Who was being UR re camping behaviour?

[ijustneedagoodnightssleep]

Currently camping in France. One of the things I love about French campsites is that they are usually lovely and quiet after 11pm.

A couple of nights ago, I got back to my pitch with DH and DD (6) at about 11.30, after some stargazing, then teeth cleaned etc. As we approached it, new people were arriving at the pitch next door. I admit my heart sank, as it meant some noise for a while as they got themselves to a point where they could go to bed (they had a large caravan, we're in a tent).
It was obvious that we were heading to bed to sleep.

They sent their three kids to play in the playground directly across from our pitches (no instructions to play quietly and their smallest had a very loud voice), then proceeded to bang, beep, rustle and talk for well over an hour)

At 12am, my DD (not encouraged by me!) shouted "shut up!"

She couldn't get to sleep and kept complaining to me about the noise. At 12.45am, after my DD had complained to me again, and they started rustling (what turned out to be a large tent) literally right outside the back of my tent, I said loudly "are you going to be much longer as it's nearly 1am and you've been doing this for long time now". They went quiet after that, thank god!

The next day, the woman approached DH, said sorry they'ed been loud, had been delayed etc BUT we needed to tell DD of for being rude, as apparently she'd approached them earlier and told them off for being noisy!!!!

When we asked DD what happened, she said that she'd gone up to the dad in the playground and said "you were very noisy last night", he'd replied "that was a very grown up thing to say".

So, should we have told DD off? Should I be more understanding? Or should they at least have had the courtesy to approach us when they got here to apologise about the inevitable noise, and try and keep it to a minimum?

Your dd was rude, but it's not up to them to tell you how to parent your kid. Although if she gets away with being rude now and isn't taught what's ok, she might grow up to be the type of cunt that piss arses around until 1am at a campsite when people are clearly trying to go the fuck to sleep.

A couple of nights ago, I got back to my pitch with DH and DD (6) at about 11.30

then proceeded to bang, beep, rustle and talk for well over an hour

At 12am, my DD (not encouraged by me!) shouted "shut up!"

That was half an hour not an hour.

I feel quite sorry for the other family tbh, whilst you and your family were sat in your nice set up they were just trying to get things sorted so their children could get into bed. Do you really think they wanted to be doing that at midnight? Then they have your dd and then you shouting about noise. I think you sound mean and you're encouraging your dd to follow your footsteps.

The thing is, unless you tell her that these sorts of conversations are for adults then she won’t understand the social boundaries and will end up telling off her teacher and other adults and it will come across as rude. She is not being rude at the moment, she just doesn’t know better and she is not being shown the limits. When she yelled at them to shut up at midnight I would have said to her that that is not ok and that daddy or I would deal with it. As I assume you didn’t step in, she presumably thought that she was entitled to tell off other adults, which is perhaps why she then went in for round 2 this morning.

Your daughter is of course allowed to enter into adult discourse. She'd have heard some adult words back from me (at midnight).

She didn't tell them to shut up; she just pointed out that they were noisy

She did both

Your daughter simply stated a fact to the father, that's not rude as they WERE noisy. I think it's a bit rich for the mother to tell you that your daughter was rude - THEY were the ones being rude setting up at that time of night. Lots of campsites would have refused them entry so late at night so they were being completely unreasonable making all that racket so late.

jax it’s fine for her to discuss with her family. It’s not fine for her to yell out to another family to “shut up” and to follow it up criticising them the next morning like that.

It might be true, but it’s not polite, and her parents were there to deal with it.

loll
Don't worry OP , I think its rather forthright and impressive in one of 6.

And they say they were delayed, fair enough, but if they had a caravan as well could they not have coped in that for the night , then proceed to pitch tent in the morning . Its what I would have done but I realise not everybody is me.

PS I like France . What region are you ?
I have been to Dordogne and Normandy but my parents to far more places than me.

Your daughter was rude. Do you really think it's OK for a 6 year old to yell out "Shut Up"? TBH I would think an adult doing that was rude, let alone a 6 year old.

Regarding her telling them the next day that they were noisy - it's hard to say as that could have been done conversationally or rudely - e.g "Oh hello! Are you the family we heard arrive last night? I heard you putting your caravan/tent up! Do you have children? Can we play together?" would not be rude. But, "You woke me up last night, you were noisy, why didn't you shut up - I called at you to shut up" would be very, very rude indeed.

But, whilst it's not ideal, I think that the noise that this family made was probably unavoidable as they were obviously delayed en route. It's a one-off, and just something you have to accept as part of camping. It's very different to a loud boozy party every night. Personally, I wouldn't have commented on it, except to offer to lend a hand.

Wow, I would be really cross if my daughter behaved like this. I think it's very cheeky and rude.

I agree with some PPs - your DD was very rude. Just because she was right does not make it acceptable for her to address an adult in that way.

I think the first comment from tracepants has it bang on.

Don't let your daughter think it's not ok for her to speak her mind and be confident. It's totally fair to teach her about "time and place" and the appropriateness of when to do so.

I dont think she was as rude as they were. If they dont want to be told to shut up or that they were noisy when camping, then maybe they should shut up and keep the noise down at that time of night

She was blunt because she'd heard you moaning for hours. It's far better to teach children that some people might be inconsiderate and rude but it's sometimes better to ignore them.

This would have been a good example of one of those times...you could have explained the difference between anti-social behaviour which is just a bit irritating and anti-social behaviour which needs sorting out immediately.

As it was, you whinging and calling out just made everyone even more uncomfortable.

I would be more concerned that your small DD thinks it's ok to approach adults she doesn't know and strike up conversations with them than anything else.

Those who don't think she was rude....let me put it another way. Do you also think it's ok for children of that age to walk up to adults they don't know when their parents are nowhere to be seen and start conversations?

Genuinely interested.

Sorry, the more I read this, the more I am appalled at your DD's rudeness. The family were delayed and made noise late into the night - this is unfortunate but it's not as though they were throwing a party or have been noisy for weeks on end. They had to get in and set up. You could have set the example as a parent and adult by going out and asking them to quieten their children down in the play area or indeed asking them if they could use a hand getting set up to quicken things up, since you were awake anyway. I hope you have had words with your DD about rudeness. Not a telling off perhaps, but a clear conversation about how to address adults amd the fact that she was rude, as she may not understand this and she needs to. Certainly the shouting shut up was very rude indeed.

Re your DD, I don’t know. She was right but she was very rude for six.

Why is it rude? they were noisy, they kept her awake. Why shouldn't a 6 year old be able to tell someone they are upsetting her?

It was rude, just because it was a fact doesn't stop it from being rude.
I think what another PP said is spot on - You wouldn't say to a fat person 'you're fat' and it not be considered rude would you? Even if it was a fact.

I think the yelling out was rude, you should have dealt with it before it got to that point by going out and enquiring.

But I don't think she was rude to be direct this morning, she's allowed an opinion and she didn't voice it rudely.

""One of the things I love about French campsites is that they are usually lovely and quiet after 11pm.""

Every UK Campsite that I've been on has been quiet after 11 and you wouldn't have this situation because they wouldn't let anyone set up so late. Even the more lax ones don't allow pitching after 9pm.

Your DD shouldn't be made to apologise, but she should be told that she shouldn't be approaching Adults in that way.

Or you are going to have a really difficult time as she grows up, because before long she will be "just stating facts" to you, as well as other people.

@marvellousnightforamooncup's comment: Don't teach your daughter not to be assertive. Teach her how to be assertive as politely as possible.
This. I wish my OH had a bit of your daughter's grit...

Those who don't think she was rude....let me put it another way. Do you also think it's ok for children of that age to walk up to adults they don't know when their parents are nowhere to be seen and start conversations?

It's not rude, it's potentially dangerous. "Stranger danger" etc. We don't warn children off strangers so they aren't offending adults by speaking to them, we do it for the child's safety

and @Hellenahandbasket's comment: I think the yelling out was rude
This too.
I'm on the fence, under the fence, on either side of the fence...

I think what another PP said is spot on - You wouldn't say to a fat person 'you're fat' and it not be considered rude would you? Even if it was a fact

Some weird comparisons here. Unless you have been some way upset by the other person's fatness, why would you think that is comparable?

If they were so fat they extended in to your tent and kept you awake, then yes, then maybe you could comment.

Your daughter was rude. Do you really think it's OK for a 6 year old to yell out "Shut Up"? TBH I would think an adult doing that was rude, let alone a 6 year old

As an adult, I can handle being awake in a tent at mdnight --though not very well-, a 6 year old will be at the edge of what they can take.