To think I have a spunking ghost?!

[Chipshopninja]

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

Don't do a Ouija board for God's sake you'll end up with a ghost gang bang on your landing.

Thanks Bluelonerose! Think I've created my own little puddle after your comment!

Eh, thank your lucky stars that your amorous apparition had the good grace not to fart. Apparently, breaking wind in the bedroom is a cardinal sin for half of mumsnet.

It's all about the supernatural ghoulies.

Don't you mean supernatural goolies?

There are so many mysterious stains and patches on our house that I probably wouldn't even notice.

If it happens every night, it might be a ghost. But most likely it is boy or dog.

Oh god this is one of the funniest threads ever 😅👻💦

Leave a spectral sock on your doorknob or a box of tissues.

I'm really sorry, I dont' have ANYTHING to add. I'm just proper belly laughing!

Hope the wank ghost leaves you all in peace tonight, Chips.

Sleep well.

And may no one on this thread (whether real or ethereal) know the pain of sexual unfulfillment (OMG, potentially for eternity!!!! Now THAT'S a punishment! OK. I hope paedophiles get that! And Hitler. And Thatcher. Especially Thatcher. And Rupert Murdoch. And Donald, obvs)

p.s. Disclosure/Retraction: I'm not saying Margaret was worse than Adolf.

No wet patches or strange door openings to report...I'm strangely disappointed not giving up yet though may be my walking friend was having a night off

Wanking not walking obvs

Fingering monk

Is THAT why ghosts moan?! I always thought it was to scare us. 😁

I have always enjoyed blaming odd messes and damage on 'poltergeists' even though I know perfectly well it was DS/me/work colleagues/mice.

Actually, OP do you have a garden? It might have been a slug gang bang...

This is the best thread in a long time

Intrigued by this has the ghost ever spunked on you when asleep?

the ghost took one look at my heavenly features whilst sleeping and had an ectogasm in his sheets

A standard of gorgeousness we must all aspire to, DairyQueen.

While "spunking ghost" is indeed strangely satisfying (if you will pardon the expression), perhaps "nocturnal emission ghost" would be (scientifically) more appropriate.

It might have been a slug gang bang...

Eeeeeeew!

Nicola I don't think so.

unless what I have always assumed was DP being very sweaty was actually....

Oh dear God! ()

most likely it is boy or dog

Absolute rubbish scream.

I can't credit that in this day and age, there are people who still believe in "boys" and "dogs"

Might have happened when you were yawning.

I will just have to go round sniffing my carpet first thing

I hope you don't sleep with your mouth open.

Nubbled

Not any more

He was just looking for a ghoulfriend.....
Oh my god, that is just the level of my humour! This thread has cheered me up no end after a shitty week
OP have you had a sniff of the carpet yet? If your DH is as good at cleaning as mine, I'm sure it will still have a (ghostly) whiff

While "spunking ghost" is indeed strangely satisfying (if you will pardon the expression), perhaps "nocturnal emission ghost" would be (scientifically) more appropriate.

Because ghosts are scientific fact, Schaden?