Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Do you ever regret having had children?

216 replies

Snomade · 06/08/2018 22:05

Apologies for the thread title. I'm not sure how to say this.
I am late thirties so, if I am going to have children, it would be soon I suppose.
However, I have a horrible anxiety that I would not enjoy it and that I would regret it. So I haven't, but I do worry that I may regret it if I don't.
No one really admits to this in real life so its difficult to talk about, but from the outside, some parents that I know, do seem very unhappy.
It is such a monumental decision. I admire people that just know that they want to be parents. I kind of wish I feel like that.

OP posts:

Medwaymumoffour · 07/08/2018 21:04

I have four kids and the middle two have Sen. I wouldn’t change things if I could. However I have had had to step up to a level I couldn’t have mustered for any other cause I can imagine. It’s made me a better person and opened my eyes to things. But easy it is not.
However nothing in life has come as close to worthwhile as being a Mum.
For me I think it’s something I give about 90% of my energy to right now, but they grow up fast so I need to remember they will leave home in a blink of a eye. With my 14 year old right now as much as I love him I will ready when he leaves as well. 🤣

raisedbyguineapigs · 07/08/2018 21:04

No. But I'm not sure I'm the marrying kind, and I'm not sure If still be with DH if it wasn't for the kids. I don't like living with people

shitsabouttogetserious · 07/08/2018 21:22

I have 4 kids. 3 to my dh and the oldest to a previous partner. I'm currently hurtling headlong to divorce from dh (and I already have a failed relationship from the oldests Dad) but I don't regret the kids, they are wonderful and amazing (even tho they can be "challenging" 😁 at times). The love you feel for your kids is unlike anything else.

heartshapedpositnotes · 07/08/2018 21:46

The Fear is the main reason why I'm glad to not be in a position to decide whether to have children or not. Even if your child is perfectly healthy and grows up happy to have been born, ultimately your worst fear will 100% be realised, even if you're not alive to witness it. And their children (your grandchildren) and on, and on. I can't get over the fact that by procreating, potential suffering increases exponentially.

I adore children and love spending time with them and nurturing them, but this niggling antinatalist feeling is maybe something that you'd want to explore. I'm still not sure how i ultimately feel about the equation...

ALaCarteKitchen · 07/08/2018 21:56

Has it been hard? Yes.

Was it worth it? Yes

SpandexTutu · 07/08/2018 22:30

No. No regrets. I've questioned many choices I've made - but the kids (and DH) are the only things I don't. Kids complete the circle. They make you whole

Housecoatdiva · 07/08/2018 22:44

I'm not sure tbh. My DD has a medical problem that basically means I haven't slept properly for nearly 12 years. At times I'm at breaking point trying to be the best Mum I can, hold down a job and battle with sleep deprivation. My child free friends lives look so much easier than mine BUT I love them so much and through the ongoing challenges I've grown as a person. I feel proud of holding it together and getting on with things so for me it's a tricky one to answer.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 08/08/2018 09:16

Not for a second. I was late 30s, working in a job that was very family friendly (that was why I had stayed in the job) and DC was much wanted. By me, that is - DH didn't want kids, but quickly became a very devoted dad. I often think with horror about how my life would have been without children. I had a great time when I was younger - travelled, lived abroad, partied etc - so it was easy for me to put that to one side and focus on domestic matters. But we are all different.

BloodyDisgrace · 08/08/2018 09:31

I don't have kids (never wanted) and read this thread with interest.

OP, ask yourself these questions: Do you have much to lose if you have a kid? Like, do you have a lot of interests which take your time (and which might be gone if you are a parent)? Do you get easily tired? Do you need a lot of sleep (or can do with some 6-7 hours)? Does your mood change easily when you're worn out? Do you have a tendency towards depression? Is having disposable income important to you, like treating yourself regularly? Do you physically need regular holidays in order to restore yourself from working all the time? Is your pain threshold high? Do you care about keeping your body in a certain shape?

I've heard a lot about kids bringing joy to people's lives, but personally saw what are the disadvantages: no sleep, no money, shitty hols if at all, constant tiredness, getting flabby, poss. PND (I have been on antidepressants for nearly 20 years), no time to read books (that would be the end of me, really) and thought "Nah, I don't have it in me to have a child". It's not for everybody.

An0nym0u3 · 08/08/2018 09:31

I love my children but having a 3rd after a large gap has nearly killed me. If I'd known in advance what I'd have to battle through I'm not sure I'd make the same decision. Feel like an absolute b!tch writing that down. I've had very severe pnd. It's an achievement that I'm still fighting on. Having a bad day. I just want this young stage to be over with then things might get easier.

BloodyDisgrace · 08/08/2018 09:34

Last one: do you like spending time with small kids? or get bored soon?
People will say "ah, but it's different when it's yours" but I still think it gives a good idea of what to expect.

notyourmummy · 08/08/2018 09:38

Yes, I regularly wish I'd not had children. I had severe PND after laddo was born and, although I've not been as ill this time round, little girl is a very difficult baby and I regret both of them.

NataliaOsipova · 08/08/2018 09:40

People will say "ah, but it's different when it's yours" but I still think it gives a good idea of what to expect.

I totally disagree with this! It sounds a bit awful, but I almost can't bear other people's children. I don't find them appealing at all. I put on a pretty good show for my kids' friends and my friends' kids, but it doesn't come naturally.

My own children? I can't bear to be away from them. I can't tell you how different it is.

OrchidsAreSlags · 08/08/2018 09:43

I never thought I wanted kids. I was quite happily planning my life without them and then bam, I met DH and I just wanted to have his babies.

Even during the monotonous, boring, lonely days when they’re both whining and being pains in the bum, I wouldn’t wish for anything else. I adore them. I never imagined I could ever love anyone as much as I love my children. They are my joy. I’m in awe of how amazing they are.

I had a bit of PND when DS was born, which wasn’t fun. We don’t have any family support locally. And my career has definitely taken a hit. So it has had its tough moments. But we’re lucky to be fairly comfortably well off - no real money worries and we are all healthy. I’m not sure my answer would be so positive if we were struggling financially and/or there were complex health needs involved.

to anyone struggling.

Osirus · 08/08/2018 09:48

I haven’t no. I love being a mum to my toddler DD. She’s amazing and I love her like nothing else.

Tomatoesrock · 08/08/2018 09:53

Well the part I love the most, is spending time with small DC, everything is new and fascinating to them, when they explain things in their way. I said pages back I do regret it sometimes but today I don't so it swings both ways depending on the day too

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread