To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

[Tigerstails]

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

Everything about your language in the post shows that you think of him as a back up to you. He can 'come too', for example.

Why does your Mum have an opinion on this? Are you one of those women who moans about her husband to her mother?

I haven’t read the full thread yet but why don’t you let them go off, but accidentally hold back her library bag or something. Then follow along five mins later to catch up to them and watch what’s going on. No harm in that. Might be good to see what’s happening.

Sorry if it’s already been suggested!

He sounds like a complete arse.

It sounds like he likes putting on a show.
I think you right to enjoy the getting out and if he wants co ride along fine.

I'm with @MrsTerryPratchett and others...can't think of any good reason he's doing this.
When my ex husband and I divorced he tried to make out he'd been equal care-giver with me...though he worked full time and had a 2 hour daily commute. Had never bathed them all, made lunches, gone t any hospital appointments with them etc. Luckily the judge dismissed his claims

I would be wary if I were you that he wants a public persona of care-giver. Either for another female or for society; neither are good.

Oh, and don't tolerate the selfishness any more...tell him he needs to muck in with children from 6am! Equal partners, equally respected.

I am pissed off for you. I have similar working hours and could also roll in at 9am and finish at 6pm, but guess what, I never ever do, I always get there for 8.30, to buy those precious 30 minutes back with the kids in the evening and start dinner etc. I also do half of the getting rid part before setting off. People saying "maybe he prefers to do the ten minute school run than the crappy dinner/over tired bit of the day", well yes, yes me too! But dh does the school run so I can be home earlier, so the children see us more. As you know, he is being selfish.

And, as usual, the answer is for you to go to work.

He can get up at 6 with them then and get them ready while you sleep in
I have a feeling he has a crush on someone there...

If you’re collecting the children at the end of the day, clearly you’re still in contact with the other mums so would get an idea if something is going on.

I’m very surprised at the amount of negative comments that a dad (who works late) wants to spend time during time each day with his child. How it’s unfaur because he doesn’t do the morning routine. Perhaps because he feels he is making a contribution by doing the school run (and financially supporting the family by working outside the home).

Now I’m married a long time. Youngest is 18, eldest is 32. I worked full time until a few years ago. We have been through many different situations on where we live in relation to school, work, how kids got to school (even having au pairs in the past as work schedule/train schedule/school schedule conflicted). DH never did school run unless I was ill (and once for about 6 weeks straight when I had broken foot)

I never even dreamed of asking him because I knew from early in my marriage he is not a morning person. He has sleep issues making mornings very difficult.

Yes, I’d be up over an hour before him dealing with the children while he would just get up, dress and go to work.

As mentioned, youngest is 18, eldest is 32 and there’s one in the middle. They all have great relationship with their dad and so do i. I’m sure you’ll find many a family where its the mum doing school run

What is the harm in the husband wanting to do the school run? Why knock him back from having more contact with the children on a regular basis? This is his effort to do more. Why does he HAVE to do the earlier part too?

So he wants to be more involved and he gets kicked backed for it? It’s suspect that there’s someone at the school gate (yet mum collects the children, seeing same people)? Really?

A long time ago, someone gave me a good piece of advice. Pick your battles. He’s trying something now to be more involved. It could lead to more in future - maybe taking children to weekend sport or activity. Who knows. Knock him back now, why should he try and make effort again if he’s treated as suspect or not doing enough.

Pick your battles.

@TeacupTattoo

That would start with the OP getting a job, no?

Split it - share it, but on the mornings he does the school run, he also makes the lunches, ensures teeth are brushed, hair done, DD has got PE kit, reading record or whatever else she needs to take to school on the days that he's taking her.

Maybe on the days he isn't doing the school run, he could get up & get to work earlier, & come home earlier, as your DM suggest. If that's an option, fail to understand why he wouldn't want to be seizing that opportunity!

Some of the comments on this thread are bizarre. Perhaps the DH just likes interacting with other parents including other fathers as believe it or not loads of fathers do the school run. The suggestion that it is unfair that OP gets up at 6 does the rest of the school preparation is also ridiculous considering that she is a SAHM and hasn't mentioned that she has preschoolers to look after during the day. She might be resting when the children are at school.

Split it - share it, but on the mornings he does the school run, he also makes the lunches, ensures teeth are brushed, hair done, DD has got PE kit, reading record or whatever else she needs to take to school on the days that he's taking her.

Why should he do that? He has to go to work after dropping them off and OP doesn't.

‘I’m very surprised at the amount of negative comments that a dad (who works late) wants to spend time during time each day with his child.’

Bloody hell if he actually cared about spending time with his child he wouldn’t lounge in bed every day until 8.30 while OP is up at 6!

It's like some people can't actually read what the OP has written in the thread...

He's clearly not doing it to spend more time with his DD and it very probably suits his own agenda for some reason e.g. he likes to chat to other parents and/or pretend that he is involved with his children when he isn't. There's no reason to think he is having an affair or that anything sinister is going on though. OP should just insist on going too- problem solved.

@Tigerstails what did you do in the end?

Hope you managed to do the school run without any fights