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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

193 replies

Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:20

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

OP posts:
pugalugs90 · 13/08/2018 15:34

Just let him do it take that time to have a cuppa!

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:36

Tigerstails True but surely it's a good idea for him to have some 1-1 time with DD? If anything I'd want to up it! Could you just leave early in the morning (take younger DC to park?) so he'll be forced to get up and do the getting ready etc with DD?

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:38

Icecream face Sure it is, but why does he only want it on this occasion? Why doesn't he want any 1-1 time with her any other time?

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 13/08/2018 15:38

YANBU.

Tell him he is more than welcome to come, but you are doing the school runs. Plus it's the best time to arrange playdates with other parents and see any other parenting friends, perhaps having a cup of tea immediately after drop off with said friends.

It also sounds like you need a bigger conversation about his lack of interest and involvement in family life ... pretending to all the other parents to be an involved dad by dropping the DD at school does not make him so ... and this needs to change.

BlueBug45 · 13/08/2018 15:39

I agree with @IceCreamFace that YABU to tell him you are doing it instead.

Many men I've worked with and my own brothers have done the school run, simply because that's one of the only times in the day they get to have one-to-one time with their child(ren). While some of them are as useless as your husband and that is/was the only thing they did, others partly because their child(ren) asked ended up doing more things for them.

Fireworks91 · 13/08/2018 15:39

Surely he can't stop you going? Have you never just put your shoes on and gone too?

caperberries · 13/08/2018 15:41

Agree with others who've suggested this is suspicious.

IKnowItsTIMHONKSTIMHONKS · 13/08/2018 15:45

YABU - his reason makes more sense than yours

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 13/08/2018 15:45

YWBU to just tell him you'll be doing them all. That will also not help the situation as he can then frame you as unreasonable. I think the fairest (and best, in the circumstances) suggestion is taking it in turns and whoever does the school run does the getting up and prep. If he then loses interest you'll know it was about an easy way of getting parenting glory (and perhaps avoiding parenting work by being home later). If he's still keen, you may (may!) need to dig further about what's going on.

And yes, you do need a wider conversation about his involvement with the work of parenting.

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2018 15:47

I take it you do pickup?

Fairenuff · 13/08/2018 15:47

I think you have the perfect suggestion OP. You do the school run and he can come too. I bet he doesn't though.

I expect he's got into the habit of chatting to one of the other mums there. Maybe they walk together after their kids of been dropped off. Maybe they even go for coffee. Who knows.

I've worked in schools and I've seen it happen.

Petalflowers · 13/08/2018 15:50

I agree with others. Why only the school run? Suggesting you both do,it is a good solution,

UnicornSparkles1 · 13/08/2018 15:51

Do you have any school mum friends? Just wondering if you can ask them what the big attraction is? Does he dote on your daughter at the school gates or is he more interested in chatting to other parents/being perceived as a great dad?

LeftRightCentre · 13/08/2018 15:52

I think your response to this is brilliant. If he tries to put you off, just say nope, I like doing it, too, we can do it together and have couple time, too.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:52

Every decision I make is for the children, nothing is ever about me. I just feel so angry remembering times that Dd was screaming at the door because she wanted me to take her and he wouldn't let me. He never ever puts DC first.

It also used to massively piss me off that he wouldn't tell me things that were said/happened at school and I'd have to find out from Dd. He would also be weirdly competitive and say about how he talks to so and so all the time and knows so many people, yet at the end of the school year he still didn't know certain children/parents.

OP posts:
grasspigeons · 13/08/2018 15:53

So he works until 7 and wants to see his dd for the bit of the day he is around? I don't get the problem, I presume you get to pick her up and be with her then. I guess share it or take turns if it's important to you but I understand wanting some alone time with your child as I find it's different when we are all around. I hope you sort it.

Oldraver · 13/08/2018 15:54

Well I think I would be suggesting that if he insists on doing the school run then there is no need for you to be up at 6am.

He can do all the other stuff as well

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 13/08/2018 15:54

Why was your dd screaming because she wanted you to take her? Did this happen often? Does she ask you to take her often?

LeftRightCentre · 13/08/2018 15:55

I just feel so angry remembering times that Dd was screaming at the door because she wanted me to take her and he wouldn't let me. He never ever puts DC first.

He's not your jailer. 'Nope, we're both doing it together. 'No, I'm doing it.' 'I'm going, too. You're not the boss of me.'

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:57

I just feel so angry remembering times that Dd was screaming at the door because she wanted me to take her and he wouldn't let me. He never ever puts DC first.

I would want to get to the bottom of why this is happening. It's definitely not a usual reaction for a 6 year old to be screaming because her dad is taking her to school (even if he doesn't usually).

I would definitely want to be making sure he does more for the kids. Can you go out one day of the weekend and leave him to it.

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:58

Grass pigeons The only reason he works until 7pm is because he won't get up earlier! He could have a 10mins drop off or he could go to work earlier and have two hours! Why does he only want 10mins?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 16:00

Icecream face His idea of looking after them is being in the same room as them but ignoring them sat on hid phone, so no I won't be leaving them for the weekend with him.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/08/2018 16:00

I know this isn't relevant- but why does it take you two and a half hours to get ready in the morning?

RachelAnneJ · 13/08/2018 16:00

It's daft that he goes in late and works late simply to do a 10 minute school run, he'd get more time with his child if he finished work earlier.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 16:01

Can you clarify your objection to DH doing this by the way? Do you think there's something suspicious going on with a mum at the school gates? Is he trying to look like super dad? I'm wondering whether he wants to do it specifically because it's time alone with his DD. Do you think perhaps subconsciously you could be a bit territorial about the DC? Correcting how he does things etc? (This is just a guess because you seem so adamant about him not taking DD to school and I'm not sure why).