To think I have a spunking ghost?!

[Chipshopninja]

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

Have woken dh up with bed shaking chuckles- having to explain wanking ghosts, ejaculating goats and ectogasms to him without loud guffawing- fantastic! 👻💧

Is he sure it wasn't a wet dream?

Discussed this Very Important Thread with DH. (he's a man, so obviously he KNOWS things us poor dears don't). He has (patiently) explained that (sorry to be breaking it to you all this way) that there's no such thing as ghosts. Despite my beard stroking expertise, and Schaden's Psychic Unicorn (who's existence NO ONE - not even DH - is denying). And he must be right, because he possess a penis so I've been told

His explanation is that you actually have a Ghost Spotting MEDIUM hiding in your airing cupboard, who got overly excited during his ghost spotting, leapt out, and cracked one off on your landing.

This must be true, because DH suggested it, and I always defer to my man! and he's following this thread on his ipad, sneakily, without telling me, but keeps slipping up and saying things like "ghost ectoplasm" or "wanking goats" when he thinks I'm not concentrating

If there's anybody there... knock me up three times

Haven't RTFT as am crying with laughter already and desperately need to go to bed but am already thinking Classics!

LICK IT.

Might not be sniffable now its dry but licking could possibly give us more info. Basic MN advice I think for any foreign substances/objects found it the home!

A sexorcism is the only option, but they can be very expensive.

Note: failure to keep up sexorcism payments may result in repossession.

My grandmother had a spunking ghost. It only showed up once but caused her to have a stroke.

Haven't RTFT as am crying with laughter already and desperately need to go to bed but am already thinking Classics!
I had already contacted MNHQ by post 42 and suggested this, WichBitch. They said they'd consider it.

I told you this thread was up your street, Torn. This thread was MADE for your sense of humour.

#PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks - come and play!

I'm out

I would be extremely suspicious of this fapparition. Are you sure your husband could not be the wankergheist himself?

If you wake up next to him and get the refrain "he slimed me!" it may be time to raise an eyebrow.

The husband did it.

Update! Update! Update!

We have another spunk puddle, I repeat, we have another spunk puddle!!

Not on the landing but in the room of many things.

Said puddle is in the midst of piles of clothes waiting to go to charity shop and black bin bags full of crap.

I have a new theory, ghost used to be a horder and couldn't contain their excitement at a room so full of general shite.

Oh and I have it a sniff (I'm not licking it you sick bastards!) And it definitely didn't smell like wee.

It then occurred to me I have no idea what spunk smells like (I'm more the "thanks for that" and wipe it off kind of girl)

I'm going to try and upload a photo for all the ejaculating ghost doubters out there...

I'm sure someone on MNs will volunteer to pick it for you, in the interests of science of course. (Obviously I'd volunteer myself but I live far far away, honestly)

Lick even, though pick might work as perhaps the ghost has a cold or hay fever and its the boogie man's bogies

I was still kind of thinking it might be a leaky underfloor pipe (has happened to 2 friends) but this puts paid to that theory.

Ghost would love my house it's full of several generations worth of shite. Bloody farmers.

The ghostie and his goolies have been at work again! Yay

snorting my coffee out of my nose at this, where's the photo OP??

Ok here we go. Spunk patch number 2...

PHOTO PHOTO PHOTO OP!

X post - soz!

Omg, it's the outline of Peppa Pig!

You don't have underfloor heating do you?

Torn hope we are far too poor for such things