Aibu to think im starting to be judged for not being (lower) 'middle class' enough, and disliking it?

[Sparkles10]

I have never really thought about the idea of class much but i guess my husband and i have similar backgrounds. We both grew up in a typical 4 bed detached home, went to the local comp, did well at uni and now have relatively good jobs - not high flyers but middle & senior management type positions.

We spent quite a bit of our money travelling when in our 20s so didn't have a huge house deposit and ended up buying a modest house that we are happy with. We are also quite careful with our money and drive old cars and shop at Lidl/Aldi so we can save for our future; holidays, spends for the kids, the house etc. However we are generous with our friends & family and like spending on nice holidays.

Anyway now we are in our 30s/40s I've noticed that many of our friends are leading a different lifestyle. They drive brand new cars, shop at Waitrose, drink certain brands of coffee, shop at certain clothes outlets etc.

What is starting to bother me is that some of our friends/family have now started making quite regular comments like why don't we buy new cars (we choose to save our car allowances rather than spend them and that's apparantly not a good thing).
They also talk generally about how chavvy some of the supermarkets we shop at are and diss certain clothes brands i might buy sometimes.

Im starting to feel like they are viewing us as less successful because we choose to lead a different, less materialistic lifestyle to them. I feel a bit down about this considering that educationally and financially we have done just as well and in some cases a lot better than these friends and family members, who are in a lot of debt to fund their more lavish lifestyles. However im even annoyed at myself for these comments making me feel that i have to define doing well in those terms because i think people have no right to comment on what we drive and where we shop regardless of how much money we might or might not have.

Aibu to be annoyed by this peer pressure to conform to this so called middle class lifestyle that's propped up by so much debt, or should i just give up and spend loads a month on a new car and start drinking craft gin and decorate my home with wallpaper from Laura Ashley?!

I know that deep down our real friends couldn't care less about what we do and that i shouldn't worry about what others think but i guess I'm just a bit cheesed off.

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast exploit?????
Let me give you an example of how we exploit our tenants.
Older couple, factory burned down, bankrupt and no credit.
We gave tuck a chance on them. They have been amazing and we truly care for them. They live in our first flat. Being there for 16 years. We've only increased rent twice.
We have offered the flat to buy but they are pensioners now and don't have a deposit.
Not everybody can or want to buy. Think before you speak.

I know a lot of well off people shopping at Aldi and Lidl.

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast what you feel is jealousy. We are retiring in two years. I'm only 50.
We don't want to be a burden to our son or the system. Responsibility comes with sacrifices. We offer homes to 13 families there is no shame.

We offer homes to 13 families there is no shame. Offer? for free?

Whilst there is a place for renting & not everyone wants to or can buy the notion you are almost charity like is BS, just own it!

I don't feel jealous at all, thanks. Personally I couldn't sleep at night knowing that I was exploiting 13 families, but hey, each to their own.

My parents were landlords, they moved into a house that came with Dad’s job and let our family home out.

They let it for half the market value and paid council tax (city centre Edinburgh so neither rent not CT cheap!) for tenants.

Because they wanted to give families the chance to live near the city centre for work/schools but not pay through the nose.

3 families over 25 years, all saved enough for a deposit to buy.

So not all landlords are heartless fuckers.

Are you coming back OP??

YeTalkShiteHen, your parents were fine, they rented out ONE house when the opportunity arose for them.
Someone renting to THIRTEEN sets of people is just greedy and exploitative.

Depends on the rent they charge and if they treat the tenants well tbh. I’ve had good landlords and shit ones, the good ones genuinely gave a shit and wanted to keep the property in good repair and for us to enjoy living there.

Folk that are out to make cash off skint tenants, aye they’re scumbags, especially if they don’t do repairs/maintenance, but not all are like that .

People prioritise spending on different things. Some of those things are flashier than others. I’m very surprised anyone was rude enough to comment on what you spend unless you are very close to them. Over the years we have prioritised our house over holidays or anything overtly flashy with friends etc. I know lots of our friends were surprised by the cost of our house (because they Rightmoved it not because we told them!) because we’ve got jobs that aren’t immediately obvious how much they pay. If we won a £1m on the lottery, we’d manage it in a way that no-one would know really. We’d pay off the mortgage or put money into pensions/investments rather than buying a sports car. Others would immediately splash the cash. There isn’t a right or a wrong way- just different choices. Try not to let it bother you and remember you’re making choices that work for you.

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast where are these people going to live?
We have an ex soldier living in our 2 bed flat for £70.00 a week. He has a lovely flat just for him. With his own kitchen and bathroom.
We look after him. We can sleep very well knowing 13 families have a place to call home.
Honestly you don't know what you are talking about.
Blood, sweat and tears to buy these houses. We are self employed. Nobody gave us anything free.

So basically you are a small scale Shelter? 😂

@RoseWhiteTips
Fourteen rental properties? Jealous of you. I doubt that. I too feel repelled by your greed and your bullshit.

Definitely jealous...

Erm... no. Life is not about scrimping and scraping. Lol

Scrimping and scraping and exploiting others by renting them poor quality accommodation is not most people’s idea of living.

I do apologise - I lost your italics. 😉

Middle class people I know like to show off about how cheap they got things. The ones who care about how old my car is are working class. Their own cars are new but they haven't paid them off. I think the obsession with material possessions comes from a place of insecurity. This is one of the differences between the classes. Similarly the poorer the parents (now or in their own childhood), the more expensive the designer wear of their children, whilst middle class children tend to be dressed in clothes that could be from anywhere. Generalisations that don't apply to everyone of course

I concur.

fight homelessness

Oh please. You're renting out property. You're a landlord. You're not some campaigner for the underprivileged.

Ihatemycar

You would do well to remember that personal attacks are not permitted by Mumsnet...

Are you quite alright, incidentally?