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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

193 replies

Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:20

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

OP posts:
ciderhouserules · 13/08/2018 16:51

*home earlier (not later Grin)

ilovepixie · 13/08/2018 16:53

Hmm. I'm not the suspicious type but his refusal to let you do it has my spidey senses tingling.

Mine too. Something strange there.

Jammin3 · 13/08/2018 16:53

as someone whos suffered from an affair via this method, id be watching this one carefully!

crunchymint · 13/08/2018 16:53

And OP, I will be very surprised if he starts doing his fair share when you start paid work as well.

Bestseller · 13/08/2018 16:54

In these days of easy messaging, does he need to go to the bother of doing the school run and moving his working day later to have an an affair? If there is someone at the school, surely after meeting a few times, messaging would be preferable to a minute or two in the school playground in front of all the mums (who would definitely notice!)

CombineBananaFister · 13/08/2018 16:54

Think Hidingfrommykids has it spot on based on your other posts about him.
I know someone similar, like to look like the doting dad and the attention it garners at the school gates ( whole other thread why that's so fucking annoying anyway just because he's male and shock, Horror does the school run! )
Yet he doesn't actually do any of the practical stuff that's needed. He needs to get his arse up earlier, stop using the school run as an excuse and spend some actual quality time with your DD. Or get up and do the whole morning routine then take her.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:54

Winterbella well he's kidding himself. As if anyone is going to be interested in anything with a married school dad.

OP posts:
Toohot12244 · 13/08/2018 16:55

Could it be he wants some time with DD away from you? If you are a SAHM he doesn’t have any time at all with DD just him and her? This could be the reason. Give it a few years you won’t care who takes her as long as she goes, it’s such a chore!!

Desmondo2016 · 13/08/2018 16:55

Definitely odd. But then I think your take on it is too. If we're both off we do things together unless one of us can't or doesn't want to.

If you're both available too then why on earth does there have to be a set rule. It's really really odd.

Bestseller · 13/08/2018 16:56

HaHa OP, you're kidding yourself if you think being a married school dad makes him unattractive. Some women see to find "heroic" dad's who appear to do their bit very attractive.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:57

Too hoot he gets plenty of opportunity to have dad time alone. I am desperate for some time these holidays Grin

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 13/08/2018 16:57

I'm not sure what people are getting at but it's highly unlikely a man who has very little to do with his dc would pick the school run as the time to abuse them.

Why not? Isn't it the perfect time alone in the car with them. Grooming them for something else.

ciderhouserules · 13/08/2018 16:57

Could it be he wants some time with DD away from you? did you miss the bit where he lays in during the holidays? Does nothing to help get dd ready on school days? 'Spends time' with dc in the same room, on his phone? Gets in in the evening 2 minutes before bedtime?

Sound like wanting to spend time with his precious daughter? No, me neither.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:58

Bestseller - I know everyone at school very well now and everyone just talks to anyone. He's probably flattered thay somebody's talked to him and got the wrong idea Grin

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 13/08/2018 16:59

Why can't you split it? I do 3 mornings and dh does 2. We both get to be part of that part of dc life and works for us. It doesn't need to be all or nothing.

Winterbella · 13/08/2018 17:01

Tigerstails I'm not suggesting he is, just responding to the other poster who con't figure what people where getting at.

Clutterbugsmum · 13/08/2018 17:02

I would suggest that he does the full morning routine, from getting dc up, dressed, breakfast and lunchboxes. Why should you do all the donkey work and he just take her to school.

I'm guessing he will no longer want to do it when he actually needs to put some effort into it.

EvaHarknessRose · 13/08/2018 17:02

I think he felt annoyed that you undermined him - when your daughter tantrummed, wanting you to take her, you jumped, rather than being a united front with him. Now its a big deal because of that. And yes, for some reason this routine suits him and he is rigid. And it sounds like a not great relationship.

ciderhouserules · 13/08/2018 17:05

OP - don't be one of those posters who claim 'he wouldn't have time', 'he wouldn't do it', 'he's a middle-aged, fat balding man - who'd look at him...' Never discount it.

Whether he is fat, balding, middle-aged, sweaty - he has a reason for doing the school run which is nothing to do with DD, I'd bet on it.

And that will prob be another woman.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 17:08

Cider house rules - I know, which is why I'm suggesting that we go together.

OP posts:
Mmmmdanone · 13/08/2018 17:10

Not rtft but my DH is the same with work ie he could go in early but leaves the house at 9:20am meaning he's usually back around 7 too. But he doesn't offer to do the school run either which would make life easier for me as I also work. So your DH is slightly better than mine! Still both selfish pricks though.

TheVanguardSix · 13/08/2018 17:12

Is it on his way into work, OP? DH does DD's school run because a) it gives him a bit of time and a chat and b) it's en route to work. He's not a hands on dad at all either, so I guess this is a bonding session for him and DD. Tbh, I don't mind him taking her in the least. I do school pick up.
That being said, YANBU.
I totally get the bit about the routine and getting you out of the house in the morning. I need the school run and the dog to encourage me, otherwise I'd just stay in all day.

RiverTam · 13/08/2018 17:13

I think you’ve got bigger problems than who does the school run!

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 17:13

The vanguard - Actually his work is 30mins in the other direction!! So it makes it an hour round trip! Hmm

OP posts:
frenchknitting · 13/08/2018 17:14

* frenchknittingYou really think a genuinely loving father with no ulterior motive would drag his 6 year old screaming DD out of the door when she is begging her mum to take her? *

Sort of? My kids are younger, but my 4 yo has a meltdown in the evenings sometimes because he wants me to do his bedtime. But generally i do say, no - we've spent bath time together, I need to bf your brother, I'll do it tomorrow when your dad is out - but tonight dad wants to do stories. Etc. Without exception the meltdown stops the second I'm out of sight and I can hear them laughing together within minutes.

I think kids do go through phases where they are clingy to one parent over the other, and it's best to continue to parent evenly through that?

Obviously, this guy isn't parenting even remotely evenly. But all the more reason to stick with the things he does do?