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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

193 replies

Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:20

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 13/08/2018 15:22

Hmm. I'm not the suspicious type but his refusal to let you do it has my spidey senses tingling.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 13/08/2018 15:22

Does he fancy one of the school mums? Or teachers?

BlingLoving · 13/08/2018 15:23

In light of the fact that he seems to have a very relaxed attitude to taking on his share of the parenting, I'd have thought encouraging him to continue to do the school run is the best option. It forces him to get himself moving. I'd be inclined to suggest he do more before hand as well - get breakfast, ensure DC are up etc!

AveABanana · 13/08/2018 15:23

Sounds very much like he wants to be considered primary carer.

TokyoSushi · 13/08/2018 15:23

A bit weird that he's so insistent but could you split it? He does some days & you do others but you agree what they are in advance?

ch0c0milkrox · 13/08/2018 15:24

Just go with him

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:24

Let me just make clear that he does NOTHING with the children other than this.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 13/08/2018 15:25

Do lunches the night before and get him up for the morning routine too. You can take the school run in turns surely?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2018 15:25

If he can't be arsed all summer, what is the attraction all term-time? Because there is one and I'm struggling to think of a 'good' one.

Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 15:25

Could you do it one day a week? In our house Dad does the Friday school run and the kids love it.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:26

I'm going to say that I will be doing the school run but he is more than welcome to come. He won't be able to say that I'm stopping him from going then Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:26

What is it TerryPratchett?

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 13/08/2018 15:27

You could do 3 days and him 2. Or vice versa.

On his days he can get up with her at 6, make breakfast, dress her, pack bags, make lunches etc.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:27

The big question is why should he be allowed to pick and choose when he's interested in the children?

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 13/08/2018 15:27

I'm going to say that I will be doing the school run but he is more than welcome to come. He won't be able to say that I'm stopping him from going then grin

Brilliant!

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 13/08/2018 15:28

I think it’s a bit weird too. I like TokyoSushi’s idea of sharing it. Would your DH be up for that?

What are your spidey senses saying peachgreen?

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:29

I think YABU to just tell him that you're doing it instead. The school run is nice time with kids (at least it is when we're not running late). It also gives DH a chance to see DD in her school environment, see her classroom etc. I think it's a good idea for working parents to be as involved as possible in DC's lives (rather than just doing a few minutes playing while the at home parents does all the routine stuff).

YANBU to have a discussion with DH about it though. How about if he also does some of the getting ready stuff too (checking she has her book bag, making sure she's out of the door on time) while you go to an exercise class for you (if there's a creche for younger DC) , or toddler group with younger DC (or whatever you'd like to do).

I think there's a danger when one parent does 90% of the childcare that the kids get more attached to this parent and used to them getting them dress/doing a bath and the other parent then gets more and more pushed aside.

However YANBU to discuss with DH how you feel and come up with a compromise - e.g. him coming home early some days instead of school run, you all doing it together some days, maybe there's some other activity that could be his thing - e.g. swimming lessons.

user139328237 · 13/08/2018 15:29

My Mum always used to like to do it as it made her have to be ready at a set time (being employed in a job that doesn't care too much about punctuality meant she'd often take an age to get ready and the fixed school start prevented that).

KatieKittens · 13/08/2018 15:29

If he enjoys it then why not do it together.

It’s sad to hear that he does nothing with your children other than this. Does he not even spend time with them when he is not working?

Moneypenny007 · 13/08/2018 15:29

Tell him he can do the run but the lunches are part of the deal!

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:31

Let me just make clear that he does NOTHING with the children other than this.

That's very rubbish of him but if this is the one thing he does rather than stopping him from doing it (which would be bad for the kids) why not concentrate on getting him to do more for them in general?

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 13/08/2018 15:31

I see your point OP. That would irk me too. Maybe get him to do the whole of the routine/preparation when he takes your DD to school. Maybe he’ll stop being so keen.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:32

Icecream face I'm not stopping him doing it though, he is more than welcome to come too.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 13/08/2018 15:33

You could take turns. I think you should definitely say though that you also want to take turns with doing the lunches, uniforms etc then as well. Doing the school run but nothing else comes across as, at the very least, wanting the parenting glory without doing all the work.

HolyMountain · 13/08/2018 15:33

Does he want to appear a hands on Dad in front of other parents?

I'd be incredibly pissed off at him getting up at 8.30 am while you're doing all of the leg work from 6.00 am.

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