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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that I want to do the school run?

193 replies

Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 15:20

DD is going into year 2 in September. Up until February I always did the school run as I am a SAHM. Then DH asked if he could do the morning run, so I said fine. However, if Dd ever asked me to take her occasionally he would get strangely protective over it and tell me I couldn't, creating a big argument.

All summer he has been having a lie in until 8:30am every morning whilst I get up with the DC at 6am. He then gets home from work at 7pm sees them for literally 2 mins then it's bedtime.

I'm dreading the conversation coming up about the school run in a couple of weeks. He wI'll insist on doing it as he says he likes spending time (10mins) with Dd taking her to school but my mum has questioned if it's about spending more time with the DC then why doesn't he go to work earlier and come home earlier?

I want to do it as being a SAHM, it gives me the routine and gets me out of the house. I get up at 6am to do lunchboxes, getting breakfast, everyone dressed, whilst dh stays in bed and just sorts himself out.

AIBU to tell DH that I will be doing it from now on? I know he will turn it round and say I am stopping him from doing it but I will tell him that he is welcome to come too, and we can go together but I will be going.

OP posts:
GrumpySkintCow · 13/08/2018 17:15

Also, is it possible that you DD Cries because you argue in the morning as to who is taking her to school? If she knows in advance (i.e evening before) then maybe it would be easier? Sorry I didn’t read the whole thread, but I don’t really understand why both of you insist on the school run. Surely you need to do the pick up, he may as well do the morning?

loveyoutothemoon · 13/08/2018 17:16

Just go with him! I wouldn't stop him from doing it, that's unfair.

TheVanguardSix · 13/08/2018 17:16

I really, really, really would not jump to any 'potential affair at the school gates' conclusion, OP. The pendulum is swinging way too far there.
It sounds like a power struggle between the two of you, more than anything else.
I'd leave him to do the school run and add on the morning routine (or at least some of it).
You'll find by Christmas, you'll be doing the school run again and wishing he were! Grin

crunchymint · 13/08/2018 17:19

frenchknitting Well I would find out why the DD screams, not just make assumptions. At age 6 this is not normal behaviour.

YouDancin · 13/08/2018 17:19

"Actually his work is 30mins in the other direction!! So it makes it an hour round trip! "
So by doing the school run he is adding 30 minutes to his working day - 30 minutes of quality time he could have in the evening, or more if he got out of bed reasonably and went straight to work.
It is a weird and totally selfish arrangement. And makes ZERO sense as far as time management goes.

RandomMess · 13/08/2018 17:22

Sounds more and more suspicious the more you explain!

Bellyscreen · 13/08/2018 17:23

Playing devils advocate... my children can be quite attached to me, and we do worry about it. So sometimes my husband will insist that he takes them somewhere, and even if they are upset they’ve got to go because they’ve got to get used to the separation. It is weird, but there are other explanations - like someone said, maybe he is trying to ‘do his bit’ the lazy way by doing the easiest bit and leaving you to the rest. You need to talk to him, all the suspicion on here will drive you crazy.

Fadingawayagain · 13/08/2018 17:25

It could be that he does this to stay at work later. Maybe there isn’t another mum at the school gates maybe it’s a woman at the office. Men are weird creatures. And in my opinion if he is opposing that much it would be an obvious you would be suspicious, possibly diverting you from the real problem.

Inertia · 13/08/2018 17:26

I’d tread the path of being out of touch with school notices and events since he took over the school run, so you can do it together until the children are old enough to reliably pass on letters and messages.

Are there also younger children? He could help out by getting them ready .

At best, he seems to be using it as an excuse to be at work too late to help with the witching hour of dinner/bath / bed.

bebemad · 13/08/2018 17:28

Suggest taking turns if he doesn’t agree I would ‘forget’ to pack something for dc and drive to school and drop it off while he is doing the school run.

Bestseller · 13/08/2018 17:29

Ah yes, Fadingaway has it. There's a reason he needs an excuse to be in the office late.

downinthejunglee · 13/08/2018 17:29

he gets plenty of opportunity to have dad time alone. I am desperate for some time these holidays

But earlier OP, you say; no I won't be leaving them for the weekend with him.

Maybe he would enjoy this as it would truly be one on one just like the school run.

I think people are being way to over dramatic with this. And people focusing on DD crying for mum to take her, my niece does this a lot, for no particular parent, one day it could be my DBIL she cries for or one day it could be DS, I don't think this is that abnormal, I remember doing it as a child too.

RubyLux · 13/08/2018 17:29

All sounds very suspect to me. I reckon he wants to pursue someone there.

Allthewaves · 13/08/2018 17:32

I'd start going to the gym or for a run before school then he'd have to get out of bed and sort them out. He wants to do shool run as gives him excuse to stay in bed and go to work later

rightknockered · 13/08/2018 17:35

Can you follow him OP.
Or decide to go but lag behind him and then show up and say that you decided to come along
Either way, you need to find out what he's up to. Have you checked his phone, email, car? Do all of that before alerting him to your suspicions. And check bank accounts

NotAgainYoda · 13/08/2018 17:35

Yes, OP. Suggest going together. Then you can spend time with him too. And see of it's the children he's interested in seeing, or something/one else

lazymum99 · 13/08/2018 17:36

I just think it gives him the excuse to get up later, leave the house later and get home later. Thus avoiding any of the more tedious and onerous child care stuff at home.
Although if he is doing the school run you don't need to get dressed yourself and out of the house. You can take things easier.

SassitudeandSparkle · 13/08/2018 17:37

But he's only being doing it for 6 months or less if it is since February this year and you were happy to let him do it then. So what has changed? I think there is something else that is bothering you tbh, OP, and this is not about the school run.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/08/2018 17:38

I think people are being far too suspicious. He probably just likes chatting to other parents and I can't see what it wrong with that. Whyen my children were at primary school loads of fathers did the morning school run and chatted to each other. If you want to go too OP, then just go! He can't stop you.

NotAgainYoda · 13/08/2018 17:40

By the way: a few people would be interested in a married school dad. Especially if they are an exotic species in your particular school.

downinthejunglee · 13/08/2018 17:42

@Dungeondragon15
Agreed!

Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 17:43

Lazy mum - that doesn't make sense though as even when I was taking them he would still go to work late and come home at the time he does now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigerstails · 13/08/2018 17:44

Sass and sparkle - I wasn't happy about it as he just suddenly decided that he was going to do it and that was that.

OP posts:
gillybeanz2 · 13/08/2018 17:45

I can't believe he does nothing else with/for his children.
Split the school runs and the packed lunches, breakfast between the two of you.
Maybe you do 3/5 as you are a sahm.

embo1 · 13/08/2018 17:48

Doing the school run includes everything that goes along with it - bags, lunches, unforms, teeth, hair, shoes etc etc

No one parent can hog it if you both want to do it - take it in turns! But when he does it, he has to do it all, and let you have a lie in!

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