Who was being UR re camping behaviour?

[ijustneedagoodnightssleep]

Currently camping in France. One of the things I love about French campsites is that they are usually lovely and quiet after 11pm.

A couple of nights ago, I got back to my pitch with DH and DD (6) at about 11.30, after some stargazing, then teeth cleaned etc. As we approached it, new people were arriving at the pitch next door. I admit my heart sank, as it meant some noise for a while as they got themselves to a point where they could go to bed (they had a large caravan, we're in a tent).
It was obvious that we were heading to bed to sleep.

They sent their three kids to play in the playground directly across from our pitches (no instructions to play quietly and their smallest had a very loud voice), then proceeded to bang, beep, rustle and talk for well over an hour)

At 12am, my DD (not encouraged by me!) shouted "shut up!"

She couldn't get to sleep and kept complaining to me about the noise. At 12.45am, after my DD had complained to me again, and they started rustling (what turned out to be a large tent) literally right outside the back of my tent, I said loudly "are you going to be much longer as it's nearly 1am and you've been doing this for long time now". They went quiet after that, thank god!

The next day, the woman approached DH, said sorry they'ed been loud, had been delayed etc BUT we needed to tell DD of for being rude, as apparently she'd approached them earlier and told them off for being noisy!!!!

When we asked DD what happened, she said that she'd gone up to the dad in the playground and said "you were very noisy last night", he'd replied "that was a very grown up thing to say".

So, should we have told DD off? Should I be more understanding? Or should they at least have had the courtesy to approach us when they got here to apologise about the inevitable noise, and try and keep it to a minimum?

Hate sounding bossy here but I think you needed to step in first.

Re your DD, I don’t know. She was right but she was very rude for six.

I’m sure you’ll get lots of people saying your DD was rude but actually I think she was spot on.

Being that loud for that long at that time of night is spectacularly rude.

Ooh this is tricky. She most definitely was right, but also not really on for a 6 year old.

Hope you can all have a laugh about this now and enjoy the rest of your hols.

Your dd was not bu to have told them very politely to stfu!
Once we were delayed (France) and I assembled caravan +awning, pumped airbeds and bedded dc for the night after midnight and was commended by the 'neighbours' next morning as not having heard a thing!!
Cf they are!!

I should have said in the OP that I think my DD was just very blunt and honest, as she is 6, and that's how they are which is what we then said to the family next door after checking the details with DD...

Your neighbour is guilt-throwing, don’t let it stick.

Your DD has witnessed you telling them they were being noisy, so she just did the same. I don’t think she did anything wrong. Six is still a bit lacking in tact IME. It’s not as if she told someone they smell.

Well done to your DD. I'm 26 and wish I had her courage!

I don't see how she was being rude. They were extremely rude, she was terse in return.

Don't teach your daughter not to be assertive. Teach her how to be assertive as politely as possible.

I think at 6 she can just about get away with it in the name of 'honesty' (assuming it was just stating a fact and not said with attitude).

I'd have a word with her along the line of "better to leave this to the grown ups" but I don't think I'd tell her off at all.

She was just stating a fact to him... not being rude.

She has that kind of personality, where she will just be very blunt. She also hates any kind of perceived injustice!

I have a 5 year old and what I'd do in your situation is take him aside and tell him that he was not wrong in what he said. But that it would be better for him to leave that kind of discussion to the grown-ups as there are all sorts of unwritten rules about how grown-ups talk (called diplomacy) to each other and kids haven't been around long enough to understand them all yet and could accidentally make things worse. I'd go on to say that, tbh, it's so tricky that grown-ups don't always get it right but it's part of our job to protect our kids from dealing with such tricky situation, so come to me and we'll talk about how to deal with this kind of problem together.

I'm not sure how I'd have responded to the other mother. Theoretically I'd feel like pointing out that she was the one most disturbed by them so she's not wrong to let them know that. But it would probably just be best to say that I appreciated their apology and change the subject.

She was just stating a fact to him... not being rude.

You can be both, or else it would be entirely socially acceptable to tell fat people that they are fat...

She wasn’t rude she was making conversation, it’s not even as if she told him off she simply stated a fact , good for her .

Telling someone they are fat is being rude not simply stating a fact and as long as the OPs daughter knows where the line is then that’s fine .

No I don't think your DD should be made to apologise.
She commented factually on a situation in a blunt but not rude way.
She couldn't sleep because of their rude behaviour.

Perhaps the noisemakers thought that you had sent her to say that to them, since they thought it "sounded very grown up"

It was for the adults to discuss.

trancepants has it right I think.

I don’t think the telling them to shut up is so bad, it was going to find them the next morning to give her views that I think was probably best left to adults.

Your DD was not BU. They just didn't like being told off.

How would you feel if he'd replied 'and you are a very rude little girl?'

It would've got right on my wick if a six year old had spoken like that to me. It's not assertive - saying 'please be quiet' at the time is assertive (though I think 'shut up' is excusable too). Criticising an adult after the fact is rude. The man did the right thing by coming to you instead of telling her so.

I don’t think your daughter should apologise but it was very rude of her to speak to an adult like that.

You do have to
Accept a bit of noise living alongside other people.
Perhaps they’d had a nightmare journey with two small children. It’s not like they had a party.

You might find people stay up chatting etc beyond midnight. I hope your daughter doesn’t intervene in that as well.

Why is it for just the adults to discuss? Don't kids get a say?

She didn't tell them to shut up; she just pointed out that they were noisy. Which they were. He's just annoyed that a six year old pointed this out.