Aibu to think im starting to be judged for not being (lower) 'middle class' enough, and disliking it?

[Sparkles10]

I have never really thought about the idea of class much but i guess my husband and i have similar backgrounds. We both grew up in a typical 4 bed detached home, went to the local comp, did well at uni and now have relatively good jobs - not high flyers but middle & senior management type positions.

We spent quite a bit of our money travelling when in our 20s so didn't have a huge house deposit and ended up buying a modest house that we are happy with. We are also quite careful with our money and drive old cars and shop at Lidl/Aldi so we can save for our future; holidays, spends for the kids, the house etc. However we are generous with our friends & family and like spending on nice holidays.

Anyway now we are in our 30s/40s I've noticed that many of our friends are leading a different lifestyle. They drive brand new cars, shop at Waitrose, drink certain brands of coffee, shop at certain clothes outlets etc.

What is starting to bother me is that some of our friends/family have now started making quite regular comments like why don't we buy new cars (we choose to save our car allowances rather than spend them and that's apparantly not a good thing).
They also talk generally about how chavvy some of the supermarkets we shop at are and diss certain clothes brands i might buy sometimes.

Im starting to feel like they are viewing us as less successful because we choose to lead a different, less materialistic lifestyle to them. I feel a bit down about this considering that educationally and financially we have done just as well and in some cases a lot better than these friends and family members, who are in a lot of debt to fund their more lavish lifestyles. However im even annoyed at myself for these comments making me feel that i have to define doing well in those terms because i think people have no right to comment on what we drive and where we shop regardless of how much money we might or might not have.

Aibu to be annoyed by this peer pressure to conform to this so called middle class lifestyle that's propped up by so much debt, or should i just give up and spend loads a month on a new car and start drinking craft gin and decorate my home with wallpaper from Laura Ashley?!

I know that deep down our real friends couldn't care less about what we do and that i shouldn't worry about what others think but i guess I'm just a bit cheesed off.

What is Jackie or who!?

Nor everyone is able to spell or pronounce nouveau riche. I wonder if that is a good indicator of class?

Not everyone has a good knowledge of French, either. Another indicator?

Ha I never realised that " keeping up with the Jones " was such a real thing until I moved into town , when pottering about doing my usual stuff suddenly I found myself being " ms Jones " for some time whatever DP and I did the next door neighbours would copy and try to outdo both each other and us - days out , holidays , activities , landscaping the gardens , exterior painting of property , driveways home improvement , you name it they copied , it was just funny and once we had realised it was going on we took to doing some slightly more bazaar things just to see what they would do

The Danish woman’s article is meant to be lighthearted...😉

was meant to be 'lighthearted'? Inane , more like..:)

RoseWhiteTips

I would say it’s an age thing

A popular put down in the 80’s

And much source of comedy

Jackie was a magazine popular with teen and pre teen girls.

Famed for its problem page and inane quizzes it provided a template for vast swathes of today's interweb.

My husband and I are really careful with money. We live in a very nice house that was the ugliest house on the road but in a very nice area. We are hard working and don't mind getting our hands dirty.
We drive older cars and nothing fancy. Our friends don't say anything about our frugal ways as they know we are saving for our retirement.
While they don't own anything outright we own 14 houses making us property millionaires.
Looking at us you'll not give two pennies for us but in 2 years when my husband retires we are going to be really comfortable.
You keep to your frugal ways. We have no regrets.

But why scrimp and scrape untitled retirement hits you? You will be too tired and set in your ways to have fun with money, by then. Surely, it is better to think we had this and we did this when you recall earlier days?

How many cruises can one go on? Now cruises are spectacularly lowbrow.

...until retirement

bizarre

Investing in properties and then letting them isn’t exploiting people!

Our property empire is considerably smaller than the PP, but I can assure you that the people who rent from us are not looking to buy property at this point in their lives- students, young professionals who move around a lot for work etc. There are many reasons why people want to rent rather than buy.

British people are weirdly obsessed with social class (I say this as a British person).

I'm like you –would rather drive an old banger and have nice holidays. Some people are lucky enough to have new cars and good holidays, but as you say, an awful lot of people are propping up their lifestyle with mountains of debt.

Don't feel pressured to join them. They probably want you to to normalise their spending habits. But using debt to pay for things you don't need is ridiculous. I'd be laughing at them for falling into the consumer trap!

Next time they make comments ask why they'd want you to take out a massive loan for something you don't need. Say you're saving all extra cash for an early retirement. Channel Bill Gates and all those other frugal millionaires. Take care of the pennies and all that…

I always liked the sound of Warren Buffet.

I always find people who are insecure about their class are the most judgemental of others. Aldi and Lidl are supremely middle class nowadays fwiw .

Erm what's middle class coffee? Am I missing something? I buy coffee that I like the taste of, should I really be buying a certain brand to look 'more middle class'?

" Investing in properties and then letting them isn’t exploiting people! "
well it is, IMO.

Even when DH was a high earner in a previous career, we were never big spenders. We were both brought up as the children of teachers and had no real interest in designer clothes or holidays in Mauritius. We went camping with our friends in France and bought our kids' clothes from Sainsburys while some of our contempories looked at us with slight bemusement.

We were overwhelmed with relief that we had lived like this when baby DD was being investigated for potentially very serious health issues. It meant we were able to access appointments with doctors abroad who had the most experience of this condition. The money turned out to be life changing in a way I had never expected - it gave us back our peace of mind, when previously I had been literally sick with fear. I thank God every day that I didn't spend it on shoes.

Don't let them make you feel bad. You just never know what you might need the money for in life.

I love Aldi. Does that make me a chav?!
My PIL do the same with the comments about Aldi and lidl. I just serve them what I bought at Aldi/Lidl without telling them when they're round. They're all about the m and s and Waitrose..(my DP used to be as well but I changed that)

My DP and I then turn around and ask them what they thought. Hahahaha

Can’t you just live and let live and accept other people’s choices?
I love Waitrose and M&S food and spend lavishly on it. But I might not spend cash on something that you think is very important. I think you’re projecting your own insecurities a bit OP. If you’re happy with your lifestyle then why care what anyone else thinks?

Also, are you sure they are turning their noses up at you when they talk about where they buy their clothes? Just because somebody might spend more on clothes doesn’t
Mean they’re judging you. Again, I spend money on clothes that I consider will last a long time. They might be more expensive than H&M but that’s not the same as judging people who shop at H&M.
If they are snobby and rude to you then of course they are not real friends but if they are just commenting, and those comments make you feel insecure, its as much about you as it is about them

Of course the old car comments could be because yours is always in the garage and you expect to cadge lifts?

Being sensible with money is fine, wise even.

However you do get "frugal" people who expect everyone else to sub them one way or another, usually with favours of one kind or another, and giving them things for free, and never reciprocate.

Tight and cheeky while your bank balance grows at others' expense isn't the same as sensible with money.

Old cars can sometimes (not always) be a false economy. A reliable brand of reasonably priced car with a 7 year manufacturer's warranty bought ex display at a significant discount from new price with just a few miles on the clock can be more sensible if you rely heavily on your car...