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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum gets annoyed when dad helps me financially

231 replies

Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 21:55

Aibu? I have a good job but occasionally he gives me a bit of money from their joint account to help with things. I’m mid 20s. They are very well off through sheer hard work and saving. They have always treated us and she’s not stingy per se but not careful than him :s

OP posts:
ElainaElephant · 16/08/2018 21:57

Are you being unreasonable about what?

user139328237 · 16/08/2018 21:57

He is being unreasonable to spend joint money without speaking to her if that is what they have agreed to do.

Frogscotch7 · 16/08/2018 21:59

Ugh it’s the other way round with my parents. If my mum gave me money I’d always say “does Dad know?” and she’d always reply “it’s my money too and I can do what I like with it”. I tend to turn it down these days .... but I’m a lot older than you. Not much help to you but I sympathise.

Monday55 · 16/08/2018 22:01

How much is a bit? It is a joint account, so he should discuss with her 1st.
.
Maybe he can help you to manage your finances if you say you have a good job and still need the bank of mum and dad.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/08/2018 22:02

What's the AIBU? To accept money knowing your mum doesn't want to give it? To be annoyed that your mum resents it? To think your dad should respect your mum's wishes (or vice versa)?

Loopytiles · 16/08/2018 22:03

How much £££ in past 3 years? Have you had other help, eg living at theirs for low or no rent?

Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:04

Monday Hmm how patronising of you

My parents are very well-off, I’m 25 and have a good job but live in central London and sometimes talk to my parents about having to fund expensive (compulsory!) courses needed for a work qualification I am doing... it’s a couple of hundred, means a lot to me but not that much to them... or for example tenancy charges or loaning deposits...

The big gripe for me is that I have never ever expected money from my parents. I have worked from 16 (part-time), took a gap year which helped me pay for university and never received an allowance... I don’t like your assumption that I am reliant on the bank of mum and dad when actually it is far from the case!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:06

Oh and just to add, I very rarely ask for it! He puts it in my account to “help me out” because he is my dad. I have lived away from home (in London actually so very expensive) since the age of 19, before then I was in a full time job for a year earning money for university. I’m really the opposite of a free loader

OP posts:
Prestonsflowers · 16/08/2018 22:08

You asked the question in AIBU
If you don’t like the answers......... tough

ShatnersBassoon · 16/08/2018 22:10

It's still unclear what the question is...

Loopytiles · 16/08/2018 22:10

How much £££ though?

Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:11

Aibu to think it’s mean of my mum to begdrudge the very occasional financial support? They both have full access to money and a property portfolio jointly owned. They are fine

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:11

Around £200 or so here and there, every few months

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 16/08/2018 22:13

He puts it in your account?! YABU. Why do your parents need access to your bank details at all.

But they also need to talk to each other and agree between them what they are doing.

ElainaElephant · 16/08/2018 22:13

Does your mum begrudge the fact your father gives you money, or does she begrudge the fact that he gives it without discussing it with her first?

ShatnersBassoon · 16/08/2018 22:15

OK. YABU. It's your mum's prerogative to use her money as she pleases. How would you fund these compulsory courses etc if no financial aid package arrived?

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2018 22:16

He's taking money that's also hers and spending it without her agreement.

That's possibly the problem, rather than what he's actually doing with their money.

WhiteCat1704 · 16/08/2018 22:16

Hmmm...as its joint money your father shouldn't be giving you any of it without your mothers approval...

Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:17

I would aid them myself! I’m not asking for the money. It’s a gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:17

But surely half is his!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:17

They don’t have separate accounts

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 16/08/2018 22:17

So if it’s £200 three times a year, that’s £1800 in three years.

Or £200 four times a year, £2400.

HotSauceCommittee · 16/08/2018 22:18

Parents do help children financially, not sure why there’s so many sour reactions to that on here Confused.
I hope I’ve got money to spare to help my DCs when they move out and are working hard (fingers crossed).
Not sure what you’d do about this, but it’s probably between your mum and dad to sort out. Having a bit of help is lovely, but I can see you’d rather not have any animosity over it.

Original poster
Ohsaycanusee · 16/08/2018 22:18

Right yeah, in three years!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 16/08/2018 22:19

Plus a deposit for a flat, which is likely £1000+ : paid back? (Or perhaps not until the end of you renting).

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