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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

193 replies

Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:20

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

OP posts:
LillyLollyLoLo · 13/08/2018 16:02

It sets off my spidey senses too. Is there a chance he could be interested in one of the parents or teachers? Have you asked your DD about who he talks to etc? Children can be very astute, my dad was always up to no good with other women and I was very aware of it from a young age.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:02

Rachel - exactly!

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 13/08/2018 16:03

If I was in your position I would be saying something like...

"It's nice that you want to help but after getting up so early with DD by the time it's the school run I am desperate for some fresh air to clear my head. If you really want to be helpful, getting her ready so I can have a lie in or go to the gym or whatever, or going to work earlier so I can have a break in the evening once you're home would be much better."

Sounds like he doesn't really help at all though... How does that work? You must be exhausted!

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:03

Lillylolly - I definitely think there's more to this which is why I've suggested going together.

OP posts:
SchrodingersMeowth · 13/08/2018 16:04

Something weird is going on here, his refusal to give it up coupled with your daughter getting so upset over him taking her and him still insisting.

Something isn’t right here, make sure you do it.

ShumpaLumpa · 13/08/2018 16:05

I think I would split the school runs with him but he has to also get them up, dressed and fed and do their lunchboxes too.

He sounds competitive and smug. Are you happy with him otherwise?

crunchymint · 13/08/2018 16:05

OP your mum who knows you all better than any random people on here, has said his reason does not make sense. Your DD is at times screaming because he is taking her, and begging you to take her instead.

There is a lot more going on here. And if I was with you, I would want to find out what. Why is he so insistent on taking her? Why does your DD sometimes scream if he is taking her? And why does he get to decide who is taking her? He sounds as if he is your boss.

ShumpaLumpa · 13/08/2018 16:06

I'm not sure what people are getting at but it's highly unlikely a man who has very little to do with his dc would pick the school run as the time to abuse them.

GabriellaMontez · 13/08/2018 16:07

Yanbu.

I've enjoy the school run so I'm going to restart it you're welcome to come"

If he wants 'quality time' offer some alternative ideas. Such as at the end of the day...

Weird. Suspicious. And I wouldn't like the way he lays down the law.

Jux · 13/08/2018 16:07

He's just showing off to his colleagues/mates, he wants to be able to say that he's an involved and hands-on dad. He wants to tell himself that, and his family. One day, he may even be telling a Court.

I would point out to him that there's a lot more involved in getting the kids to school, and that if he's determined to do it,then he does at least half the grunt work too.

If he gets up at 6am like you, with you, then he may find that he'd rather get to work early, and leave all the kid stuff to you.

It's not fair as it is, so you need to change something.

LillyLollyLoLo · 13/08/2018 16:08

But if he’s up to something he’s not going to do it when you’re there. You need intel from someone else, do you know any of the other Mums well enough to ask what he’s like on the school run?

TBH even if he’s not doing anything wrong he needs a boot up the arse if he’s only seeing his child 10 mins a day and does fuck all else for her, or you.

crunchymint · 13/08/2018 16:09

shumoa None of us have any idea what is happening here. But it is not usual behaviour for a 6 year old to scream if her dad is taking her to school and to beg her mum to take her instead. So something is wrong.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:10

Just to clarify Dd only gets upset because she sometimes wants me to take her but dh insists on doing it. It's nothing about him specifically.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 13/08/2018 16:12

something seems a bit odd about it alright if he doesn't normally take much interest in them

Fairenuff · 13/08/2018 16:14

There is another reason. He could just be avoiding the evening as that's the dinner, bathtime, cranky time for children. So the school run is an excuse to go in late and come home later.

I think you need to insist that he gets home in time to give you a break OP.

SinkGirl · 13/08/2018 16:14

What happens if you try to talk to him about the distribution of parenting work?

Excited101 · 13/08/2018 16:15

I don’t get it, if you’re happy to go together, then go together! It’s not just up to him to go with you, but also you to go with them!

It is weird, he’s acting suspiciously but take some responsibility for the set up, just go as well!

GileadWivesAreFashionIcons · 13/08/2018 16:16

Have to agree with others that it looks like he wants the glory of looking like a hands on Dad. And I also think that there is someone there who he wants to think that.

OlennasWimple · 13/08/2018 16:20

It's all very odd

Why don't you just split it between you and on the days when DH doesn't do the school run he goes into work earlier and finishes earlier? His choice which days he does

rightknockered · 13/08/2018 16:27

I don't understand how he has the capacity to stop you rom going, or why you just accept that if he says no, then that means no. Why can't you just go, even if he doesn't want you to? Do you often get bossed around by him.
Him not doing any chores at all related to children, or spending time with your dd in general, just also sounds as though he may be controlling. Is he OP? Do things generally have to be done as he sees fit?
FWIW, my ex also tried to take over the school run when we were married, and it was to be seen as the main carer. I let him do it because I didn't like doing it anyway, plus I couldn't stand the battle that everything was. It didn't make him the main carer though, because I did everything else.
If your marriage is in trouble, I would start keeping a diary of everything you do, all the times you get up for breakfast, make packed lunch etc. And don't wake him for the school run, if he wants to do it, he can get himself up and do it.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 16:29

Just to clarify Dd only gets upset because she sometimes wants me to take her but dh insists on doing it. It's nothing about him specifically.

I still think that's very odd - is she nervous about going to school? Why does she specifically need you to take her? Lots of kids get taken to school by a neighbour or grandparent etc if both parents work so I'd be very worried if her she got so upset about going to school with her own dad!

NeverTwerkNaked · 13/08/2018 16:29

I’d put money on there being a mum he is rather keen on.

SchrodingersMeowth · 13/08/2018 16:30

Shumpa Tbh it seemed more likely to me that he was going because of another Mum and that perhaps the DD had seen them.

Gemini69 · 13/08/2018 16:30

Hmm. I'm not the suspicious type but his refusal to let you do it has my spidey senses tingling

hhmmmm ... me too Hmm

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:31

Nevertwerk Well if there was then my solution would stop it wouldn't it?

OP posts: