and he climbed back into bed afterwards.

Crazylady87 · 20/08/2018 16:19

Can 7 year olds spunk? Is that what u think it was? Im confused

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/08/2018 16:26

"Smell the wet patch" sounds like a particularly unpleasant dare!

Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 16:26

Crazy lady - Jesus no! And i certainly wouldnt term it that was if I though it was my son.

I genuinely don't know what it was but we seem to have ruled out all logical explanations...So I'm left with spunking ghost

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Original poster
Chipshopninja · 20/08/2018 16:27

I can't do the smell the wet patch dare either as DP cleaned it up Sad (not really sad that I can't give the puddle a sniff)

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/08/2018 16:30

You're not trying Chipshopninja. MN requires you to go upstairs NOW and sniff around all of your carpets and then come and report back to us with your nasal findings.

SoupDragon · 20/08/2018 16:31

If it was a large wet patch, it would have been a very large spunking ghost.

Andthatsthat · 20/08/2018 16:32

Did you also hear the creaking/door close?

Cynical me is wondering whether dp didn’t have a little ‘accident’ or maybe spill a drink himself and this is a cover story??

Failing that, spunking ghost definitely Shock

ArmySal · 20/08/2018 16:38

Well this is odd Confused

I don't believe in ghosts, a jizzing-on-the-landing ghost is something I've never heard anyone claim.

My money is on the DP.

abbieo · 20/08/2018 17:15

This is my favourite post ever.

Caaarrrl · 20/08/2018 17:21

Tell your spunking spirit that according to a recent thread on mn the only civilised place to crack one out is in the shower.

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