To think I have a spunking ghost?!

[Chipshopninja]

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

No wet patches or strange door openings to report

Maybe whatever it was that caused the previous night’s ectogasm was so supremely erotic he’s had no need to return. D’you think your wallpaper/doorknob/carpet is profoundly satisfying enough to help an (admittedly rather strange) unquiet spirit find peace and disappear into the hereafter, lighter of heart and indeed of bollock?

I think, Verbena you've got to give the old chap a chance to recuperate. In the same way that men sometimes need a bit of time between goes; I'd imagine a wanking ghost has less to give than your average 15 year old.

Honestly, this makes me really cross. Why do you assume ghosts go around spunking outside bedroom doors? They are far too busy turning taps on, balancing chairs on top of each other in the middle of rooms, opening all the kitchen cabinet doors and finding lost objects which they put in an obvious place so we know it is a ghost that found them. Then they have lots of walking round to do so that we hear their footsteps, as well as talking to babies near to a baby monitor and also to stand in our peripheral vision looking shadowy. They have not got a minute to be spunking outside your bedroom door. They are blamed for everything. You are just being goady OP.

Dare you try the lick test op? Might have a more conclusive finding than a sniff test.

Lick test (not envy)

lulu I think, with respect, the OP has considered the fact that ghosts, unlike people, have all of eternity. I’d suggest she is not being goady. Your comment smacks of being a ghost-wank apologist

drinks that’s a fair point.

I wosh I hadn't opened this thred.

I'm meant to be finishing some work but now keep snort-laughing. The dogs are looking worried and DH is stepping quietly away.

Verbena All of eternity passes very quickly when you have a very long list of ghosting jobs to do every day- spunking outside Op's bedroom door is not one of them. And as hauntings are repetitive, surely she would have noticed the wet patch before now if it is one of his daily jobs.

This thread has had me in stitches , but it also means I have had the ghostbusters theme tune running through my head all day

Who you gona call SPUNKING GHOSTBUSTERS , da da dada

shameless book marking

Because ghosts are scientific fact, Schaden?

Certainly are, Drinks.

My Psychic Unicorn assures me that the Dead Are Always With Us. Watching us. Protecting us. Making disgusted faces when we go to the toilet . . .

Sorry if I’ve missed this bit but did you actually see the wet patch? Could DH have dreamt it?
If you did then sorry but it’s definitely a spunking ghost 👻

My Psychic Unicorn assures me that the Dead Are Always With Us. Watching us. Protecting us. Wanking outside our bedroom doors

The Spunking Ghost was accompanied by it’s Wanking Monkey.

I can confirm I did indeed see the wet patch (well, the outline) of the badly - but bless him for trying- cleared up demon spunk puddle.

I was still in my standard sleepy eyed desperate for caffeine mode so i did not sniff.my carpet on that occasion.

Don't worry though fellow mumsnetters I have my eyes peeled for ghostly emissions.

I shall not rest until the demon is unmasked (que dramatic horror music and exit stage left)

You have to lick it, Chips. You know you do

Lick the spunk
Lick the spunk
Lick the spunk

You know you do
We won't tell.

a spunk puddle . It's either a very productive ghost (it would surely have been more splodge than puddle?) or you have more than one spook outside your bedroom door. Were there any ghostly crumbs that could've broken off say, a soggy biscuit?

Ghost orgy

No sorry I can't deal with that. One orgasmic spirit is bad enough but I refuse to accept that it could be several...

(Firmly buries head in sand)

Oh poppy no! No no no to ghostly spunky biscuit crumbs! Feel like I need the brain bleach mentioned up thread!!

lulu if you’re not prepared to accept the scientific fact of (potentially wanky) ghosts despite the assurances of schaden’s Psychic Unicorn, then what is the explanation?!

(I’m way too involved in this silliness and need to pack it in, probably)

I would much rather have a spunking ghost (or goat for that matter) than the unfeasibly large spider I've just found outside my bedroom... bastard eight legged freaks

Husband peed himself and doesn't want to admit it. Case closed.

My Psychic Unicorn assures me that the Dead Are Always With Us. Watching us. Protecting us. Wanking outside our bedroom doors

Indeed.